cbn42

So here's the story: I have a female friend who just started traveling internationally for business. I wouldn't say she is particularly well-traveled, but she has been to UK, Japan, and a couple other countries. On this particular trip, she went to both France and Spain. In France, when she arrived at the client site, the male employee who was supposed to be showing her around shook her hand, and then leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. She freaked out and ran out of the room. One of the other ladies there intervened, apologized for the "misunderstanding" and convinced her to stay for the meeting. She stayed for the 3 days she was supposed to, but didn't get much work done.

When she told me this story, I was initially rather dismissive, basically telling her "in Rome, do as Romans do". However, I'm not sure if that is the best advice. I believe that you should try to adapt to the culture of wherever you are and keep an open mind, but what if it violates your comfort level to the point where you almost consider it harassment?

I would like to hear any thoughts or similar personal stories.

Silver Fox

My thoughts are she should stay at home. Unless it was her butt cheek that he kissed in which case I can understand it.

roadwarrior22

Deal with it. It is basic courtesy.

Wombelero

She freaked out and ran away because of a kiss on the cheek? Not even a french kiss? Hard to understand.
However, if this freaks you out never go near a male French (or Italian) as this is a common welcome and goodbye, in business and private relations.

If someone has such a problem adjusting to local culture better learn rapidly to adjust or stay at home.

By the way: I (male) made the experience that I actually offended french girls because I did *not* kiss them on the cheek as a welcome.
W

TA

Wow, someone that sheltered and uncomfortable with herself should probably not stray so far from home... I wouldn't even counsel the normal see-the-world-open-your-eyes advice here -- just give up at this point!

sparkchaser

I agree with all the replies so far.

chandi

Lucky she wasn't in Geneva. They do three kisses on the cheek (supposedly for the holy trinity).

Would she have been as offended if in India the person bowed with hand together rather than offering to shake hands?

nrr

In France, it seems shaking hands and "ritual" kissing is the norm--even between men.
In another post in this thread, Geneva (in the French area of Switz.), kissing is mentioned; in the German and Italian areas (of Switz.), I've rarely noticed lots of handshaking.]

Often1

1. This was a serious over-reaction under any circumstances, even in the USA where it would be odd. Grown woman running out of a room? Others may have apologized, but imagine what they think of her and said about her after she was gone. No business for her.

2. Traveling means learning local customer before hand. It's not just about whether the other guy kisses you, but how you hand over a business card, topics which are OK to discuss and not OK to discuss, who pays for dinner, whether a small gift is appropriate, and whether it's OK to say no to food & drink (some places that's an insult).

3. OP's friend needs to learn quickly or get a new job.

GUWonder

That is not the norm for my initial business meetings in France or Francophone parts of Switzerland.

The woman mentioned in the OP seems to have gone way overboard in the response either way.

9Benua

Well, I think both parties at fault for some degrees. As someone with asian background, I can see an asian woman freaking out with kiss on a cheek from a stranger and in business setting nonetheless. Being a male, I don't mind giving it out, but I'm sure I'll be slapped in the face if I try it back home or called to the HR office here

chandi

I think this depends on the industry. media/publishing often, fashion mandatory, transportation or IT almost never.

If you are working across multiple sectors and multiple clusters you better learn not just your trade but the cultural norms as well.

and I have done some clangers in my time..

jamm

it does indeed depends on the industry, in IT, finance and real estate business I never saw kisses between persons who have just introduced each other.
Of course if you know the other person it's quite normal to exchange kisses on the cheek, no matter how formal it's the meeting.

enda1

It is absolutely not normal for business contacts to great each other in this manner in France. Maybe if they were very good business friends, yes, but really this is odd.

Her overreaction however sounds ludicrous. I'd say it would have been hilarious to witness!

M60_to_LGA

This is absolutely hilarious. I'm laughing to myself imagining this scene.

Out of curiosity, how old is this woman, and where does she come from? I'm asking because in my experience anyone with the slightest bit of knowledge about the outside world - be it from watching movies or whatever - would almost certainly know that the French do social cheek-kissing.

Your friend sounds like she's either very young or had a completely sheltered upbringing somewhere deep in Middle America.