ysolde

And this excuses not working for three days? Grow up. You have no idea how often or how common it is for us women to have men try to gauge how willing we may be for more intimate relations, even in our enlightened US. Perhaps especially in our enlightened US, where we work 60-80 hours a week.

Really, running out of the room and being rendered incapable of working for three days because some man kissed me on the cheek? You must be joking. Next, she'll say he had cooties.

Giggleswick

The clearly over-the-top nature of this woman's reaction (unable to work normally for three days?) makes me wonder--admittedly without any particular evidence--whether she was subjected to some sort of sexual attack in the past and is suffering from PTSD. If so, I'd strongly suggest that she get some type of therapy, and try to work with her supervisor so that in the meantime she is not sent to work in countries where physical contact such as cheek kisses are common. Telling her supervisor might make her uncomfortable, but probably less uncomfortable than suffering the consequences from a three-day freakout while on an assignment.

GUWonder

"Grow up" and deal with what was posted. She worked for those three days, just not a lot, according to the OP.



Those above three sentences make no sense.

chgoeditor

I too think your friend's reaction was entirely unprofessional, but it occurs to me: What if your friend were Muslim? (I assume she isn't.) In that case, would we still be faulting her for her overreaction, or would we be faulting the man who was so culturally insensitive as to kiss her?

CBear

So it's not okay to spray someone with spittle (coughing) but it is okay to make physical contact via a known disease vector (mouth) on the face of the recipient?

I grew up in a "kissing" culture. Hated it then, hate it now. I don't even like to shake hands.
I wouldn't go running out of a room, but I certainly would be annoyed if this incident happened to me. Who knows, maybe this woman suffered some form of sexual abuse previously, maybe she has sensory/attachment/some other kind of mental condition. I am not one to judge.
It also goes both ways. It's not just the woman that needed to be aware of local custom. I would certainly be a little more aware of how my bizarre cultural introduction would come across to a person not of my culture and act accordingly. Maybe a "in our culture it is tradition to kiss one on the cheek as a token of greeting" or whatever.

GUWonder

The reactions would probably be just the same, although that depends on how you would characterize things if more Islamophobes posted on FT on this topic.

France has the EU's largest population of muslims -- including population of muslims of European ethnicities -- but not sure why that would make a difference.

Where is Dominique Strauss-Kahn on this topic? He certainly didn't care.

SanDiego1K

As someone who has done international business for 30 years, I don't agree. If I wanted to represent my company, I needed to understand the cultural norms of where I traveled. If I wasn't willing to make that effort, I wasn't going to maximize my value for the company and I shouldn't be given those assignments.

When my last company began to send large teams of people abroad, it set up a cultural sensitivity training program in order to avoid these kinds of misunderstandings.

MoreMilesPlease

I think a company that sends employees to foreign cultures should be responsible for providing cultural classes. To just send someone out to do business and represent the company without any training is bad business. It doesn't matter if it is a small company or a large multinational. Obviously the company did not provide their employee with the tools to be successful in the business environment.

So unless this woman portrayed herself as an experience international business person, the company should bear some of the fault for the gaffe, IMO.

ysolde

We were actually given trainings in how business was conducted around the globe: "Yes," does not always mean yes, so you may think you have a deal, but in certain cultures, saying, "No," is considered a huge insult, so make sure you actually have a deal before you leave. In other cultures, you re never going to hear, "Yes," they just keep going around in what seems like circles. But for them, "getting to the point," is incredibly rude, and so on. Even the way in which you present your business card makes a difference.

violist

Funny, for me, those three sentences captured the essence of
this conversation.

GUWonder

The essence being a lack of facts? It seems so.

ysolde wasn't the kissed subject of the OP. The subject of the OP is said to have worked the next three days there even after the unwanted physical contact. No claim about "cooties" there either.

t325

I don't know why everyone's so quick to judge. Maybe she's a victim of rape or sexual assault? Maybe when she was a kid, her father or other male figure in her life started kissing her inappropriately which led to worse things. Who knows. Combine something like that with the fact that this is not a custom in the US and I could see why she'd react that way. I just don't think it's fair to call her a child or idiot or whatever without knowing the whole story.

peregrin

Cultural sensitivity goes both ways. It was entirely inappropriate of the man to kiss her in this business setting. Does he bear no responsiblity whatsoever for not having done his homework on North American customs? Frankly, he behaved boorishly and insensitively himself.

That said, her reaction was over the top. Even if she were initially flustered she should have made an effort to regain her composure and carried on.

brendog

It's a good thing she didn't come to the Mid-Atlantic region of the US where we greet business associates with a solid grab of the buttocks. My local colleagues tell me this is completely normal for this region.

j_the_p

I think this changes the whole dynamic of the encounter. I would have run too.