SirJman

After returning from Taipei, the Canadian customs officer pulled me in for secondary (including a search of all the images on my computer) because I was a young, single, male, and flying in from a "child pornography hotspot"

SomeoneWhoDoesTravelSomeTimes

I think the only question I ever had when reentering Schengen was "Did you have a nice trip?".

However once when crossing the German - Danish border by car, the Danish had all kinds of questions to ask. They weren't really interested in the answers however, and actually seemed embarrassed about having to ask. This was when the Danish decided to reinstate checks at the border after the Italians allowed a lot of Tunisian refugees in. All the cameras and media attention didn't help probably.

BadgerBoi

I'm sure he'd never heard that one before... (and he had the wit to string you along with the fake blank stare)

worldiswide

Another no words. I returned from a trip to the Middle East. I was using the customs form as a bookmark for my reading material, a biography of Yasir Arafat. The cover was a full page photo I put the book on the ledge to take out the form and he stared at the book and me and back again at the book and did not say anything. The right thing to do but you never know.

Forrest Bump

The alternative was to let them drown in the stormy sea, mate.
Hundreds of them.

Sorry for OT

Gamecock

At ORD:

Him: It says here you were in Swaziland.
Me: Yes
Him:For how long?
Me: One month.
Him: And you were on a farm? What were you doing?
Me: Spraying tick/flea meds on cattle. Herding sheep so we could do the same to them.
Him: Really?
Me: Yes.
Him: Where are the shoes you wore while doing this?
Me: In my suitcase in my house in Germany.
Him: Welcome home Sir.
_______________________________________

At LHR

Him: Don't lean on the counter.
Me: Sorry
Him: What is the purpose of your visit?
Me: Vacation
Him: What are your plans?
Me: Play some golf.
Him: Where?
Me: St Andrews.
Him: How do you plan on getting to St Andrews?
Me: Riding with a friend.
Him: What is his name?
Me: (redacted)
Him: Where is this friend?
Me: See that door over there? He's on the other side waiting for me. He works for The Home Office. Would you like to meet him?
Him: Welcome to England.

lovely15

San Ysidro on foot, returning from a day trip to Tijuana, I hand my (US) passport over:
CBP: So, what brings you to San Diego?
Me: Uhh......just coming back, I guess?
CBP: You guess? You aren't sure?
Me: Ummm....my return plane ticket, then?
CBP (looks at passport): Oh. I guess you are supposed to be here, huh?


More recently, DFW, returning from BKK, in the pre-GE days:
CBP: So, Bangkok for business, huh?
Me: Yes.
CBP: What kind?
Me: <redacted>
CBP: They let you go there alone?



I must run into the clueless ones or something.

Exterous

While we had traveled internationally individually before for our first trip as a married couple we didn't know that we were supposed to go through customs together. Well, my agent was a bored fellow who asked never said hello and asked just two questions. I was done in about 15 seconds. My wife got the third degree form her agent including all sorts of questions about why I was going through separately which got interesting:

Her CBP: "Mr. Exterous! Can you come back here please?"
*I start walking*
Random Female Agent: "Sir! You cannot come back into this area!"
Me: "But that agent asked me to."
RFA: "Sir, you are not allowed back in this area. If you are waiting for someone you must do so beyond checkpoint."

At this point the RFA and my wife's CBP got in a brief argument about whether I was allowed back in the area and why he had even asked me to go over there.

Eventually the CBP let my wife though without speaking to me. Very weird.

Renaldo

When entering the US from Canada -we were visiting family for a religious ceremony (non Christian) and the immigration guy started telling my wife how Jesus and Christianity is the way to go etc!! We smiled, nodded and went our way....Didn't want to be red flagged for religious misbehavior : )

Jamarynn1

Wasn't an airport, but my favorite happened last year while coming back into Niagara Falls, New York after a day spent in Niagara Falls, Ontario.

Agent: "Where are you coming from?"
Not being sure what he was asking, the BF answered "Florida".
Agent: "NO SIR! I WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU HAVE JUST COME FROM!"
BF: "Uh...Canada?"
Agent: "OK, that's what I wanted to hear."

OK....biting tongue and reminding myself not to get snarky with border agent...where the hell did he think we were coming from? It's a bridge for heaven's sake. One end is in Canada, the other end is in the US. To the best of my knowledge there is no side-trip to Mexico in the middle and you sure couldn't make a U-turn half-way across.

Fast forward a month. We've crossed over from Maine to Canada and are returning to Maine.
Agent: "Where have you come from?"
BF: "Canada"
Agent: "I know you've come from Canada.....where do you live?"

OK, wrong answer again.

Two weeks later, we go over to Campobello Island, which is Canadian. Coming back, we volunteer that we're from Florida and have been to Canada. Agent: "Sir, it's an island, we know where you've been."

Can't win.....

mandolino

I've never heard of Australian Immigration actually asking this question (which is well covered in visa applications etc) at the point of entry, except when it's necessary for someone's story to have a straight man for their "hilarious" punchline which is inevitably met with a stony face (in their telling of it).

I did get a strange comment from an Australian Immigration officer in Perth once:
She looked at the birthplace listed in my passport and said (in a Lancastrian accent, but that's Australian Immigration for you, can't say they don't practise what they preach) "That doesn't sound very Australian"
I said "It's derived from the **** people who lived there since time immemorial and it's a damn sight more Australian than Perrrrth" (giving it my best mock-Scottish accent)

It was in the immediate post 9-11 era and I think the "front line security" aspect had gone to their heads a bit.

BadgerBoi

(sigh) and people complain that a certain other non-Christian religion wants to take over the world. That immigration guy shouldn't be allowed to have contact with the public if he's going to behave like that.

DesertNomad

Arriving in JFK last month, the form asks for the countries visited on this trip. Since I live overseas I usually put "none" since my trip just started and I have flown directly to the US. I was told they want to know the countries visited since last in the US so I listed (truthfully):

France, Switzerland, Austria, Czech Republic, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Turkey, Moldova, Transnistria.

The officer read them out-loud slowly and when he got to the last one he said "Trans... Trans... Trans... Transylvania".

I said I was in Transylvania too, but it's not a country. "Uhhh... ok" and he stamped me back in.

Finkface

I consider myself intelligent, well educated and very well travelled but I will be honest, I had to google Transnistria. You really do learn something new every day.

Gamecock

I am currently assigned to a large military training post. Every once in a while I pull somesthing like that on a couple of young Soldiers.

Me: Where are you from?
1. Florida Sir.
Me: No. What unit!
1. Bravo Company Sir!
I look at the other one.
Me: What about you?
2. Bravo Company Sir!
Me: Noooo. Where in the world?
2. Ummmm. California Sir?
Me: Look guys, in case you haven't figured this place out, no matter what you say or do, you are wrong. Don't let it get to you and you'll do just fine here.