stut

Ah, you need to treat these things as a learning experience. I can think of plenty circumstances in the past where I've overreacted unnecessarily - there's just no telling what would make someone react in this way.

And there's always some aspects of cultural differences that people find difficult to cope with. I can think of a couple dozen examples where I'm never entirely comfortable. Do I cope with it? Yes, it's fine, I remind myself what it is and make myself get over it. Would I find it so easy if I hadn't been used to doing so for a long time? I doubt it.

The key thing is attitude. An open mind is broadened by travel; a closed mind narrowed.

Linda VH

Ran out of the room? Serious overreaction and I wouldn't let her go on a business trip again if I was her boss. I don't care if kissing is the norm or not!

ysolde

This is where I'm at. Her level of immaturity and lack of cultural sensitivity and awareness does not bode well for her. I would not want her on my team.

schwarm

I disagree with most of the responses in regards to cause but essentially reach the same conclusion.

The running out of the room is not the main problem. The main problem is that it seems to have ruined productivity for an entire 3-day trip.

If she had calmed down, recovered, realized she had a learning experience, made amends, and then been able to make the rest of the 3-day trip productive, then she might be very valuable indeed.

I suppose there is still hope, depending upon specifics.

tfar

My thoughts exactly. How backwards can one be? Is she a virgin or a 90 year old Dame?

I think the most basic mistake she made is not to have done her homework!

When you go to another country for business it is almost mandatory to look at these small cultural tokens and to be prepared.

The man who gave her la bise (mostly lips won't touch your cheek unless you are really familiar with the other person, so it's just a cheek to cheek contact) might have been very young. In a formal setting and with seasoned people I don't think one would see a bise on the very first introduction. Perhaps after a day of working together and dining together to say good-bye but not as a first contact.

In any case, running out of the room and needing persuasion by a female to come back in is such a ginormous overreaction, I'd question if she has other problems in that regard. IMHO, a normally adjusted adult with at least a half-way comfortable view of sexuality is not going to run away for a little pecker on the cheek.

Now as to cultural differences and when you could protest, I think there might be some things one could politely refuse or protest but I cannot think of an example. Perhaps some of the more experienced people here can come up with something.

I mean if one culture had a greeting of a strong punch in the face on first business contact, I'd be rather surprised, too. Then I'd return the greeting in kind to be well remembered.

OK, I can think of something. A full brotherly kiss on the lips as seen between male Soviet politicians, I'd find that difficult, very difficult. But I would probably not run out of the room.

Till

SanDiego1K

I began international business travel early in my career to a wide range of countries. I bought a lot of books about international business customs. I diligently read about each country before I traveled there. You might refer her to this website:

http://nicholasbrealey.com/boston/su...uralpress.html

I remember two instances where I did well and where I didn't do well.

Belgium - spent morning working with customer; was asked if I wanted to use toilet before lunch. Was taken to door that was unisex. Froze, because I had visions of having to walk by the men's urinals in order to get to the stalls. (I am a woman.) Customer figured out what was going on and took me to a different toilet that was specifically for women.

India: had a warm relationship with a customer who had me come to his home in Mumbai. I was taken to the master bedroom. Yes! There was a seating area, his wife joined us and the staff served us snacks. I was subsequently told this was a high honor to be taken to the family area.

And one where the customer was mortified and I wasn't:

Japan: We went to eat and I needed to use the toilet. It was a squatty potty. I used it, washed my hands, and came to lunch. The host then used it and was moritifed he had chosen a place that only had the squat toilets. He apologized over and again. I was fine.

Re your friend's issue, I've done lots of business in France/Switzerland/Italy. I have never been kissed the first time I've met someone for business. And I'm sure that the poor person who did so never did so again! But it's a shame that she couldn't recover. Hopefully this is only a small bump and a great learning experience.

Jenbel

I think - and I say this as a woman who has worked in some very male dominated industries and countries - that if you decide that a particular cultural more is being considered by you as harassment, then the problem lies with you. You have to accept different cultures on their own terms to be able to work within them - you cannot change them, and it will seem arrogant if you set yourself on a pedestal.

It is interesting that your colleague survived Japan successfully - a country I found much more difficult to work in as a woman - but freaked out in France. She needs to learn to accept the gallantry with a shrug and a smile. But at the end of the day, you can't act like that on a client's site, in a foreign country. It's simply not professional.

I think the only thing I've been able to refuse was the drinking thing in Korea (whereby massive quantities of alcohol can be consumed), and I could do that because I was a woman. but if you are refusing, you have to be sure you won't be giving offence, and also to do so within the terms of the culture (in Korea, it's normal for women not to get involved in massive drinking competitions, so my refusal wouldn't have batted an eyelid. In China, I don't refuse. In Japan, I would never be asked!).

enviroian

Sorry OP but your friend is an idiot.

No wonder the rest of the world thinks the way they do about the US. How embarassing.

Wombelero

Agree with the Korean drinking thing. I wish I knew a way out of that without loosing trust from customer. I know how to survive those (had to find some tricks), but I would prefer a nice dinner with a good wine instead of Sujo.
W

Wombelero

Sounds a bit harsh to me. We don't know her background, maybe she had some very bad experience in the past / bad things done to her and was too surprised to react appropriatly!

Normally US folks are quite open and friendly when traveling abroad. So I find your statement rude and unnecessary .
W

enviroian

Seriously? I a grown woman running out like a child of a room after being kissed on the cheek? Sorry, common sense needs to prevail sometimes. Just saying....

mrhills0146

I would find the kiss odd, and certainly not the norm in France for a first business introduction.

That said, she "freaked out and ran out of the room?" Is this embellished at all? It's okay if it is -- I've often heard that a story is not worth telling unless it's embellished. :-)

Let's assume that it is not. I would be deeply embarrassed if a colleague of mine reacted that way. I am certain that the Frenchman who offered the cheek kiss was humiliated if not offended. What an utterly absurd over-reaction!

I'm curious about the lost three days of productivity as well. It sounds as if she ought to think about a different line of work if something this minor caused her to lose her cool and focus for three whole days.

vmsea

OP, was this female friend an 9 +?
that could be a factor too.

GUWonder

Trade norms fit within cultural norms, and cultural norms are wide enough to fit that.

In most major industries in the relevant country (and the neighboring country), it is not the norm -- trade and/or cultural -- for initial acquaintance.

GUWonder

The lack of cultural sensitivity in dealing with international contacts is at least as much the issue of the (hosting) kiss-giver as of the (visiting) kiss-recipient.

.... and by the way, it's not unheard of for this kind of approach being used to try to pick up a foreign business contacts and doing this kind of thing to gauge how "willing" the person may be for more intimate relations.