Where next?

Old Feb 24, 2018, 9:36 pm
  #1  
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Lightbulb Where next?

I'm fairly new here. I read more that what I post.
I'm 30, I'm in a long relation, and I'm unemployed, that means "on a budget". Just took a time off, to think.
Just four weeks ago, another Sunday morning, I returned from a 6000km road trip to 14 countries (basically the route was Moscow - Tirana).
We did manage to go to the supermarket, got used back to snow and cold, and spent a couple of days just trying to get things done. Wednesday morning (so 31st) we decided to visit an exhibition in Tsaritsyno State (a park in SE Moscow). Going there, I got a voice message from my mother. "I'm feeling very sick, please help me".
Went back home from the metro station, called her, called my dad, sisters, arranged her medical treatment, and waited some painful hours.
By late afternoon (Moscow time) she went on surgery, and according to the doctors, the situation was very serious. Dad asked me to fly ASAP to my hometown, in NW Argentina.
Had no time to think, saw an Iberia flight leaving in 4 hours, DME-MAD-EZE. Bought it. Credit card rejected. Booked it on the phone, paid it cash in the airport.
The flight had a 55 min connection in MAD, but due to late departure, we had only 20 minutes to connect in T4S. My partner was flying with me. No wifi, no roaming.
Flight to Buenos Aires was very uncomfortable, mostly due to having the worse seats of an A332.
As soon as I landed there, I got news: mum died the previous night, as I was flying from Moscow to Madrid.
I couldn't even get a flight to my city that evening, had to wait till the following morning. It was a sad night, a sleepless night again.
I got just on time for the burial. I had to look strong, as I'm the oldest of the family, or whatsoever. I wasn't sure what I had to do there.
After 5 days, I did a roadtrip with my partner on my mothers car to Bolivia. Country 17 in 35 days. I was more depressed than usual.
10 days later, we flew back to Moscow.
And back to peace, back to wait for a call, an interview, something, but nothing happens.

I'm a fairly boring person. I avoid places with people. I don't drink alcohol, don't do drugs, I'm against almost everything modern. I don't like music. I hate sports. I don't walk. I have, for long, stoped enjoying most of things (that's why I quitted my previous position, because I got bored). I have some passion for traveling, but I get exhausted when I'm not the one who is in charge.
And that's the problem of living with my partner. He likes places a bit warmer than Albania, or less communist, or with better food choices (at least something which hasn't been infected with Salmonella). I enjoy kebabs with coke in the street. I love eating in the street, because besides Albania, Montenegro and a few more places, smoking is banned in all the restaurants and I can't live without smoking.

So, I'm clinically depressed. I thought a trip might help. I'd like to do it on my own.
So I thought mixing my amazing driving skills, my beloved car (17 years old, running like a princess), and a couple of flights to no-where, maybe for fulfilling some gaps on my soviet aircraft list.
Maybe Central Asia. I have a good friend in Dushanbe waiting for me. But Dushanbe is a bit far away. So thought maybe driving up to Kazakhstan, and fly a couple of birds there, before getting somehow to Dushanbe. Uzbekistan would be nice. Turkmenistan would be even cooler. And Kyrgyzstan is not, but is the only left. And that would make my country list to 70, not that I care.

So, in comparison to some of you folks, I have unlimited time, and I'm looking for opinions where to go to feel better. My partner even suggested me returning for a while to Argentina to be with my family (or what's left of it), but I have my concerns about returning there, and being a hostage to the heat (summer), the family thing, and realizing that everyone is there working or doing their things, while I'm doing nothing, just wondering around.

Maybe a happier place than Central Asia...

So, I'm open to your comments, if there is any.
I've never expressed my self on this way on any forum, I'm not sure is normal to do so, but well, that's what I've got.

PS: 7:30am, -21`C, and still in no mood of sleeping...
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Old Feb 26, 2018, 1:03 am
  #2  
 
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It sounds like things are very challenging for you, eielef. What a stressful story you have shared!

Just a thought: this thread might see better responses in the OMNI section but the mods can work that out if necessary.

I cannot imagine what life would be like when my own parents pass away one day, although hopefully not for a good many years, however. As such, I'm hardly the one to offer you any wisdom here but I'm sure many others have experienced similar crises who can add their own few words. I can imagine though that my heart would break and I'd need time to mourn, naturally.

What I do know is merely clich but has rung true with me during traumatic moments: time heals wounds, so they say, but there will nonetheless be scars that we carry with us for a lifetime. Moreover, depression can be like drowning in the ocean whilst seeing everyone else around us magically breathing under water.

Travel may be a momentary escape which, at times like these, is not so bad in itself. I would encourage you in this endeavour. I know for myself that travel can sometimes breathe life back into some sparks of old, and refresh my soul, so to speak. Sometimes life becomes overwhelming or simply boring and we feel unenthusiastic, lacking the passion we once had. We need to be patient with ourselves and find time to pause, breathe a while, mourn yet mend, heal and rediscover the beauty in life. Don't be afraid to reach out to others around you and share your experiences, as you have with us on these boards.

You have reminded me of a few lines from the Lord of the Rings:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

I can't give you an answer per se, but know that you're in my prayers and I encourage your future endeavours whatever they may be! Feel free to keep us posted with your travel adventures and how you're going with life in general if you want.
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Old Feb 26, 2018, 2:30 am
  #3  
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Thank you Catweazle. In my humble opinion, times doesn't heal easily. Like the first week, you get lots of attention. Now, I'm trying to find people for my mother's mess at the local church. I know few of her friends, and less their phone numbers. I brought back home her mobile phone, and tried to search through her contact list, but she was quite a mess. Like she wouldn't put the name and last name, but mostly a nick name, very common in NW Argentina, like for instance Gordita (fatty, in a nice way). Who the hell is Gordita? Maybe a doctor, maybe a cousin, maybe a neighbor. My sisters don't have a bigger clue than I. So I just posted on her facebook, and also on the newspaper, to invite at least someone besides my sisters (as my father is now abroad for work).
Traveling could make me feel better, or doing something out of the routine. But is really hard to remove the pain, and get the energy just to leave bed.
I feel no real interest on anything now. And my psychiatrist (due to my depression) doesn't agree on changing my medicines... So I'm stuck here, just watching videos on youtube, or reading trip reports..
Thanks for your prayers, as a devout catholic, I deeply appreciate them.
Regards
Eielef @mow
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Old Feb 26, 2018, 7:18 am
  #4  
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There will be many here praying for you & your family , eielef .

God never fails ! Cling onto Him always through difficult times like this , and otherwise .
Your mother is not suffering any more . And if she had a relationship with God , as you indicate , she is in a much better place .

Take heart , you are not alone . You must grieve .
Travel , whatever it takes you to “ enjoy “ .
Perhaps going home or thereabouts when it is cooler can be an option .
Please keep us posted on your trips , hopefully not as intense as what you have been doing recently though ..

And talking about Lord of the Rings , Catweazle , we will be visiting some of where it was filmed next month


Last edited by FlyerEC; Feb 26, 2018 at 7:58 am Reason: iPad typo , add info
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Old Feb 26, 2018, 10:12 am
  #5  
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My mother had a very deep relation with God and the Catholic Church. Her last visitor in that sad night was a Priest from the Emergency Pastoral Service, that work every night from 10pm to 7am. He gave her the last sacraments and he saw tears on her eyes, albeit being in coma (people in coma does listen and feel things). That made me feel much better. But well, the grief and pain is there.
I've volunteered today in my previous work (I was a professor at the university), just to break the routine.
Sure, something will come soon.
Thank you guys for your support. I never expected this in a forum such as flyertalk! I'm flattered and extremely happy to having found you.
Cheers
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Old Mar 1, 2018, 8:15 pm
  #6  
 
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Sometimes you can take it one day at a time. Other days one hour at a time, or a few minutes.

When my dad past away very suddenly, I didn't think I could live without him.

Volunteering is one of the very best ways to get out of ourselves, even if only a few hours.

Prayers for you and best wishes for your future, one step at a time,
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Old Mar 2, 2018, 12:03 am
  #7  
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Quite frankly, I think you need to see a therapist or psychologist. It sounds like you have been traveling a lot, and I'm not sure it is helping you feel better. If you are depressed due to working too hard or being around people too much, then a trip might help you feel better, but for you, I don't think that is the case.
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Old Mar 2, 2018, 6:24 am
  #8  
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Dear CBN. I do have a psychologist, and I've been taking antidepressants for over 5 year. I'm maniac-depressive. But is not the case. Founding a hobby, or traveling a bit more, or working a bit more, keeps me busy, though being busy doesn't make you feel better.
E.G.: couple of days ago, my partner asked me to turn off the computer at 1am. I did so, and I couldn't sleep. I spent 5 hours thinking on what to do, and I took sleeping pills with no effect. Last night, I wasn't tired, I took no sleeping pills, I turned on some Youtube video about lions, and slept in no time...
The idea of thinking and focusing on my thoughts kills me...
Thanks for your thoughts.
Cheers
Eielef
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