It sounds like things are very challenging for you, eielef. What a stressful story you have shared!
Just a thought: this thread might see better responses in the OMNI section but the mods can work that out if necessary.
I cannot imagine what life would be like when my own parents pass away one day, although hopefully not for a good many years, however. As such, I'm hardly the one to offer you any wisdom here but I'm sure many others have experienced similar crises who can add their own few words. I can imagine though that my heart would break and I'd need time to mourn, naturally.
What I do know is merely cliché but has rung true with me during traumatic moments: time heals wounds, so they say, but there will nonetheless be scars that we carry with us for a lifetime. Moreover, depression can be like drowning in the ocean whilst seeing everyone else around us magically breathing under water.
Travel may be a momentary escape which, at times like these, is not so bad in itself. I would encourage you in this endeavour. I know for myself that travel can sometimes breathe life back into some sparks of old, and refresh my soul, so to speak. Sometimes life becomes overwhelming or simply boring and we feel unenthusiastic, lacking the passion we once had. We need to be patient with ourselves and find time to pause, breathe a while, mourn yet mend, heal and rediscover the beauty in life. Don't be afraid to reach out to others around you and share your experiences, as you have with us on these boards.
You have reminded me of a few lines from the Lord of the Rings:
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
I can't give you an answer per se, but know that you're in my prayers and I encourage your future endeavours whatever they may be! Feel free to keep us posted with your travel adventures and how you're going with life in general if you want.