techgirl

I can totally relate to this feeling... I'm always more apprehensive going to large DOs than smaller ones. At large events, there are so many people and so much going on that its easy to get overwhelmed. At smaller DOs, there is more time to talk to folks one-on-one and get to know people personally. At larger DOs, I'll typically pick one event to attend and then try to do some breakout activities with a smaller group of folks so I don't feel so panicked by the crowds. I'm the kind of person who has panic attacks at cocktail parties or mixers where I don't already know a ton of people so the large DOs can bring on that feeling for me.

I've gone to lots of DOs... they've always been interesting, some moreso than others. I've made some great friends on FT and I've met a couple of people I might not go out of my way to run into again - and I've met everything in between too.

I've been accused of being 'rude' because I end up finding a table in a corner to sit at vs. mixing/mingling. As I said above, I don't like mingling in crowds and so for me its either finding my comfort zone or not attending at all.

A couple of things I noted in reading through the replies on this thread and thinking about some of my past DO experiences (and it points out the diversity of the community)...

1. Not everyone likes spending their entire time breaking the events and actions of the bulletin board down in to minute detail at DOs. I may get this more from being a moderator/TalkBoard member as well, but I've been cornered by folks who want to spend a great deal of time talking about personalities on the forum, people they perceive as disruptive or difficult, moderator actions, forum policies, etc. I can usually manage a couple of minutes of polite conversation but if you are seated near me at dinner and want to spend the entire meal talking about FT politics, expect that I will probably tune you out at some point to enjoy more pleasant topics.

2. Personally, I travel for business mostly and a bit for pleasure - but I don't venture onto the mileage run or coupon connection forums at all. If you are wanting to spend the whole time talking about how many miles per cent you get from flying from Peoria to Topeka by way of 27 other airports, I'm likely to stiffle a yawn. I think FTers are too interesting as people and would much rather talk about what people do for a career, where they live, or where they have traveled. And I can only sit through so many discussions on the merits of UA systemwides vs. AA EXP upgrades before I start feeling massive deja vu. I think a lot of folks initially show up for a FT dinner because they are happy to find folks who are as knowledgable and geeked out about frequent flyer programs as they are - but its rarely the main topic of conversation (at least at most of the dinners I've been to).

3. Remember dinner party rules about polite conversation. I've had to sit through someone's long diatribe about their family dynamics and who was/wasn't speaking to them (a stranger I'd never met, btw), heated ugly arguments about politics (as an American attending a foreign DO, I don't enjoy an hour long berating about our "stupid president"), or folks who sit down and greet me with "wow, techgirl - I've always thought you were a snobby witch from your posts on FT" (yes, that has happened on at least three occasions - and it doesn't exactly warm me up to spending an evening chatting with you).

4. On the polite note, I know I've been guilty of being a bit rude when someone has walked up and interrupted a conversation I've been in the middle of. This happened to me in London... I don't know the person who interrupted me but I was standing having a catch-up with a couple of folks I know well who I hadn't conversed with in a while and someone walked into our cluster and got frustrated because we didn't want to change the topic to the discussion item of their choice immediately. (He wandered off shortly and into another cluster - I do hope he found someone who was willing to discuss whatever airline issue it was with him.)

5. Not all of us attend DOs for the same reason. That's also important to keep in mind. Some folks come in with their group of friends and are primarily there to socialize with folks they already know. Some come to meet as many new people as possible. Some are shy and come because they wanted to do a particular activity or dine in a particular place but didn't want to go alone. Some come to scope out new conquests. Some come to talk points and miles. Some come to drink. Some come to eat. I always go into events reminding myself that everyone is not there for the same reason I might be... and its probably a good reminder for all of us to be tolerant of that.

6. Diversity. I've mentioned it again. The FT community is soooo diverse. Folks tend to naturally cluster a bit - whether by the airline they fly, their country of origin, their age, their relationship status/sexual orientation, their interests, their personalities. That's okay. Everyone on FT is not going to be my friend - many don't want to be and that's okay. If I want to have a BFF at a DO, I will usually bring my own.

Anyway... these are just my observations and everyone else's mileage may vary. That's one thing I find soooo cool about FT is that we all don't see the world around us the same way. Its ways makes it fascinating to meet and talk to new people - but its also what can cause frustration and communication breakdowns.