More George Carlin:

The safety lecture continues: "In the unlikely event..." This is a very suspect phrase, especially coming, as it does, from an industry that is willing to lie about arrival and departure times... "In the unlikely event of a change in cabin pressure..." ROOF FLIES OFF!! "... an oxygen mask will drop down in front of you. Place the mask over your face and breathe normally." Well, I have no problem with that -- I always breathe normally when I'm in a 600MPH uncontrolled vertical dive. I also S#!T normally! Right in my pants! They tell you to adjust your own mask before adjusting your kid's. I did not need to be told that. In fact, I'm probably going to be too busy screaming to help him at all. This will be a good time for him to learn self-reliance. If he can program his f***ing VCR, he can g*dd**n jolly well learn to adjust an oxygen mask. Fairly simple thing..... just a little rubber band in the back is all it is. Not nearly as complicated as, say, for instance, a seat belt.

The safety lecture continues: "In the unlikely event of a water landing..." Well, what exactly is a water landing? Am I mistaken, or does this sound somewhat similar to crashing into the ocean? "...your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device." Well, imagine that..... my seat cushion! Just what I need to float around the North Atlantic for several days..... clinging to a pillow full of beer farts!