Great read. Enjoy the mountain air!

Brilliant as always Eightblack.

FWIW, there is a Carnegie Deli in Vegas as well and the sandwiches are just as huge.

I'm still amazed that you drove a rental car from the airport directly to an auto dealer and bought a car. I've NEVER heard of that..

... and we still haven't heard what car he bought. or how he FT'ed a good price.

You know, I nearly forgot to talk about this. What with all the pointless drivel about flying the family all over the place, the most important stuff was nearly wallpapered right over. Crikey, what was I thinking.

Status. Both hotel and airline. It is after all, why we're all here.

Candidly, I was in a bit of a mild panic because I was 3-days short of Diamond with Hyatt. And we were already into the twenties from a date range perspective. Month, December. I was so close though I could smell it. It was within easy reach. No way I wasn't going to make it.

Thankfully I had ticked off AA EXP. But that was a friggin' drama in itself. Man, did those AA folks make me earn my ride into their semi elite bosom. Even if I did do the 1K challenge. But I think I already told you about that. Two quick turns on CX - from Colombo to Singapore to Hong Kong to Melbourne. And back again. Nearly killed me.

So thankfully one down. The toughest one. And two to go. One hotel program. And one airline. How hard could it be, right?

I thought Hyatt would be ok. Found a very attractive rate and booked the O'Hare Hyatt for the last 3-days I needed. Bob's your Uncle as we say down under. Job done.

My wife knows that I can't stay in Michigan too long. Sort of like a duck out of water. One bathroom. Limited bedrooms. And 22 people for lunch on Christmas day. Which has its challenges, none of which are actually more important than getting through the day unscathed.

I don't know what happens at your place but if you celebrate Xmas in Australia, you celebrate it in the heat. Which I have never really been able to get my head around. Sort of like having sex with your clothes on. You go through the motions but its just not quite the same. You know what I mean. I know you do.

Truthfully, Australians are hopeless when it comes to Xmas. We've sort of hijacked the tradition of it all. Yes we have ham. And sometimes turkey. And most of the familiar trimmings. But then we've gone all mediterranean on it and the meal now includes seafood. Up the wazoo. Or a whole lot of meat cooked on the grill. Weird old Uncles then sit around in the late afternoon with their hands down their pants. And then comes the obligatory argument between people who only see each other once a year. It's quite bizarre when you think about it.

On Xmas morning in a big city like Melbourne, you see all these frazzled families charging around in their cars, going from one resentful relative to the other, Dad screaming at the kids, Mom screaming at Dad and the kids trying to beat each other senseless with their stocking stuffers. On top of it all, it doesn't even feel like Xmas because you're doing all this in your underwear as its 40 degrees celsius outside. Or 100F for everyone else.

Which is why I've always loved having Xmas in the US. Even if it is in Michigan. One, I love the cold. And lets face facts. You Americans know how to do celebrate this holiday better than most.

The first time I had Xmas in Michigan, we had to drive to my sister in laws. About half way there, I suddenly remembered that we didn't have anything to drink. As in the hard stuff. So we stop at a gas station and I walk inside...

"Can I have 3 cases of Heineken?" I politely ask the girl behind the 3-inch thick plexiglass window
"No sir" came the emphatic reponse
"But it's right there. In the fridge. And you have cases of it stacked up on the floor�" I respond with more than a hint of concern in my voice
"I know that"
"So why cant I buy it?" I say, almost pleading now with the rotund attendant
"State law. Cant sell it today" she snaps
"See those shotgun shells over there" I say, pointing to the stack of ammo on the floor, beside another stack of beef jerky.
"Yes sir.."
"Can I buy those?"
"Of course"
"How much can I buy?"
"As much as you want" the woman says proudly
"And that RPG rocket launcher and small bazooka, can I buy them?"
"Yep, makes sense. It is Xmas after all. They make perfect gifts"
"So what you're telling me is I can buy enough stuff to invade Illinois but I cant buy alcohol?"
"Nope"
"Not even for a desperate Australian"
"That's probably why the law was invented"

Dejected, I walk outside, not knowing how I was going to make it through the rest of the day without my beloved green tea. You can be sure I have never ever made that mistake again. Now when we have Xmas at The Big One's, I rent a u-haul the day before and load up at Meijers, the local supermarket.

Anyway, where were we?

Right, status. Hyatt Diamond. The O'Hare property.

So - as I said, I can only tolerate staying in Michigan for a short time. I was given permission to go visit good friends in Omaha. As in Nebraska. Which is where we used to live. And where Number One son was born. So I find some flights on AA which leave out of Flint, via O'Hare and I hoof it on over to corn country for 3 days of R&R. They are wonderful friends. Lovely home. Big Drinkers. And great cooks. What more could a simple man like me want. It was all right there...

My plan was this. I had a 3 hour layover in ORD on my way over. Perfect I said to myself. Would leave the airport, catch the Hyatt shuttle. Check into the hotel. Throw the key in the bin. And then head back to the airport and jump on the flight to Omaha. Wouldn't need to check out again as Hyatt have this clever web check out process now. It was my first real mattress run. I had finally popped another travel related cherry. So to speak.

But as with all grand but simple travel plans, things went a bit pear shaped. Maybe that just happens to me. First off, it was Fri the 21st of December. Busy was an understatement. Easy enough process to get to the Hyatt. Checking in a breeze also. Even made room for a coffee and something to eat in the Club Lounge on the ground floor. Kept telling myself I had stacks of time. But there was this little niggling feeling at the back of my mind. You know the one that says "are you sure you really want to leave a safe and sterile area..?"

Then I panicked. Checked my watch again and thought, man, I might be cutting it a bit fine. But I kept telling myself 90-minutes should be plenty to get back to the airport, clear security and calm my nerves with a Bloody Mary before the quick hop to see Uncle Warren. As in Buffet. I wish.

The AA premium TSA lane was about as efficiently managed as the queues at the Department of Motor Vehicles. More importantly it was bedlam. People everywhere. To infinity and beyond. My heart sank.

The place was full of people going to California and Vermont. And everywhere in between. People who traveled once a year. Security was at an all time slow. Not that it has ever been fast. You'd think $8 billion a year would buy you swiss grade efficiency. But apparently not. Lets not dwell shall we.

Mercifully, I made it. But not without some stress.

So time to head back to Michigan and I do the reverse. But this time no exiting The Windy City's airport. Thank god. All the flights worked perfectly. Although AA really do need to do something about the state of those regional puddle jumpers. Dreadful aircraft. My new years resolution is to avoid regional jets of all kinds. I don't care if I have to take 3 steps back to go one step forward.

The next stage was to complete my UA mileage run. Second one ever. From DTW to DXB. With a IAH and IAD in between. Sounds more like a science project doesn't it.

I was around 25 EQM's short of 1K. Time was against me so I needed to do this in one fell swoop. After some quick and dirty math, I found a B fare all the way to the Sand Pit. And the SWU's cleared immediately on the 777 legs. The domestics were those Smisek specials which automatically put you into F. Smoke and mirrors if you ask me, but no upgrade lottery to deal with so I couldn't really complain.

I think I left on the Wed night. Would stay on the ground in DXB for all of 7 hours. Then turn right around and come home on the same plane - after it had made a quick stop in Doha. Which meant leaving on Wed, staying at the airport in DTW Wed night, and then trekking out Thurs morning at o'dark hundred. Meant total trip time was 3-days. Lets call it 40 hours of straight flying. And the rest being groped by airport security personnel. Which at my age, I am not that opposed to. Call me old fashioned. At least someone cared...

As is always the case, I found out later that if I had have bought the ticket all the way to DOH, (instead of DXB) I would have saved $700. Such is life.

So I head off for DTW on Wed afternoon from the sleepy family town in Michigan in yet another Enterprise car. This time a large, white Suburban. Was like driving an aircraft carrier. Pretty well much the same gas mileage as one. It was lightly snowing. Very lovely indeed.

A hint of deja vu came over me. But it was only 80 odd miles. That was nothing. That's like an hour and a half. At the most. Along major interstates. And I was in a car which weighed as much a house.

So off I went. And then I didn't.

The snow turned from a light sprinkle to a decent dump. The roads got progressively worse. Cars and their hapless occupants were starting to find themselves up close and personal with the ditch. Facing the wrong way. Vision was also an issue.

As I got closer and closer to Detroit Airport, I got farther and farther away. If you know what I mean. I was down to a snails pace. But you know what, I didn't really care. I mean, I wasn't going to be late given that I was staying at the airport Westin for the night. I had learned my lesson from my New York fiasco. Even packed a coat and some gloves. And if traction becomes an issue, you simply push hard on the loud pedal and the Suburban responds like a faithful, overweight husky.

Guess how long it took me to get to Wayne County Airport? Just guess.

Four flaming' hours. I was fit to be tied. The airport was 6-inches deep in snow, which didn't seem to bother the shuttle bus drivers or cabbies as they whizzed past with their terrified occupants clinging for dear life.

I dump the rental. Catch the shuttle back to the hotel. Remind myself to book DL if I am flying out of Detroit and staying at the Westin as the hotel is right above (or beside) the DL areas. And then I head to the bar, where its 6 people deep. Mainly full of Canadians who had missed a flight to somewhere warm. And holiday revelers who had miscalculated the effect of the 8th martini. But you know what, it was a great atmosphere and I spent the night talking to a guy called Jeff who had worked for DL for 34 years as some sort of inspector. In the end, I think he got paid a lot to walk around with a flashlight yelling at people and writing things on a clipboard.

I didn't have the courage to tell my new best drinking buddy where I was going over the next 3 days or in fact, what I was actually doing. I don't think he would have even believed me if I had tried. I mean, come on. Would anyone except for a faithful FT'er�

Thankfully I was saved by the bell. In this case, the bell being a very attractive Canadian lady whose plastic surgeon did a magnificent job. Jeff and I had to concentrate to save ourselves from falling off the bar stools. There was no where to look. Up. Down. Left or right. It was useless. We were useless. The buxom cougar had infected our pathetic male brains.

So where was I? I forget. Actually no I don't. Reality soon set in and Jeff had to leave as he was due at work at sparrows. I had to get up early. More importantly, and for some strange reason, those damn Hyatt nights hadn't posted and when I called Gold Passport, some cranky young thing told me that because I had used a rate which was practically an insult to her and her family, I was going to be credited with exactly squat. Diddly to be precise.

This was going to be close...

I am so glad I found this thread, you are endlessly engaging. Can't wait for the next installment.

Welcome to my native state of Colorado!! Thoroughly enjoy these trip reports, they keep me in stitches, and I'm only 200 miles west of the Big "O".

The interesting thing about Enterprise really is, it came to the airport rental late, they were/are big in auto replacement for car dealerships and such... National is ran much better for the frequent traveler..

As a Belgian I take offence somewhat to the fact you drink Heineken. We have so many excellent beers (for the record, Stella is not one of them, unless you live in Leuven) that make Heineken look like cat piss.

Other than that, great report and did you end up buying a Pepe?

Very first time to read your TR, and now i am speechless.
I have to dig up your previous TR, and may suffer from sleepless night for the consequence. It's your fault!!!

You can very nearly substitute US 4th of July celebration to relieve any homesickness for the Australian Christmas. The kids will be throwing live explosives at one another in lieu of sock beatings. And possibly at you.

Someone asked me why I wanted to live in the US. It's easy. I love the place. Always have. I'll give you an example.

You can walk into any Home Depot or Lowes, head for the section where they sell ride on mowers and you can have a serious conversation with an intelligent male.

"How big a engine can I fit into this John Deere tractor" you casually ask
"Sir it comes with a 24 HP gas engine" the man replies
"Can I get it any bigger?"
"Of course"
"Does it come in 4WD?"
"Yes of course"
"Can I fit a large snow blade to the thing?"
"Yes indeed"
"Is there a likelihood that small children or annoying pets might get sucked up under the mower deck?"
"Most certainly"
"How many cup holders does it have?"
"16" comes the reply

And that is precisely why this country is great. There is no such thing as too big. Sod being politically correct. I'm tired of it.

The guy from Home Depot is not going to bat an eyelid because you want to buy a ride on mower which could pull a house off its foundations. The guy from the local Ford dealer isn't going to report you to a group of angry women with short haircuts because you want a pickup truck that uses more gas than the whole of Ecuador.

The contractor who is finishing your basement isn't going to care less at the fact that you want to install a 80 foot large cinema screen, build a wet bar with a Hooters feel or install 15 air con units, because you don't like waiting more than 5 minutes for your house to get cool in summer.

Even units of measurement sound better. You use gallons instead of silly litres. Miles instead of kilometers. And a 16 oz steak means you aint' walking away hungry. You don't walk into a restaurant and say - could I please have a 453 gram piece of ribeye, medium rare with a side of steamed alfalfa sprouts. And a dash of couscous.

No you say "I'll have the 22 oz Hired Hand cut, a one pound loaded baked potato - (which could effectively choke a horse) and if I see anything green or steamed on the plate, I'm going to open a big can of whoop arse on someone" And I'll have a beer in a 52 oz glass.

And if you order a mixed drink at a bar, the bar tender is going to pour you a drink which you most certainly will feel the effect of rather than putting on his health and safety vest, getting out his measuring thimble and making you a drink which wouldn't affect a chihuahua with a liver disease.

Or something like this.

I go to Europe a lot and I see all these silly people driving around in little diesel cars built in some obscure country. Like France. Ok they might sip fuel like a miser. But they are about as exciting to drive as opting out of a TSA security check point.

And there's the range of stuff. From supermarkets. To trash collection. People want your business. You can buy anything you want and have it shipped to your front door in a matter of days. And if it doesn't arrive, you can wave your arms at either the Fedex or UPS person and you'll likely receive a credit on your next shipment.

When my wife and kids told me they wanted to "go home" it was an easy sell. It really was. And because of FT, I was able to make it happen for cents on the dollar.

It's why I chased status on 2 airlines and a hotel chain right up to the very end. All those fools who don't understand, well, I don't care. Let them be non-believers. Personally, it makes my life easier. As I hope it does for you.

Thanks for reading. And wherever your travels take you in 2013, may the op-up Gods smile down on you, may your room upgrade happen and may your mini-bar be full of complimentary refreshments.

Viva la USA. It's good to be home.

This sums up perfectly what I hate about Europe (mind you, there is plenty to love as well).

signed, a Belgian.

What a great TR to start the year. Thanks, Eightblack! And welcome back to the USA! If you do find yourself having to take an AE flight, just make sure it's a CR7, the highest-quality of the low-quality RJs.

I can't imagine a better way to start the new year - at least in a literary sense - than with an eightblack trip report. Three of my favorite words in your reports are "See you soon" or �Be back soon�. It should be noted however that rather than read your posts incrementally, I like to wait until the entire report has been submitted, after which I print it up to read in its entirety later on. The wait ain't easy, but at least those three words mean that I�m going to have even more to enjoy when I finally do set down to enjoy your latest effort.

Thank you for yet another wonderfully humorous and insightful tale. I hope you and your family get many opportunities to enjoy Colorado's many natural pleasures in the coming year(s).

I think you know you have made it as far as Trip Reports go when FT'ers such as Seat 2A and SFO777 respond to your tales. In my case - drivel.

One day, I am going to put the effort into actually writing one of these, rather than banging away at it at our coffee table, kids screaming in the background, and wife asking me why I put Tide into the clothes dryer (you know, those machines, they look the same to me)

I am very grateful for your comments Seat 2A, I really am. And I am enjoying Colorado. I went to a liquor store today called Daveco, which would have to have the most spectacular selection of foreign and local beers I have ever seen...