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Dissed by a FTer!

Dissed by a FTer!

Old Sep 5, 2007, 6:57 pm
  #76  
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Whew! I am so glad Marysunshine that you have decided not to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

There is no question that their are some unfriendly types on FT. I have had folks make nasty posts about me, and met folks at DOs who were just as rude and nasty, in real life as they are on line, but putting up with (read ignoring) their foolishness is a small price to pay for the fabulous friends that I have made all around the world.

Heck, I was once even advised by a reall rudee that I was not welcome to attend a DO, which says a lot more about him than it does about me. You know what they say--"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince".

Then, on the other hand, some of the finest, most wonderful, generous, and loving people I know are folks that I have me on FT, and they make it all worthwhile.

I guess FT is a lot like real life--you have to take the bad with the good.
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Old Sep 5, 2007, 7:55 pm
  #77  
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Originally Posted by SchmutzigMSP
Whenever I go to a DO and introduce myself, I tend to get the "Oh, so you're SchmutzigMSP" response. For better or worse, it always seems to happen.

Anyway, I've had the pleasure of meeting folks I've previously sparred with on FT. At first, you might be a bit apprehensive. But I've found that the folks that actually take the time to show up to the events, by and large, are decent folks.
As a sparee who almost avoided a Do because I saw SchmutzigMSP was going to be there, I can vouch that he really is a good guy and I was glad to meet him and hear some of his stories. (Now if we could only have a SchmutzigMSP meets NWAFA Do....)
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Old Sep 5, 2007, 8:25 pm
  #78  
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DW and I (late 50s then) met up with a young male (late 20s maybe) Fter in Hawaii a couple yrs. ago and attended a luau together. He was very cordial and a nice guy. However, when I emailed him upon our return to the mainland he wouldn't respond. Tried again & still no response. Oh well, I tried.


Then, on the bright side, my DW & I had a couple of "DOs" with Mr & Mrs kaukau on Maui last year. What a fun time. Hope to see them again soon.

Last edited by philemer; Sep 5, 2007 at 8:32 pm
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Old Sep 5, 2007, 8:51 pm
  #79  
 
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Originally Posted by nroscoe
As a sparee who almost avoided a Do because I saw SchmutzigMSP was going to be there...
You know, I almost thought the same thing... But having met nroscoe, I would not hesitate sharing a drink/meal/experience with him again. We may have our differences, but our attendance at this past SEA DO allowed us (or at least me) to "get" where the other was coming from, which is ultimately the most rewarding thing about FT for me.

Now it's bygones be bygones and all that.
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Old Sep 5, 2007, 9:15 pm
  #80  
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Originally Posted by Catman
People will get lost in the crowd while the more prolific posters may get all the attention.
I've been to a number of small lunches/dinners around Chicago, typically 3 to 12 FT'ers, plus one wonderful get together in MCO with a dozen or more. Mrs. Gargoyle has been with to a number of these, and her opinion is that she's always interested in going with me to the smaller gatherings, no more than about 8 people, but she's not interested in a big DO... simply because there will be too many new people at once, too much confusion to be able to get good conversations and you'll only get to know 5 or 6 people anyway... so why not just meet 5 or 6 at a time. I can see the appeal of a big DO, but I see her point too. Of course, she doesn't participate in FT, so she won't be familiar with any of the handles or the characters behind the handles.

I think the big gatherings will by nature have some folk who are ill at ease with a first meeting of people they don't know, and with the surreal shift from virtual space to physical space, so awkwardness, social faux pas, and things that appear like dissing will be par for the course. All of that can be worked through if it's recognized for what it is.

Originally Posted by Punki
"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince".
I thought you have to kiss Prince a lot before you find Michael Jackson

Last edited by Jenbel; Sep 6, 2007 at 3:13 am Reason: edited to remove reference to another FTer
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Old Sep 5, 2007, 10:19 pm
  #81  
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Originally Posted by Punki
but putting up with (read ignoring) their foolishness is a small price to pay for the fabulous friends that I have made all around the world.
And that my friends, from the lady in Seattle, says it all in a nutshell. ^


If anyone wants to meet 24 nice Flyertalkers, they'll be on the below tour sometime
in May 2008. <<< shameless plug.
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Old Sep 6, 2007, 7:11 am
  #82  
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Originally Posted by Gargoyle
Mrs. Gargoyle has been with to a number of these, and her opinion is that she's always interested in going with me to the smaller gatherings, no more than about 8 people, but she's not interested in a big DO... simply because there will be too many new people at once, too much confusion to be able to get good conversations and you'll only get to know 5 or 6 people anyway... so why not just meet 5 or 6 at a time.
I can totally relate to this feeling... I'm always more apprehensive going to large DOs than smaller ones. At large events, there are so many people and so much going on that its easy to get overwhelmed. At smaller DOs, there is more time to talk to folks one-on-one and get to know people personally. At larger DOs, I'll typically pick one event to attend and then try to do some breakout activities with a smaller group of folks so I don't feel so panicked by the crowds. I'm the kind of person who has panic attacks at cocktail parties or mixers where I don't already know a ton of people so the large DOs can bring on that feeling for me.

I've gone to lots of DOs... they've always been interesting, some moreso than others. I've made some great friends on FT and I've met a couple of people I might not go out of my way to run into again - and I've met everything in between too.

I've been accused of being 'rude' because I end up finding a table in a corner to sit at vs. mixing/mingling. As I said above, I don't like mingling in crowds and so for me its either finding my comfort zone or not attending at all.

A couple of things I noted in reading through the replies on this thread and thinking about some of my past DO experiences (and it points out the diversity of the community)...

1. Not everyone likes spending their entire time breaking the events and actions of the bulletin board down in to minute detail at DOs. I may get this more from being a moderator/TalkBoard member as well, but I've been cornered by folks who want to spend a great deal of time talking about personalities on the forum, people they perceive as disruptive or difficult, moderator actions, forum policies, etc. I can usually manage a couple of minutes of polite conversation but if you are seated near me at dinner and want to spend the entire meal talking about FT politics, expect that I will probably tune you out at some point to enjoy more pleasant topics.

2. Personally, I travel for business mostly and a bit for pleasure - but I don't venture onto the mileage run or coupon connection forums at all. If you are wanting to spend the whole time talking about how many miles per cent you get from flying from Peoria to Topeka by way of 27 other airports, I'm likely to stiffle a yawn. I think FTers are too interesting as people and would much rather talk about what people do for a career, where they live, or where they have traveled. And I can only sit through so many discussions on the merits of UA systemwides vs. AA EXP upgrades before I start feeling massive deja vu. I think a lot of folks initially show up for a FT dinner because they are happy to find folks who are as knowledgable and geeked out about frequent flyer programs as they are - but its rarely the main topic of conversation (at least at most of the dinners I've been to).

3. Remember dinner party rules about polite conversation. I've had to sit through someone's long diatribe about their family dynamics and who was/wasn't speaking to them (a stranger I'd never met, btw), heated ugly arguments about politics (as an American attending a foreign DO, I don't enjoy an hour long berating about our "stupid president"), or folks who sit down and greet me with "wow, techgirl - I've always thought you were a snobby witch from your posts on FT" (yes, that has happened on at least three occasions - and it doesn't exactly warm me up to spending an evening chatting with you).

4. On the polite note, I know I've been guilty of being a bit rude when someone has walked up and interrupted a conversation I've been in the middle of. This happened to me in London... I don't know the person who interrupted me but I was standing having a catch-up with a couple of folks I know well who I hadn't conversed with in a while and someone walked into our cluster and got frustrated because we didn't want to change the topic to the discussion item of their choice immediately. (He wandered off shortly and into another cluster - I do hope he found someone who was willing to discuss whatever airline issue it was with him.)

5. Not all of us attend DOs for the same reason. That's also important to keep in mind. Some folks come in with their group of friends and are primarily there to socialize with folks they already know. Some come to meet as many new people as possible. Some are shy and come because they wanted to do a particular activity or dine in a particular place but didn't want to go alone. Some come to scope out new conquests. Some come to talk points and miles. Some come to drink. Some come to eat. I always go into events reminding myself that everyone is not there for the same reason I might be... and its probably a good reminder for all of us to be tolerant of that.

6. Diversity. I've mentioned it again. The FT community is soooo diverse. Folks tend to naturally cluster a bit - whether by the airline they fly, their country of origin, their age, their relationship status/sexual orientation, their interests, their personalities. That's okay. Everyone on FT is not going to be my friend - many don't want to be and that's okay. If I want to have a BFF at a DO, I will usually bring my own.

Anyway... these are just my observations and everyone else's mileage may vary. That's one thing I find soooo cool about FT is that we all don't see the world around us the same way. Its ways makes it fascinating to meet and talk to new people - but its also what can cause frustration and communication breakdowns.
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Old Sep 6, 2007, 7:34 am
  #83  
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Good post, techgirl, and in particular this snippet:

5. Not all of us attend DOs for the same reason. That's also important to keep in mind. Some folks come in with their group of friends and are primarily there to socialize with folks they already know. Some come to meet as many new people as possible. Some are shy and come because they wanted to do a particular activity or dine in a particular place but didn't want to go alone. Some come to scope out new conquests. Some come to talk points and miles. Some come to drink. Some come to eat. I always go into events reminding myself that everyone is not there for the same reason I might be... and its probably a good reminder for all of us to be tolerant of that.
It's a good idea to remember that most everybody has a different objective in attending a DO.

About the only DO I've attended where everybody agreed on the objectives was this week's Cow DO III in Argentina.

We were all intent on eating as much beef and consuming as much wine as humanly possible.
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Old Sep 6, 2007, 8:49 am
  #84  
 
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Originally Posted by Cholula
......

About the only DO I've attended where everybody agreed on the objectives was this week's Cow DO III in Argentina.

We were all intent on eating as much beef and consuming as much wine as humanly possible.
And I'd bet some at the Do thought I dissed them. Its quite hard to meet and hang out with everyone at a large one.
But at least I think everyone realized I tried to make the rounds and talk to all. As was said above. Especially when you're hosting, you are busy being the host and less so being just social.

Also. There is now a flyertalk tag somewhere in BsAs that does not belong to a flyertalker. Darn ba.safhokfhaio's.......

Last edited by tenmoc; Sep 6, 2007 at 8:59 am
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Old Sep 6, 2007, 10:52 am
  #85  
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Originally Posted by alanw
I've hosted six FT dos, some of them as big as 60 people, and have met hundreds of other FTers one-on-one or in other groups. I don't think anyone I've met in real life has ever been rude. Socially retarded, unable to hold their liquor, boundary issues, pathological liars, and plain annoying, yes. But never rude.
Originally Posted by myefre
You don't have to be that honest.
Originally Posted by alanw
I forgot handsy!
or Canadian?
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Old Sep 6, 2007, 12:16 pm
  #86  
 
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I'd rather listen than talk as I don't travel as much as most of you do. Where you've been and what you do is more interesting to me.

Plus...I'm actually kind of shy. It was very unnerving for me to attend the first dinner that I went to because I was so afraid I wouldn't fit in. Sandiego1K took me under her wing and absolutely everyone there made me feel welcome. It was an enlightening and wonderful experience.

I'm looking forward to the big San Francisco Do as that'll be my first megaFT experience. If I seem kind of stand-offish, it's not because you don't interest me but more likely because I'm too afraid to go up to people I don't know and start talking!

Although...once I get talking, I don't think I shut up
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Old Sep 6, 2007, 1:17 pm
  #87  
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HEY! iluv2fly stalked ME on a plane, too, CDG-ORD as I recall.

I've been to a Do or two. And I can honestly say I've loved you all. Some of you more than others, but let's not take this thread all OMNI.

If I have even come off as rude or abrupt to anyone I do apologize. Like Techgirl, I'm a heck of a lot more interested in talking about NON-flyer things in person as I can get my fill of flyer talk on, well, Flyertalk.

PS, if you are a moderator, please ignore the above apology. I meant it and you deserved it!

That said, and returning to the OP, I have been in situations where I am traveling with business associates and was recognized by other flyertalkers and I was embarrassed because I didnt want to have to explain to business associates either my addiction to travel OR ft. Maybe that's what folks have experienced in getting cold receptions? That said, I do not own a FT tag (other than my heavy metal Old Gold one from circa 1999) and it was NOT me in Hawaii...
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Old Sep 6, 2007, 1:53 pm
  #88  
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Originally Posted by Gargoyle
she's not interested in a big DO... simply because there will be too many new people at once, too much confusion to be able to get good conversations and you'll only get to know 5 or 6 people anyway... so why not just meet 5 or 6 at a time.
It's not so much the number of people, IMO, as it is how the DO is organized and where the people are staying.

Some DO's are loosely organized, folks are in hotels all over town and thus the chances to interact are limited.

Other DO's are tightly scheduled with multiple opportunities to get together.

Plus when the majority of attendees stay at the same hotel...as will be happening in the upcoming Fourth Annual PBI/FLL Meet, it makes it easier to meet more people. You interact at breakfast, in the lobby, health club , business center, bar and other common areas.


Originally Posted by Gargoyle
I think the big gatherings will by nature have some folk who are ill at ease with a first meeting of people they don't know, and with the surreal shift from virtual space to physical space
For me, the surreal shift is from using each others handles on a daily basis and instead using real names.

I'll always remember my first DO three years ago.

I walked into the bar where a bunch of FT'ers were imbibing adult beverages and introduced myself to the group with my handle. In response I got "Hi, I'm Jim, I'm Bob, I'm Betty, I'm Doris, etc."

To which I was mucho .

Were these the people I'd been interacting with for years and only knew by their unique handles?? It took awhile to match the real names with the handles and then to determine which the FT'er preferred to be addressed.
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Old Sep 6, 2007, 2:29 pm
  #89  
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Originally Posted by Cholula
I walked into the bar where a bunch of FT'ers were imbibing adult beverages and introduced myself to the group with my handle. In response I got "Hi, I'm Jim, I'm Bob, I'm Betty, I'm Doris, etc."

To which I was mucho .

Were these the people I'd been interacting with for years and only knew by their unique handles?? It took awhile to match the real names with the handles and then to determine which the FT'er preferred to be addressed.
This is another good point... I don't answer to "techgirl" more than once - I introduce myself with my real name. It's weird for people to repeatedly address me by a moniker I use online - I'd almost prefer "hey you" if they can't remember my name.

Originally Posted by kokonutz
That said, and returning to the OP, I have been in situations where I am traveling with business associates and was recognized by other flyertalkers and I was embarrassed because I didnt want to have to explain to business associates either my addiction to travel OR ft. Maybe that's what folks have experienced in getting cold receptions?
I've had this happen too... with either associates or clients around. What's worse is when its combined with the above "hey techgirl, fancy seeing you here"... or worse yet when they address me like that and then want to start talking about mileage runs or something that had been posted on FT that day.

In the same degree of comfort, we've had attendees at DOs before who didn't want photos of themselves taken or posted online. I don't consider that rude either... everyone has a specific degree of comfort when it comes to internet life and real life colliding.
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Old Sep 6, 2007, 2:43 pm
  #90  
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Dis This or Kiss This!

Originally Posted by Punki
You know what they say--"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince".
Since the Op is about Dissing, and kissing of frogs is now the topic, let me share a post I borrowed from the dis board. (Dis is a Disney version of FT).


Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauted frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

I don't freaking think so.
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