bocastephen

The issue is not as much preferences (which we are ALL entitled to), but how those preferences are communicated and the underlying hostility exhibited by a number of gay men towards their fellow gay men based on ethnicity or physical appearance.

It's one thing to have a preference and tell someone "well I'm sure you're a nice guy and I really appreciate your interest, but to be honest I don't think we match" vs "are you serious?? do you honestly think you should be talking to me? Get off your lazy a** and go to the gym, you disgust me!"

Or why guys find it so easy to write "no Asians or Blacks" in their personal ad as easily and candidly as they might say "I like a sunny day".

So, there are deep rooted issues within individuals that encompass the community, and community while screaming for equality within the straight world is not doing anything to promote equality and tolerance within.

When was the last time one of these 'equality movements' sent out a message reminding us to be tolerant and accepting of each other? To my recollection, never.

DallasEsq

I know those things are hurtful. I'd say usually it is from younger gays though, because as we get older and interact with more people we become more open to exploring things that are different than we are used to. Really how young gays act isn't much different from how young pretty girls act. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but I think it's more a reflection of being young and naive more than anything else.

bocastephen

I'd agree with you, but this behavior is prevalent among older/middle age guys as well. Sure it's almost a given with the tweeny-twenty set, but when you get it from guys in their 30s and 40s, it's pretty sad.

Adam1222

Actually you miss my point in it's entirety. People are coming on here, being judgmental and labeling entire cities as shallow based on their own isolated experiences, while complaining that they are the victims of judgment.

My point isn't "I got over it, so should you." It's, "if people are treating you poorly, maybe it's because you're a tool projecting your self image problems on others, not because youre fat." I'm not suggesting that there is a problem we should deny. I disagree with you on the definition of the problem. It gets better if you're fat.... and not a pompous wind bag.

DallasEsq

Yeah, but it reflects poorly on that person so it's nothing to get bent out of shape about IMO.

bocastephen

Exactly - I just assume they are dragging along a big shoulder chip from some earlier time in their life. They don't pay me to be their psychologist, so I just shake my head and move on.

carlosdca

So if I am at a bar and BigJoe walks by and the group of twinks next to me say to each other "EWWWWW" and start gossiping about BigJoe.

Then BigJoe, unaware of their talk, cheerfully approaches one of the twinks to talk (for whatever reason, not necessarily hitting on anyone) and the twink gives him big attitude, ignores him, or whatever.

(I've seen it)

How is that BigJoe's fault? How is he projecting anything? He was just treated rudely.

Of course, how BigJoe felt after the incident is his entire responsibility (he may just smile and move on or he may feel bad about it). But that does not take away that someone was rude to him.

This thought that "if I project the right attitude, I will not be treated rudely" just does not work as easy as it is said.

Adam1222

If BigJoe comes on to a message board and starts saying things like , "All men in fort Lauderdale judge you on appearances first. I, Big Joe, am far more sophisticated and judge more based on culture and maturity, than all gay men in those cities. " then that's where the problem is, and thats where the attitude is.
Or "All men in their 20s and 30s are rude."
There isnt some epidemic of twinks harassing fat men at bars unprompted. (A fifty year old lech hitting on a 22 year old who has shown no interest, and has selected the twink based on his looks has no basis to claim moral superiority if he is rejected based on his looks.) There is an epidemic of judgmental men who suggest there is something wrong with anyone who isn't interested in them. Those guys come in all shapes and sizes. I've seen it. In person and in this thread. Just look at all the sweeping generalizations and accusations being made about younger gays, gays in different cities, etc. It takes a special kind of person to complain about how unfair it is that they are being judged based on one characteristic (weight), and in the same breath judge everyone else based on one characteristic they have (city of residence, age, etc).
Yes, some fat people get treated poorly by illmannered rude people. But from the way some of you are talking, I would have no interest in you no matter what you look like given your holier than thou self-righteous judgmental attitude.

WanderingGent

This. Well put.

This too. I still fail to understand why in their online profiles many gay men, when presented with an opportunity to put their best face (/torso/appendage) forward and essentially pitch themselves to potential mates/lovers/hookups etc, squander that opportunity by presenting a laundry list of No's.

FlightNurse

When was the last time you were in PSP, FLL ? two cities in which appearance means everything and if you don't fit the bill, you are an outcast. I do enough traveling around the US for work to see the attitude of people. I'm not skinny and I'm not too over weight (I carry my weight very well) but I observe how people are treated.

FlightNurse

Look at the online site, like "silverdaddies" the guys (I'm not talking about the younger ones, but the older ones) are wonderful for lying about almost everything..... I'm not too sure why someone who is really 66 has to lie about their age on a web site for older men.. The attitude of some of these men are horrible and down right mean. Rudeness knows no age limit, and it's sad to think that we treat each other with such disrespect but we DEMAND it from the straight world....

Adam1222

I was in FLL this past weekend actually. Saw lots of middle-aged fatties who seemed to be doing just fine. Average age at the bars there seems to be about 50.
But maybe I'm just not as well-traveled as you to make sweeping stereotypes and judge people as much.

bocastephen

Seriously....

bocastephen

Well one of the reasons I ignore the nastiness from most of the buff set is due to the fact I have enough buff cuties chasing me that I don't need to sweat over the ones who are not - however, your point above is sad, but true. Many of the buff cuties I am close with complain to me that they can never find a bear or daddy type, and that they get ridiculed and insulted by bears they like, often in a very mean, nasty way.

So, while I am unsure if this is some kind of 'payback' from the bear community to the buff cutie community, or just the normal, now expected ugly side of the gay community as a whole just popping up in another group - which gives even more weight to my theory and position that the nasty infighting, racism and insults need to stop before this community as a whole can claim any right to equality.

DallasEsq

No, we do have a right to equality regardless of how some treat each other within the community. Women can be horrible to each other but they get their equal rights.