This is absolutely hilarious. I'm laughing to myself imagining this scene.

Out of curiosity, how old is this woman, and where does she come from? I'm asking because in my experience anyone with the slightest bit of knowledge about the outside world - be it from watching movies or whatever - would almost certainly know that the French do social cheek-kissing.

Your friend sounds like she's either very young or had a completely sheltered upbringing somewhere deep in Middle America.