According to the TEXAS Border Patrol an all points bulletin is out regarding the presence of a gent, calling himself Catman, in the free State of Texas. A spokesman for the Border Patrol reported that a person armed with sharp claws and a jeweled collar presented his passport upon arrival at DFW. A source close to security at DFW says that this person, Catman, complained vehemently about not getting an upgrade and also something about lost luggage containing an old Hawaiian shirt. Catman was last reported leaving DFW shouting, "I HAVE TO HAVE SOME BLUE BELL ICE CREAM NOW", with 2 accomplices in a customized extended cab pickup truck with vanity license plates reading "MEOW II".

One witness at the North Toll Plaza of DFW said that the pickup truck approached at a high rate of speed and tossed a $2 bill at the toll-taker just before breaking the toll gate. Dallas Police are on the lookout for this pickup truck which headed East on
I-635, toward Farmer's Branch. It is believed that the occupants of the pickup are looking for a convenience store that sells Blue Bell Ice Cream, Samuel Adams beer, and Pepsi. Anyone seeing this trio of mad people should contact the Dallas Police immediately so that the old, worn, tattered and smelly Hawaiian shirt can be returned.

DALLAS POLICE STILL HAVE HAWAIIAN SHIRT: In a follow-up to yesterday's headlines, the Dallas Police are still searching for a 6'2", male with long claws and a jeweled collar. They want to return the luggage of a person identified as Catman. Apparently, the luggage is stored at Polce Headquarters and has created quite a distraction with a Hawaiian shirt that is partially hanging out of the closed and locked bag.

Police had reports that Catman and two accomplices were headed south on I-35 toward Austin and San Antonio. One waitress at the Texas Independent Truckers Service in Waco, Texas indicated that the trio had stopped there for some scrambled eggs and barbeque. After they consumed the eggs and barbeque, they all left with a waffle cone of Blue Bell Cookies 'n Cream Ice Cream. It is believed that the person described as Catman had no napkin with his ice cream. Police in Austin have been notified to be on the lookout for this mad trio and especially for the one described as Catman. The three people are expected to stop at Scholtz's Beer Garden for refreshments and a chicken fried steak with cream gravy. Police are sure the three will not visit the LBJ Library, as they cannot read. More on this bizarre story when details are available. ###

AUSTIN POLICE SPOT CATMAN: Thanks to an APB from the Dallas Police, the Austin Police have spotted Catman and two other unidentified people, one may use "Steve" as a moniker, leaving Scholz"s Beer Garden and headed east on Highway 290. The underage waitress, a UT Freshman, said the trio sampled 3 types of Swiss Beer; Ittinger Klosterbrau, Speiss Edelhell, and Hopfenperle. She indicated the one with claws and a jeweled collar was in a drunken stupor and wanted Blue Bell ice cream after a half mug of Ittinger Klosterbrau. He also wanted the waitress to accompany them on a journey through Texas. As an incentive, the waitress was offered a First Class roundtrip to Hawaii in November, 1999. The waitress declined, citing a fear of flying.

It is believed that the mad trio is planning a side trip to Texas A&M University to visit one of the nations most prestigious veterinary schools. The waitress at Scholz's reported that Catman wanted to find out why his cats lick their private parts. She mentioned that the Aggies knew the answer and that she knew that Yaz and Eddie licked them "because they can". Catman was intrigued. More reports are expected as detailed information becomes available. ###

Thanks for keeping us posted on the feline one's doings, Jaws...

I expect that the nation of Texas will ROCK on his birthday!

Has a mug shot been posted of the 3 escapees? Shouldnt we be seeing it in post offices everywhere?

If he shows up in the Alamo City, we'll pass the APB on... Viva Catman!

TRAUMATIC TRIO HEAD SOUTH: After a brief stop at Bubba's Barbeque in Elgin, Texas, the traumatic trio was overheard saying that they would head south to San Antonio. The Alamo City Police have been alerted to be on the lookout for the customized extended cab pickup truck with vanity license plates "MEOW II". Meanwhile, the Dallas Police have managed to pry open the luggage that allegedly belongs to Catman. It is believed that there is considerable unrest in the cab of the pickup because Catman has no clean clothes or deodorant. Police suspect that Catman will stop at the nearest WalMart to purchase some deodorant, cowboy-cut jeans and boots. They think the fugitive with the claws and jeweled collar will use the American Express card because he gets double membership reward points.

In San Antonio, the Police have placed undercover informants around the Alamo, along the Riverwalk and in El Mercado to try and apprehend the infamous, feline addicted Catman. The Police have also discovered that there are 12 outstanding warrants against Catman for jaywalking.

Back in Dallas, the Police have examined the contents of Catman's luggage and, in addition to the worn and tattered Hawaiian shirt, there are "roach-toe" cowboy boots, a fitted western shirt and a 3" wide belt with the biggest belt buckle they have ever seen. The back of the belt buckle is engraved "If found please email to [email protected], no postage required". In addition to the aforementioned items, Police found an empty carton of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, a $5 chip from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, some cathair, and numerous unmentionable pieces of women's underwear. The Police were intrigued.

San Antonio Police and the Bexar County Sheriff's Office are on alert to apprehend the traumatic trio and return them to Dallas. It is believed by the Police that the trio will try to evade them with disguises and maybe even by stealing less ominous license plates. The Placio del Rio Hotel has offered their most luxurious suite to Catman, but said he had opted not to accept the offer so that he could stay at the Hilton and get HHonors points. the Hilton also said that they had been asked by Catman to make reservations at two unnamed cities in Texas.

TRIO EVADES ALAMO CITY POLICE: Due to disguises and stolen license plates, Catman and his other two friends, aka "Bonnie & Clyde" have evaded San Antonio Police and are believed headed East on I-10. It is not known if they will stop in Houston, however, the San Antonio Hilton on the Riverwalk reported that Catman had made reservations at the Hilton in Galveston and the Hilton in College Station, home of Texas A&M University.(A&M for Athletics & Music). The license plates reported stolen are vanity plates that read "FLYBOY".

Police in Houston, Galveston, and College Station have erected road blocks and are checking everything with cathair on it. Dallas Police have also learned that Catman's birthday is 12/31, and that a huge birthday blowout is planned. No one can determine Catman's exact age as he has had 5 lives so far and expects to exceed the normal 9 lives of his pseudonym. Police think that at least 3 of the lives have something to do with the women's underwear found in his suitcase.

Mug shots of Catman have been posted in all US Post Offices, however, since Catman has never been clawprinted, the Mug Shot turns out to be a full length picture of him in his favorite Hawaiian shirt. By examining the esthetics in the background of the photo, the picture was taken while Catman was directing traffic at a New Jersey jughandle turn.

With every day that goes by, the Police get more frustrated at Catman's evasive techniques. Infact, so frustrated that the Police have contacted the Texas Rangers about joining in for the apprehension of the infamous Catman. More on this story as accurate data becomes available. ###

CATMAN VANISHES: Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Galveston, and College Station Police are mystified at the disappearance of Catman and his accomplices.
It seems that Catman and crew were reportedly headed for Galveston or College Station, but no one has been able to spot them. It is suspected that the Traumatic Trio has ditched the extended cab pickup truck in favor of the "Rolls-Royce" of Texas, the Suburban.

Police are aware that today is Catman's birthday and they expect a HUGE BASH to be held somewhere in Texas. The Police are adamant about finding Catman before New Year's Day because the Police will all be tuned to the UT and Texas A&M Bowl games and will not have time to search for Catman.

Since Catman's worn and tattered Hawaiian shirt is still in Police possession in Dallas, they expect that the Birthday celebration will be there. Police do know that Catman last used his Amex Card to buy some Louis Vuitton luggage at their seconds store in the Clute, Texas Discount Mall.

United Airlines has volunteered information that Catman is booked on a flight out of DFW on 1/2/99. UA expects Catman to demand an upgrade and a special FC meal of Tuna and catnip. However, UA does not know if Catman will be dressed in "drag" or not. They say if he presents himself in "drag" they will upgrade the ticket on the spot and give triple miles for the flight back to EWR.

Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, has extended an invitation to Catman and his hosts to his owner's box for the Cowboys and Cardinals playoff game on Saturday. Jones is believed to have offered Catman a job in the Cowboy's organization as Director of Cowboy Cheerleader Personnel. Catman is reportedly intrigued. ###

LUGGAGE AND HAWAIIAN SHIRT MISSING: The Dallas Police have reported that the luggage and Hawaiian shirt belonging to Catman are missing from their evidence room. They believe a Cat Burgular scaled the wall of the 10 story building and secured the items.

There was a huge party in Dallas on New Years Eve and Police believed it was just a normal type party or the people from Mississippi State getting ready to play Texas in the Cotton Bowl. It was not any of these. It turned out to be Catman's birthday bash with several hundred guests, mostly happy, but a few soreheads showed up to have a free drink.

The Birthday Bash included the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, Willie Nelson, and Lyle Lovett. All personal friends of Catman.

Catman will be leaving to return to NJ tomorrow with much more respect for the free State of Texas. In fact, Catman was quoted as saying, "I could live here!"

COWBOYS LOSE!! JONES OFFERS HEAD COACHING JOB TO CATMAN: Catman, on his way out of TEXAS, has learned that he has the opportunity to Produce a REALLY BIG SHOW, as Head Coach of the Dallas Cowboys in 1999. Catman's agent was not available for comment, but inside sources say the offer is for a 10 year contract at well over $10 million a year, making Catman the highest paid Producer/Coach in the world. It is not known if Catman will accept the offer or hold out for more money. However, Catman is intrigued and fatigued.

CatMan will not accept this offer, as long as they miss any miles and/or points.

JAWS OLD BUDDY: DOn't you Texans know you can never ever catch a cat? We are too fast and light on our feet to be trapped!

Even your Texas Rangers couldn't catch ME! MEOW!

My friends Steve and JOyce and I had a wonderful time in the great nation of Texas.
They are still there, Texas citizens. I am
back in my nation of Jerzee.

Thanks to the great people of Texas for some
warm hospitality (especially all those Texas police out there to assure my safety!)

I will fill in some of the gaps on my trip on various boards! CATMAN

I had to pull this back up....

...one of the many reasons I'll miss Catman.

Dan

We will toast the Cat and other departing FT'ers at the CMD II, and hopefully the comraderie will bring them back into the pride again.


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Cheers Scott