Michilander

That is us. I gave away several upgrades to sit with my wife, I gave her a bunch, and we split some when we got one each way.

SanDiego1K

That's us as well.

If we are both flying on international award tickets, I work hard to get us in the same cabin. I always manage it on the long haul portion but sometimes not on the domestic connections. If I can't, better to have one up front than none. Recently, we were traveling domestically, one on an award ticket, the other on paid. The one on the paid ticket got 3 of 4 flights upgraded. The other one knew going in it would be coach. Life goes on.

Thunderroad

This situation hasn't come up much for my wife and me. But if it did, our decision would be situational...

Since I'm the travel coordinator for the two of us and can generally plan far in advance when award and upgrade availability is ok, I always make sure that when we're traveling together cross-country we're upgraded for domestic (using AA miles and co-pay) at time of ticketing or obtain J or F award seats together for international.

There may yet be scenarios (such as award availability constraints) in which one might have to fly in one cabin and one in another for international vacations. In that case - such as an upcoming HKG trip - I'd definitely make sure she gets F and I get J (unless of course an F seat opens up for me also ).

However, one time when it was a choice between F and Y for cross-country domestic travel, she insisted I take F because I'm 6'2" and have a bad back and she's 5'4" and when traveling alone domestically or internationally is thoroughly indifferent to seat assignment or even being squeezed on a domestic discount carrier.

If by some chance due to some flight change it would come down to one in J and one in Y for international, we'd discuss it. But in view of my height and back and the fact that she's much shorter and much less spoiled than I am, I have to be honest that I'd opt for J unless she insisted otherwise (which I know she wouldn't).

lalala

This is how we do it - person that buys the ticket gets the UG. I am more likely to clear than my TH, and if she bought the ticket, then she deserves the first UG. In this case, I will move from my aisle to get her a window. If she clears later, then I take what is left. She's been known to downgrade back to window seat incoach if she clears into a middle seat or the middle section on a wide body. I do not understand the need to sit together, but maybe that is just me.

Live4Upgrade

I made the mistake once of sitting in F (battlefield upgrade) while wife was in Y. And, I hear about it every vacation we've gone on since and it's going on 10 years ago.

gooselee

This is what happened with me and Mrs. Lee.

I honestly don't get the "always give it to your wife" thing. If the wife is the one that travels all the time and often gets upgraded, why not treat the husband?

On a quick domestic we'll often split up and just switch off who is in J/F and who stays in Y. Unless the F seat is not a window, in which case Mrs. Lee keeps her window in coach. There is no "wife must always get the better option" thing. We are reasonable adults and both enjoy the comfort of an F seat as well as giving each other the nicer thing. She also understands that if I am joining her on a vacation after a long work trip in Y, I may value the F seat more than her in that moment.

On longer flights we'll decline the solo upgrade to sit together. This is usually fine since a) we purposely try to book equipment on these flights with a two-year window/aisle config in Y, and b) for the really long flights, we book in F/J to begin with.

Calliopeflyer

You don't seriously think it's no big deal to leave someone you care about standing alone in a long line so that you can breeze on through? Or, that it's OK to stand in an annoying line alone and watch someone you care about pass you by rather than keep you company in your shared line-waiting misery? Personally, I am happy to keep my friends and family company in a line up and have no desire to spend it alone (or leave them to spend it alone). If we're sharing a vacation/trip/whatever experience, that includes the transit as well as the destination. Hassle shared is hassle halved.

hawkxp

I've solved my problems---We travel on different airlines.

sbm12

Yes, I do.

Minimize the aggregate pain, maximize the aggregate pleasure. If that means only one person gets the "good" experience at some point during the flight, well, we take the one over zero. We're adults and know that it is not because we hate the other person or want them to have a worse experience. That's just the way it works out some times.

The person in the easier/shorter line takes the bags and does something useful with the time saved, like refilling water bottles or such. The net is still a win for both of us.

will2288

My thoughts exactly. We would never intentionally book only one of us in J, but if we get one upgrade, we both understand why I should get it. I am a foot taller, 100lbs heavier, and I have an interest in flying.

If there was something that she would get much more enjoyment out of than me, of course she would take the better seat. For example, if we got one seat upgraded to front row at a concert to a band she loved, of course she would get the better seat.

Some posters seem to have lost their spine from sitting in Y too much.

lhrsfo

It really should be a question of who enjoys it more, or who needs it more. However, it's not a question at all - my wife gets it. And sometimes there's some payback later

darthbimmer

My wife and I are both egalitarian and pragmatic about accepting split cabin assignments.

...Egalitarian meaning that we see each other as equally deserving of the opportunity to have a nicer seat. We accept no traditional gender roles such as "A man should always defer to the woman," or "The woman should always sacrifice her own satisfaction for her husband's." (Both are practiced in different cultural backgrounds we are personally familiar with.)

...Pragmatic meaning that we consider other factors beyond simply, "Whose turn is it?" While we're happy to alternate A-B-A-B if that's the only basis for a decision, generally we also consider factors such as: 1) I'm a big guy and a larger seat often means more to me comfort-wise than to my wife; 2) My wife has chronic pain issues and sometimes really needs the bigger seat more than I do; or 3) Either of us might have a tight schedule-- like having to work early the next day after a long flight-- in which case the upgrade means more to that person than the other.

invisible

Why? I am sitting at Haneda airport on our flight back to Singapore right now, next to my wife. She flies Business, I am in Y. On way in she was in F on SQ (ticket bought on miles, obviously).

And this is standard setup - if we are flying together on long haul flights and there is an option to have her to fly in business - I will always do it.

Don't get why this could be relationship no-no. If you can do nice thing to your spouse by letting her flying with more comfort and knowing that she would appreciate it more - why don't do it? What is the problem?

So if both can't enjoy upgrade/comfort, then none should? I really feel sorry for people who are in relationship with people with this twisted logic...

canadiancow

This.

This this this.

This is literally the definition of sexism.

Depends on the circumstances.

If it's the difference between a "priority" line and a regular line (i.e. no Pre✓ for either of us, but one of us is J/F and the other is Y), then I'd wait.

But for reasons I don't really feel like getting into on FT, my experience in a regular line is VERY different from any traveling companion I've ever had. But Pre✓ works fine.

So I have left people in other lines (mind you, I just spent 210k miles on a friend for a trip so we would both be in F, so they'll never be in a regular line if they're with me) while I use Pre✓, but no one I've flown with has ever questioned my motives.

There are things that will show up on the full body scanner that do not set off the metal detector. Heck, I've had sweat on my back set off the body scanner. It is a lot more work to go through there when you have at minimum 2-3 yellow rectangles show up every single time, than when you never have any.

Or do you not think it's a big deal to leave someone you care about standing alone being groped by TSA just so you can be "kept company" for five minutes?

I have done exactly two trips with someone when we weren't in the same cabin. One was around 3 hours, the other was 8 hours with a connection to a 2 hour flight.

It's not something I'd want to do again.

If we're going on vacation together, I want to spend time together. "No, sir, even in a plastic cup, I can't give your friend in economy any champagne." is not something I ever want to be told again.

Annalisa12

My husband enjoys premium travel but says it is stupid that we pay for first class. He said it we are wasting our retirement money. On the return leg of First Class trip I told husband he was welcome to downgrade to economy and he could buy an Omega watch with the difference. Well, guess what... he didn't want to downgrade.