roberino

I used a photo of me taken by a pro photographer friend of mine in my passport. BIG mistake. I landed at MAN from a totally sleepless journey back from Perth having not shaved, needing a haircut and suffering from the self-medicated gin I had used in an attempt to correct the aforementioned insomnia. The passport agent refused to believe that I was the person in the picture and took me into a side room for further checks. It ended up with him telling me "You look like s**t, man. Don't drive."

pmaclell

That is exactly correct -- thanks for helping me make the point. As if anyone really understood or cared about the difference between USA Immigration outbound of Halifax and Immigration preclearance to USA!!!

lighthand

Flew from Singapore to Helsinki a few years ago.

Custom: Purpose of visit?
Me: Business
Custom: Yes I understand... You SIN (Singapore), and must report to HEL(L) (Helsinki)..

elusive1

Traveling with 84 year old blind aunt in wheelchair no less. Immigration officer at JFK asks "Purpose of your trip to Costa Rica", my aunt answers " None of your F*%c*%@g business. He stamps her passport without comment.

Likely one of the few demographics that can get away with that comment.

relangford

Well before 9-11, we, a group of soldiers from Fort Huachuca, decided to go to Mexico for dinner. As we were getting ready to drive back across the border, one remembered he had fogotten his ID card. Of course, he was the one Hispanic - and looked it. We weren't sure what to do, so put him in the back seat and hoped the agent won't look too carefully after the rest of us had shown our IDs. We were wrong, he was asked, "Are you a U.S. citizen?" He replied, "I'm a Captain in the U.S. Army." When we all said we would vouch for him, the agent said, "If he is a Captain, wouldn't you all lie since he is superior?" I replied, "Doesn't than mean he is who he says he is?" He let us pass.

Ocn Vw 1K

The topic is: funniest things you ever heard from customs officers on re-entry to your home country. A number of recent posts which are off-topic or/and unduly personalized attacks on other members have been deleted as not allowed by FlyerTalk rules. Let's stay on topic please, and avoid discussing other members. Thanks, Ocn Vw 1K

hvprasad

I was with a group and travelling Canada to US by road and the customs was at Buffalo. The CBP officer chose me for extra questioning and the Obama election was in the anvil. The customs officer got chatty and started to chat about Indians' outlook of US Presidential elections. When I said - "Joe the plumber is quite popular in India:, he let out a hearty laugh and said welcome to the US and let me through

pjbillez

CBSA officer in YVR upon seeing my Italian passport starts asking me endless questions in proper but accented Italian, after a while I tell him in English: look, I am staying at Hotel XYZ, if you need to know more, give me a call. He let me through.

With my 8 year old son in MIA:

CBP officer asks my son: who is this guy?
Son: my dad
CBP officer: what does he do?
Son: I don't know
Waved through.

hvprasad

A chilling customs story from the past. It was early 80s and I was flew Amsterdam - New Delhi. Bringing gold to India was banned in those days. Indian ladies who wear much jewelry had to make customs declaration before leaving India and upon return show the declaration and most of the times had to remove the jewelry to be weighed by the customs. Those were draconian laws in India then. On that day, an elderly couple stood in front of me in the customs queue. Looking at the elderly lady wearing kilos of gold, I could see the Indian customs officer salivate. When their turn came, the customs officer asked them to produce the declaration they had made before leaving India. Unfortunately they had not done. His immediate response was to ask her to remove all her jewelry and place it on the table. Looking at the nice little pile of gold jewelry on his table, the officer declared "I am confiscating the entire jewelry on behalf of Government of India". The lady started to sob and got hysterical. The husband looked at the officer for a compassionate resolution of their problem. To my horror, the officer opened his drawer and put about half of the jewelry in to it and closed it and pushed the other towards the lady. The elderly man started to protest. The customs officer's reply was "If you protest, the whole pile will be confiscated. Be happy you have half". Muttering, the man took what was left on the table and dragged his crying wife along. When I moved and stood in front of the officer, he behaved as if nothing had happened and it was all in a day's work. Horrible experience.

sethb

There was also no entry stamp from a foreign country, as might have been expected.

Thunderroad

My wonderful but at that time travel-inexperienced wife and I were returning to the US from abroad when the customs agent casually asked us whether whether we had any foreign food stuffs with us (or something to that effect). Out of inexperience and a desire for complete disclosure, she launched into a long story about how we did have some at one point, but then realized perhaps we shouldn't, so she thought to get ride of it, etc., etc. etc. After a couple of minutes of this, he just waived us through to get us out of the way.

jahason

My Zimbabwean (white) colleague from UK was entering US and asked by the US immigration officer "Why are you travelling on a Zimbabwean passport". He replied "Because I am Zimbabwean". He was let through.

joshwex90

Arrival in LHR
Agent: What's the purpose of your trip to the UK?
Me: Just transiting
Agent: So why you leaving the airport?
Me: I have a 24 hour layover
Agent: Why do Americans like turkey?
Me: The food or the country?
Agent: The food! Well, Happy Thanksgiving!
Me: Thanks?

It was April

Crossing by the Rainbow Bridge into NY
Agent: Why were you in Canada?
Me: Honeymoon at Niagara Falls with my wife
Agent: You're aware there's a Niagara Falls in the US as well?
Me: Yes, but Canada was cheaper and had a better view
Agent: I guess...
Agent: What do you do?
Me: Wife is a pre-school teacher and I'm in high-tech marketing/PR
Agent: You do high-tech? Can you help me with my new phone?!

And then I helped him figure out his Android!

Eastbay1K

YYZ Pre-clearance - Where do you live?
Richmond, California (where I lived at the time)

(Response) "I didn't know any white people lived there."

Ok, not funny, but rather shocking, 2500 miles or so from home. I just smiled and appeared to be amused (because he was the one in control, deciding to admit me to the USA).

greycap7

Had just come to Charlotte after having been to BRU, LHR, DXB, AUH, LHE, KHI, PEW for almost two months. Me being a newly minted college student and because I was South Asian got the full monty interrogation. But having known from experience that the CBP really likes the whole, "Yes sir" and "No sir." After the agent realized that I was no threat, we talked about College Football, Ohio State, and the Cleveland Cavs for about 20 minutes.

But what was even better was that I got full protocol throughout my transit at the airport and got a behind the scenes tour after he found out that my dad had been his mom's doctor back home in Ohio.