My favorite was on a Delta flight where the flight attendant announced the movie. The movie was "Blow Dry" but that is not what was announced.

I've heard more jokes on Southwest during safety briefing:

"in event of sudden cabin depressurization...if you are seated next to a small child or someone acting like a small child, put your mask on first..."

These serve a positive purpose because you listen when you are expecting jokes instead of tuning out.

I sort of wonder how many people look at the safety card. Usually I don't, but I'll do it under two different circumstances:

1. If I'm on a plane I don't fly frequently, to refamiliarize myself with the layout.
2. If I'm sitting in an exit row. I always make good and sure I know how to open the door. See, I'm looking out for you guys!

I also count rows to the nearest exit, and have a backup in the other direction in mind.

A bit off-topic, but I'm reminded of this professor I knew who was an elderly gentleman, a law professor at that.

When he flies, he never sits in the exit row. As he explained it to me...

"They always assume it's because I am unable to operate the exit door, but the fact is I'm just unwilling."

Ahh, the British sense of humour.

This reminds me of George Carlin's bit on airplanes and flying the airlines.....I loved it....

Get on the plane, get on the plane....I say f*** you....I'm getting IN THE PLANE!!!!.....there seems to be less wind in there!

Make sure you take all of your personal belongings with you.....well what other kind of belongings are there other than personal? Public belongings?.......that you might have brought on board.....well I might have brought my personal arrowhead collection.....but I didn't.....SO I'M NOT GONNA LOOK FOR IT!

The captain has illuminated the.......captain? Did I miss so armed forces swearing in ceremony? He's a f***ing pilot and should be happy with that......Tell the captain that Air Marshall Carlin says GO F*** YOURSELF!

The one that always gets me on board of DL is "check the security of your seat belt." Well.....even when it is unbuckled....it is farily secure.....not gonna come off to easily.

I wish DL would play that bit from Carlin on their flights. The whole plane would be ROTFL!

More George Carlin:

The safety lecture continues: "In the unlikely event..." This is a very suspect phrase, especially coming, as it does, from an industry that is willing to lie about arrival and departure times... "In the unlikely event of a change in cabin pressure..." ROOF FLIES OFF!! "... an oxygen mask will drop down in front of you. Place the mask over your face and breathe normally." Well, I have no problem with that -- I always breathe normally when I'm in a 600MPH uncontrolled vertical dive. I also S#!T normally! Right in my pants! They tell you to adjust your own mask before adjusting your kid's. I did not need to be told that. In fact, I'm probably going to be too busy screaming to help him at all. This will be a good time for him to learn self-reliance. If he can program his f***ing VCR, he can g*dd**n jolly well learn to adjust an oxygen mask. Fairly simple thing..... just a little rubber band in the back is all it is. Not nearly as complicated as, say, for instance, a seat belt.

The safety lecture continues: "In the unlikely event of a water landing..." Well, what exactly is a water landing? Am I mistaken, or does this sound somewhat similar to crashing into the ocean? "...your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device." Well, imagine that..... my seat cushion! Just what I need to float around the North Atlantic for several days..... clinging to a pillow full of beer farts!

Notice that they collect the "service items" instead of what we call it in my house which is "trash."

I've flown with you before.

After one peticularly hard landing on a Southwest flight, the FA said something to the effect, "remain seated while Capt. Kangaroo bouces us to the gate....take care inopening the overhead bins, 'cause items have definitely shifted."

Also overheard, "we will now be dimming the cabin lights to improve the looks of the cabin crew"

"In the event of a water landing, we're really really far off course."

"in the event of a loss of cabin pressure...if you are seated beside a small child secure your own mask then assist the child. if you are seated beside two small children, decide which one you love more."

This is hilarious. On a more serious note, how about the indiscriminate use of "momentarily"? As far as I know, "momentarily" means "for a moment", not "in a moment"!

Am I getting old and crotchety? I know language is a living changing thing, but is there a limit to the atrociousness?

Have you ever watched "Sports Night"? This was a GREAT TV show (regrettably canceled now) by Aaron Sorkin, the guy who created and writes "The West Wing".

Anyway, in one of the "Sports Night" episodes, a character goes through the entire show debating your exact point. She decides after multiple consultations that "momentarily" can mean 'in a moment' AS WELL AS 'for a moment'.

So to make a long story short (too late!), you're both right.


At this time, we will begin the ending of the post process. Please ensure that your keyboard is in the upright, locked, and off position.

- Sameer