bocastephen

I don't disagree - but my points about obvious racism still stand. People write in ads, or even practice to someone's face, actions or statements which are outright racist, especially to those who are Asian, and often from Black men towards non-Black men. How does this reflect on a community which is claiming a right to equality?

As for physical compatibility, the level of nastiness in this area is pretty bad. Sure, lots of people are ok to say "thank you, but I don't think we're a match", but plenty still toss out the "you don't look as good as me, so what makes you think you're allowed to speak to me?" line - is that really necessary in a community claiming a right to equality?

Although I haven't seen them post in a couple years, there was a member here from SC who used to claim that only fit or built men were worthy or attractive, and although their comments were somewhat tempered for FT consumption, when I stumbled on their bodyspace forum discussion (same online handle), the judgmental nastiness that not only came from them, but everyone else in their forum was actually shocking.

So, between what I was witnessing being thrown at my non-White friends, and the attitude from built guys to non built, I've come to the conclusion that the gay community is throwing stones in a glass house when it calls for equality...and I don't think it's being hypersensitive to react to racist comments or being verbally abused or insulted.

DallasEsq

We all come across that at one point or another. It's almost universally insecure people who treat others the worst. If gays are bad to one another it's only because they aren't comfortable in their own skin and feel like they have to bully others to make themselves feel better. From my perspective, if someone is going to hit on guys only based on physical traits, they need to be ready to be judged for the same shallow reasons.

bocastephen

I agree - when I encounter such a person, I just assume they were the ugly duckling or flamboyant guy in high school that was bullied or picked on, and now they are returning the favor to anyone who dares remind them of their earlier self...but I no longer have sympathy for them. Earlier trauma is not justification for being a jerk present day.

Adam1222

If this is your attitude towards people, maybe this is why people reject you - not because youre fat.


(Pretty sure this was all discussed six months ago when people made offensive statements and judgments about others because they don't get asked on dates by good-looking people)

DallasEsq

No, but it is very easy to avoid all that by associating with people with whom you have common interests, rather than trying to seek others solely on the basis of looks.

bocastephen

There is nothing for me to avoid...I am seeking no one, and when I do seek someone, it is based on common interests and personality compatibility first - however in many pockets of the country, and with many men, it's the reverse.

FlightNurse

Umm FLL, PSP, DFW are three places that come to mind...

Adam1222

Yes all gay men in those "pockets of the country" are vain. Especially the ones who dont like self-righteous fat guys.

Adam1222

and to be clear, I am not thin. but I got over this chip on my shoulder that led me to think that all gay men were uninterested in me because of my weight. once my attitude changed, the dates rolled in

camsean

I don' understand why you continue to torture yourself by taking part in this thread Adam1222.

Close your eyes and pretend it doesn't exist.

Adam1222

I continue to hope the arrogant gay fatties of the world will learn.

Bear4Asian

This thread is oddly inspiring. It shows how gay people are equal to other minorities and to straight people in our diverse craziness.

We can be just as open minded, close minded, crazy, judgemental, self centered, all inclusive, paranoid, giving, stubborn, generous, stupid, self loathing and self loving as the rest of this crazy world.

carlosdca

That you apparently feel good about yourself and have high self-esteem has nothing to do with the discussion of whether there is discrimination within our own gay community or not.

The fact is that there is.

It'd be wrong to generalize about the intention of the posters here or elsewhere about this issue. Some may have low self-esteem and blame their unhappiness on the community. Others may just simply point out that it exists and that it is kind of sad and hope that there could be something done to change discriminatory attitudes.

Your stance seems to be that you deal with it, nothing can be done, just get over it. That's fine. Not everybody is like that.

The first step for improvement to admit and recognize that something needs to be done. Denial leads nowhere.

ironmanjt

Hahhahah! Truth!

DallasEsq

The difficulty is that people are drawn to others for various reasons, and often those reasons have to do with physical attributes. Even the person who complains that "no cute guy asks me out" is really saying "only ugly/unworthy guys ask me out," which is the same discriminatory behavior that he dislikes. What do you think needs to be done?