LOL I lost my balls at Wet n Wild so if anyone finds them please return them.

Legendary stuff eightblack. Loving it!

This is simply the most entertaining read I have found - when will you offer up a subscription website with daily feeds of this stuff? I'll gladly pay!

Last night, after a few hours of listening to me laugh, the wifey finally asked what was so damn funny. I read her a few excerpts and explained why it was so funny. Her response, "You and your "airplane" friends are complete morons. I mean, who really cares where you went, or sat, or ate or drank? Also, I don't get why you would want to take trips just to (sometimes) write about it along the way, then turn around and come right back home after only a few hours. It is so incredibly stupid. You already have a bunch of miles, why do you need more? I mean, you travel all the time for work, why do you want to spend your time off flying too? I think there should be a rehab center for you and your friends... you know, like there are for other addicts!"

There was more, but I quit listening and continued reading.

LMAO!! ^

We have a similar conversation at the socalduck household every December. It has become a holiday tradition in its own right.

Same here.
Kind of like the reading of "The Night Before Christmas", except the topic is a discussion of the merits of Mileage Runs.

Dissing DTW I get...but what do you have against Adelaide?

It has been 32+ hours since your last update...we need our fix.

Yea seriously.....you would be a good drug dealer lol

When we woke up on the morning of our flight to New York, the most bizarre of things was occurring in Dubai. It was pouring rain. Not just spitting. But bucketing down. Small children were being swept down the street.

Ok, I may have made that last part up. But the rest was true.

It seldom rains in Dubai. They have no idea what to do when it does. Streets don't have drains. There's a shortage of umbrellas. And the locals - well, they just simply sit inside and smoke and eat until the "incident" has passed.

The hotel staff were quite funny to watch. There was a lot of arm waving between the porters and front of staff people because they were concerned that we (the guests) were going to get wet, trying to get into the car.

Because it was quite early in the morning, there wasn't many people checking in at the lobby. In fact there was no one.

So the EK driver arrives in his Mercedes van again and there is a lot of yelling in Arabic. Next thing we know, the man with the van has reversed the thing virtually all the way into the lobby of the damn hotel. An army of men grappled with the bags, while another 2 held umbrellas over our heads as we climbed aboard.

The kids, were as usual, unhappy that we were departing at o'dark hundred and I think one of them asked why we could never catch a plane at a normal hour. Actually, I think that might have been me.

Checking in was a breeze - despite our mountain of luggage and within minutes we were thrust into the mad throng of Terminal 3. At 6.30am in the morning, this place is a complete zoo. I told the family that this was not the place to start farting around, that we had to stick together like glue and keep within arms length of each other - unless we wanted to be swept down stream in a mad current of people. If you ask me, the new A380 concourse couldn't come quick enough. I hate Dubai Airport at rush hour.

As you would expect, the family completely ignored me and all 3 went off in different directions. Idiots.

I yelled across a sea of people to my wife that I would meet them all in the lounge, at the far end. She and the kids acknowledged my instructions by simultaneously giving me the bird.

Surprisingly, we all managed to reconvene about 15-minutes later. All in one piece. Son had decided that despite it being 7am in the morning, it was ok to eat chocolate donuts and ice-cream. His sister, not wanting to be left out, did the same. Parental objections fell on deaf ears.

I don't know about you, but I have a rule with kids and eating and travel. They can eat and drink whatever they want. But only on travel days. This has only really turned out to be a bad decision once. On a flight between MUC and SIN.

We had been around Italy the week prior and Number One son had gorged himself on salami, pizza, more salami and enough parmesan cheese to choke a horse. Suffice to say that I was starting to become concerned about the health and condition of his digestive system.

We were on a LH 340 (I think). I was in F (the only one) and junior was in the first row of J, just behind me. Silly US Air redemptions, but lets not worry about that part now. He was there. And I was here. You know what I mean.

Son decides that he needs to go to the bathroom and promptly decides to use the F toilet. Suffice to say that what follows wasn't pretty. A decade later (or what felt like it), he returns, looking like he just gave birth to something.

"Dad, you might ask the crew if they can crack a window in the toilet or light a couple of candles" son says matter of factly
"Why, what have you done?"
"I had to use the bathroom"
"God no, not the F toilet" I say with despair
"Why, where are the other ones?"

Just as I was about to throttle the child, there was a lot of commotion in the forward cabin. I think the Captain and co-pilot had donned oxygen masks and one of the flight attendants was trying to revive the other one who went to investigate the source of the hideous smell.

Germans are not renowned for their sense of humor - and this health infraction about tipped the crew right over.

Anyway, where were we?

Right. EK A380 flight to New York. Upper Deck. Rows 18 and 20.

I was actually amazed I was able to snag these seats in the middle of December, given that I had only booked them about a month out. As I expected, the plane was bursting at the seams and we went out without a seat spare. In any class. Although, the good thing about the upper deck on EK is that even if every one of the 76 seats are occupied, it's hard to tell its full.

The flight mainly consisted of returning expats and their families. The mood was jovial and even the crew seemed to be in good spirits. No real delay in pushing back and the Captain gave the big ugly bird a boot full of kerosene and after what seemed like an eternity, we lifted off - destination The Big Apple.

While I wont admit this in public, this was actually one of the best flights of the year. Wife and I were actually civil to each other, the kids were settled and we spent several hours at the bar, chatting with others and quietly calming our nerves with a relaxing drink. I really think EK have nailed it with the bar on their A380. It's a great place to be especially on long flights.

* * * * * * * * * *

New York is one of those cities that doesn't pretend to be anything that it isn't. It grabs you by the scruff of the neck and doesn't pull any punches. It's an "in your face" city. I love it. For the most part. And we wanted the kids to have a look around, to take in the sights and to experience it all.

What you might "want" out of your visit to NY and what it actually delivers can be two entirely different things altogether though.

First, there was the limo drive from JFK to Manhattan. Guido and his cousin picked us up in their battered old town cars. The girls set off in one car and we set off in the other - and as we pulled out of the airport, I actually wondered if I would ever see them again.

Traffic was at a standstill. Total gridlock. It was agonizing. Took 90-minutes to reach our destination.

We were heading towards the Crowne Plaza at Times Square. Truth be told, I don't much like the area, but it is close to everything. Last year, son and I stayed at the InterContinental, and this year, I decided we would stay somewhere different so burned some Priority points and booked 2 connecting rooms at the CP.

The place was busier than Grand Central Station. Wife and daughter arrived about 20-mins before we did and because my wife wasn't on the reservation, the hotel staff wouldn't let her check in. Thats New York for you. Every other hotel we went to pre and post this let her do it. Sometimes I wasn't even in the country when she checked in with the kids. Go figure.

In the morning, I wanted us to eat breakfast at one of those greasy spoon real old fashioned American diners. Love the places. The best way to find out where the cheapest and best breakfast places are is to ask the doorman to the hotel. "Walk up here a block, make a right and its on your left" were the instructions.

And the doorman was right. Cracker of a place. Cheap as chips too - if there is such a place in New York. We were so impressed we ate their 2 days in a row�

Which reminds me. It's Miller time where I am. Be back shortly.

Nothing. Best chocolate in the country (Haighs) is made there. And our best wine comes from the Barossa Valley. It's just one of those Aussie things. Bit like Americans dissing the Canadians. No one quite knows why it happens. It just does.

Did you not use the EK chauffeur service?

Yes, and they sent me Guido. And his short, rotund cousin. Both said nary a word on the way in...

Oh ok haha. It sounded like you used some random italian car service lol