Christopher

I have to say I broadly agree. That said, I have done business in France on a number of occasions, and although not a woman myself I have sometimes been travelling with one or more female colleagues and I have not seen them being kissed in greeting at a business meeting. (In one case, my female colleague was kissed on the cheek, but she and the kisser had known each other in business for many years, so that's a little different.)

Nevertheless, the woman's response described by the OP does seem an over-reaction. When travelling in foreign countries on business, all sorts of things happen, some of which can make one uncomfortable, but in general one just has to shoulder on.

There are lots of books on cross-cultural business and cross-cultural relations in general. They can be very useful, although one has to take some of what they say with a pinch of salt because they are, after all, perforce dealing with generalisations.

And that brings me to another point: it's sometimes hard to know to what extent a person's behaviour is primarily a product of his her culture and to what extent it is simply a personal characteristic. We might say, for example, that people from Country A are more outgoing than people from Country B. This may be true, but some people in Country A will be more outgoing than others, and similarly for Country B, and there might even be a point where an overlap occurs (so a shy person from Country A might be less outgoing than a gregarious person from Country B). Not everyone can be slotted into a neat category all the time.

Whenever we deal with people, whether from our own culture or another culture, we find that they differ. The same thing applies to companies. I think the OP's friend needs to accept this, do a little homework before her next overseas trip, and try to learn to take personal interactions in the spirit in which they are intended. (If you can do that, you can withstand a lot of cultural differences, and in general most people dealing with a potential business associate do not want to give offence, at least at the outset.)

exbayern

This thread, and your words, have been on my mind lately. I am glad that I managed to locate it and reread it. (The original post made me again laugh and shake my head at the same time)

Living in a kissing culture country, but coming from a country far more reserved, and having my personal life in yet another country even more kissable, I have changed quite a bit in how I approach these interactions in a business setting. What was once a cultural obligation, and perhaps sometimes uncomfortable, is now a very natural part of my work environment much of the time.

And it carries over to written communication when working in certain areas or communicating with people from certain countries. The emails and texts we exchange are very different in tone, and exchanging kisses in writing is not at all unusual. (And it is both men and women who send me virtual kisses)

I have adapted, and I find that I am really enjoying the change it has brought to how I interact.

relangford

Since this old post has been revived, I'll put my two cents in. I have worked around the world (including France) and feel that both parties were wrong. The man should not have kissed the woman upon meeting her (he needed to understand her culture), and she should not have freaked out (she needed to understand his culture). As an earlier poster said, part of the blame lies with her company for (1) sending someone not aware of reality and (2) not training her in cultural aspects before taking a business trip to a foreign country.

Good thing she didn't go to Russia. I was a little shocked when a man (I am also a man) kissed me on both cheeks at a business meeting, but I did not run out of the room in panic. I was there being paid to conduct business.

exbayern

I disagree. Chances are that they had communicated before meeting in person, and/or worked in an industry where kissing is more common. As mentioned upthread, I think that French kissing culture is pretty much known and to be expected. And it rarely involves actually touching the cheek on first meetings, much less exchanging spittle as someone stated earlier. It's usually an air kiss. I may be German, but if I were not offered a kiss in France or Spain or other kissing countries, I would tend to see it as a slight, as not kissing may be an indication of negative feelings towards someone.

I brought this thread back because I know someone somewhat similar to the woman in the OP, except that she loudly makes her feelings known on kissing, even when it is between two kissing-culture coworkers. She is generally seen to be a boorish, uncouth fool, and nobody attempts to kiss her anyways, as her body language as well as her verbal language makes it clear that she expects everyone to conform to her cultural norms, not hers, even though she is a guest in their country.

And thanks to this thread and lack of sleep, I made the error of offering goodbye kisses to a female colleague today, who comes from a non-kissing culture and has worked in Germany. I definitely caught her off guard.

I will also admit to missing my kisses on this trip, even though I receive several virtual ones via text and email throughout the day.

Paul56

Bad on the host for not reviewing what is acceptable in the culture of
the person visiting. Generally, in business in the States or Canada it is
not the normal to kiss a female visitor in business.

Bad on the visitor for not reviewing what is acceptable in the culture
she is visiting. She might have stayed at home had she learned kissing
is very common greeting in France... or perhaps been expecting it and
had a more muted reaction.

I have received visitors from France in the office here in North America
and the female was running around kissing everyone. None of the men
ran out of the office screaming... LOL.

darthbimmer

I agree, there's fault on both sides. The woman visiting a foreign country 1) could have read up on business culture norms in advance, 2) should have reacted less strongly to an unfamiliar norm, and 3) should have been able to mentally regroup herself much better than to let her work suffer for three days. As a veteran of many foreign business trips myself I know that even when I do #1 I will still be caught off guard by some things and absolutely must be ready with #2 and #3.

At the same time, I do not excuse a business person in their own country from ignoring the cultural norms of their guest. Consider a hypothetical situation where the shoe is on the other foot: A Japanese business person visits a company in the US. His (or her) counterpart, at their first meeting, strides forward boldly, grabs the Japanese person's hand with force, and pumps their arm vigorously, all while shouting an overly familiar greeting. If the American in this story were your coworker, what would you think? Nearly every well-educated American I have ever known would consider that person a clod.

jahason

The lady in OP's original posts did three things. Objected to the kiss, ran out of the room and did not perform at work adequately for three days.

Just dealing with the first two I think the blame lies more with the guy who tried to kiss her. I have been on assignment in France and know that kissing especially between those of opposite sex is only between business associates who know each other well.

Secondly in this age of globalisation he should have know of possible sensitivities.

My colleagues in UK know to first judge whether a lady (especially from overseas) wishes to shake hands. Even though shaking hands between men and women is normal here.

Same with alcohol. Many people worldwide are aware that Muslims and members of some Christian denominations will not drink alcohol and many others prefer not to in a business setting.

LaserSailor

The person in the company assigning people to international travel for business is responsible for arming them with what they need to be successful.

Account Exec..I need to go to Japan

Me..have you been there before?

Account exec...no

Me...let's figure out what you need to know.

No one is born with this diverse skill set.

I found myself writing on a business card in Japan last week......