"At this time..." AAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!
Dec 12, 2001 | 12:34 am
#16
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<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">Originally posted by jtg_seattle:
One of my favorites I hear all the time, “On behalf of myself and [Airline X] I’d like to welcome you to [destination Y].” On behalf of myself?!?! Must be many schizophrenic flight attendants.</font>
One of my favorites I hear all the time, “On behalf of myself and [Airline X] I’d like to welcome you to [destination Y].” On behalf of myself?!?! Must be many schizophrenic flight attendants.</font>
) who close the broadcast in this way, "And now on behalf of Joe and Mary, I am Bill wishing you a pleasant good evening." Two questions: 1. Who were you before "now"? 2. What does it mean to be someone on someone else's behalf?
Dec 12, 2001 | 1:39 am
#17
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Emm, Turn off all computers and word processing equipment
Now, I've been in IT for some time now but the last time I saw a non-computer piece of Word Processing Equipment was a long time ago...
Now, I've been in IT for some time now but the last time I saw a non-computer piece of Word Processing Equipment was a long time ago...
Dec 12, 2001 | 2:13 am
#18
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Seattle, WA
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No offense intended but I wasn't aware that any of you people listened to those announcements anyway. I'll be standing up there doing the demo (showing you how to buckle your seat belt, etc...) and look out and see about 100 eyes reading, looking out the window, playing in their purse, doing ANYTHING BUT looking at the demo. And that being the case, I never, EVER suspected anyone was listening. -- It's fun sometimes to throw a curve ball in your announcements just to see if anyone is paying attention. For instance, I like to say "it is a federal crime to tamper with or disable the smoke detectors or two way mirrors in the lavatories." - A couple people will usually look up from their books - the rest go right on doing what they were doing. ---- I'll have to keep in mind that you people really are listening......
Dec 12, 2001 | 5:46 am
#19
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We are much more likely to listen -- maybe with just one ear -- to a real human than to those ghastly videos. I automatically tune those out, especially because I have them memorized. But real humans can be interesting, as AS Flyer just proved!
Bruce
Bruce
Dec 12, 2001 | 6:53 am
#20
Join Date: Aug 2001
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<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">Originally posted by AS Flyer:
No offense intended but I wasn't aware that any of you people listened to those announcements anyway.</font>
No offense intended but I wasn't aware that any of you people listened to those announcements anyway.</font>
Dec 12, 2001 | 6:56 am
#21
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Well, when you know the saftey briefing word by word I think it's OK not to listen. Whenever I am on an Airline I don't know or a new type of AC I listen carefully but let's not overestimate the impact of the briefing, the way people will react in a true emergency will probably not include any of the tips mentioned...
Dec 12, 2001 | 7:01 am
#22
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<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">Originally posted by bdschobel:
We are much more likely to listen -- maybe with just one ear -- to a real human than to those ghastly videos. I automatically tune those out, especially because I have them memorized. But real humans can be interesting, as AS Flyer just proved!
Bruce</font>
We are much more likely to listen -- maybe with just one ear -- to a real human than to those ghastly videos. I automatically tune those out, especially because I have them memorized. But real humans can be interesting, as AS Flyer just proved!
Bruce</font>
Dec 12, 2001 | 7:20 am
#23
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Yeah, you got me there! Supposedly she is a real flight attendant, not an actress. Obviously, Delta did not select her randomly to appear on camera.
Bruce
Bruce
Dec 12, 2001 | 9:09 am
#24
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And what is meant by "preboarding". How do you preboard an airline? You either board or you don't board. And what about the "boarding process"? George Carlin has an incredibly funny routine on this very subject.
It's also why the Southwest announcements are so appreciated.
It's also why the Southwest announcements are so appreciated.
Dec 12, 2001 | 10:00 am
#25
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 127
George Carlin has covered the FA announcements from start to end of the journey. Its very funny. I think the video was 'Jammin in NY'. The weirdest in my opionion is when you land in an airport FA 'welcomes' you to the airport. In Carlin's words, "who the f*** are you to welcome me to the city, we f***** came together in the same f****** aircraft!!"
Dec 12, 2001 | 10:29 am
#26
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Bethesda, MD USA
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<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">Originally posted by richard:
Speaking of which, don't you love the part where they say to "insert the metal fitting into the buckle?" Is there anyone on Planet Earth that doesn't know how to put on a seatbelt???</font>
Speaking of which, don't you love the part where they say to "insert the metal fitting into the buckle?" Is there anyone on Planet Earth that doesn't know how to put on a seatbelt???</font>
Someone needs to take the lawyer that filed that suit, and put him on a plane with lots of turbulence and no seat belts.
Dec 12, 2001 | 10:44 am
#27
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Lost in Translation
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To quote George Carlin:
[This message has been edited by elektrik (edited 12-12-2001).]
<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">
Listening to the airlines' annoucements, and trying to pretend to ourselves that the language they're using is really English. Doesn't seem like it to me. The whole thing begins when you get to the gate: "We'd like to begin the boarding process." The extra word, "process," not necessary. Boarding is enough. "We'd like to begin the boarding." Simple. Tells the story. People add extra words when they want things to sound more important than they really are. "Boarding process." Sounds important. It isn't. It's just a bunch of pepole getting on an airplane.
As part of this boarding process, they say "We would like to pre-board." What does it mean, to get on before you get on?
As part of this boarding, they say: "We would like to preboard those passengers travelling with small children." Well what about those passengers travelling with large children? Suppose you have a two-year old with a pituitary disorder. A 6-foot infant with an oversized head. The kind of kid you see on the National Enquirer all the time. Actually, with a kid like that, I think you're better off checking him right in with your luggage at the curb.
About this time, someone is telling you to get on the plane... I say f*&k you, I'm getting in the plane! Let Evil Kinevel get on the plane, I'll be in here with you folks in uniform. There seems to be less wind in here....
They might tell you you're on a nonstop flight. Well, I don't think I care for that. No, I insist that my flight stop. Preferably, at an airport. It's those sudden, unscheduled cornfield and housing development stops that seem to interrupt the flow of my day.
They might tell you your flight has been delayed because of a "change of equipment" -- a broken plane.
...telling me to put my seat back forward. Well I don't bend that way. If I could put my seat back forward, I'd be in porno movies.
...especially on the "Flight Deck". Which is the latest euphamism for Cockpit. Can't imagine why they wouldn't want to use a lovely word like "cockpit", can you? Especially with all those Stewardesses going in and out of it all the time...
There's a word that's changed over time. First it was "Hostess", then it was "Stewardess", now it's Flight Attendant". Know what I call 'em? "The lady on the plane." ...Sometimes they actually refer to these peole as "uniformed crew members." Uniformed. As opposed to that guy sitting next to you in the Grateful Dead t-shirt and the "F*&k You" hat.
As soon as they close the door to the aircraft, they begin the safety lecture. This is my favorite part of the airplane ride. I listen very carefully to the safety lecture, especially where they teach us how to use the seatbelt. Here we are, a plane full of grown human beings, many of us partially educated, and they're actually taking time out to describe the intricate workings of a belt buckle. "Place the small metal flap into the buckle." Well I ask for clarification at that point.... Seatbelt: hi-tech sh*&t.
The next thing they do is tell you to locate your nearest emergency exit. Well I do this immediately. I locate my nearest exit and I plan my route. It's not always a straight line, is it? Sometimes there's a really big, fat f*&k sitting right in front of you. Well you know you'll never get over him. I look around for women and children, midgets and dwarfs, cripples, war widows, paralyzed veterans, people with broken legs, anybody who looks like they can't move too well -- the emotionally disturbed come in very handy at a time like this. You might have to go out of your way to find these people, but you'll get out of the plane a lot godd*&ned quicker, believe me. I say "Let's see, I'll go around the fat f&*k, step on the widow's head, push those children out of the way, knock down the paralyzed midget, and get out of the plane where I can help others."
</font>
Listening to the airlines' annoucements, and trying to pretend to ourselves that the language they're using is really English. Doesn't seem like it to me. The whole thing begins when you get to the gate: "We'd like to begin the boarding process." The extra word, "process," not necessary. Boarding is enough. "We'd like to begin the boarding." Simple. Tells the story. People add extra words when they want things to sound more important than they really are. "Boarding process." Sounds important. It isn't. It's just a bunch of pepole getting on an airplane.
As part of this boarding process, they say "We would like to pre-board." What does it mean, to get on before you get on?
As part of this boarding, they say: "We would like to preboard those passengers travelling with small children." Well what about those passengers travelling with large children? Suppose you have a two-year old with a pituitary disorder. A 6-foot infant with an oversized head. The kind of kid you see on the National Enquirer all the time. Actually, with a kid like that, I think you're better off checking him right in with your luggage at the curb.
About this time, someone is telling you to get on the plane... I say f*&k you, I'm getting in the plane! Let Evil Kinevel get on the plane, I'll be in here with you folks in uniform. There seems to be less wind in here....
They might tell you you're on a nonstop flight. Well, I don't think I care for that. No, I insist that my flight stop. Preferably, at an airport. It's those sudden, unscheduled cornfield and housing development stops that seem to interrupt the flow of my day.
They might tell you your flight has been delayed because of a "change of equipment" -- a broken plane.
...telling me to put my seat back forward. Well I don't bend that way. If I could put my seat back forward, I'd be in porno movies.
...especially on the "Flight Deck". Which is the latest euphamism for Cockpit. Can't imagine why they wouldn't want to use a lovely word like "cockpit", can you? Especially with all those Stewardesses going in and out of it all the time...
There's a word that's changed over time. First it was "Hostess", then it was "Stewardess", now it's Flight Attendant". Know what I call 'em? "The lady on the plane." ...Sometimes they actually refer to these peole as "uniformed crew members." Uniformed. As opposed to that guy sitting next to you in the Grateful Dead t-shirt and the "F*&k You" hat.
As soon as they close the door to the aircraft, they begin the safety lecture. This is my favorite part of the airplane ride. I listen very carefully to the safety lecture, especially where they teach us how to use the seatbelt. Here we are, a plane full of grown human beings, many of us partially educated, and they're actually taking time out to describe the intricate workings of a belt buckle. "Place the small metal flap into the buckle." Well I ask for clarification at that point.... Seatbelt: hi-tech sh*&t.
The next thing they do is tell you to locate your nearest emergency exit. Well I do this immediately. I locate my nearest exit and I plan my route. It's not always a straight line, is it? Sometimes there's a really big, fat f*&k sitting right in front of you. Well you know you'll never get over him. I look around for women and children, midgets and dwarfs, cripples, war widows, paralyzed veterans, people with broken legs, anybody who looks like they can't move too well -- the emotionally disturbed come in very handy at a time like this. You might have to go out of your way to find these people, but you'll get out of the plane a lot godd*&ned quicker, believe me. I say "Let's see, I'll go around the fat f&*k, step on the widow's head, push those children out of the way, knock down the paralyzed midget, and get out of the plane where I can help others."
</font>
Dec 12, 2001 | 10:47 am
#28
Join Date: Aug 2000
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The announcement I will miss is on the TWA Express, the little puddle jumpers in the midwest.
When you land they have a tape recorded announcement of a jolly booming voice saying "Welcome to your destination." That's all it said, no keep seated until we park, etc.
I just love a personalized welcome to "my destination"
They didn't even bother to try to personalize it, or -gasp- have the FA (or pilot if the plane was really small) actually make the announcement.
My other favorite is when you are landing in one of those one or two gate airports is when the FA announces "We don't have any connecting gate information, please check the monitors inside the gate area for that information." Many of these municipal/regional airports don't have monitors, and the only connecting flight would be to get right back on the plane you exited and fly back to their hub.
Then last week on a packed American flight going to Palm Springs, the ground crew person gets on the PA and does his traditional pitch, but decides we are going to Palm Beach, correcting it to West Palm Beach, telling us that if our plans don't include W. Palm Beach to get off the plane. Now that announcement did get quite a bit of attention.
Remember, just because you know how to operate the microphone doesn't mean you know what you are talking about. This goes for some television news anchors, who don't know how to operate the microphone, but there are people on staff who do that sort of thing for them.
When you land they have a tape recorded announcement of a jolly booming voice saying "Welcome to your destination." That's all it said, no keep seated until we park, etc.
I just love a personalized welcome to "my destination"
They didn't even bother to try to personalize it, or -gasp- have the FA (or pilot if the plane was really small) actually make the announcement.
My other favorite is when you are landing in one of those one or two gate airports is when the FA announces "We don't have any connecting gate information, please check the monitors inside the gate area for that information." Many of these municipal/regional airports don't have monitors, and the only connecting flight would be to get right back on the plane you exited and fly back to their hub.
Then last week on a packed American flight going to Palm Springs, the ground crew person gets on the PA and does his traditional pitch, but decides we are going to Palm Beach, correcting it to West Palm Beach, telling us that if our plans don't include W. Palm Beach to get off the plane. Now that announcement did get quite a bit of attention.
Remember, just because you know how to operate the microphone doesn't mean you know what you are talking about. This goes for some television news anchors, who don't know how to operate the microphone, but there are people on staff who do that sort of thing for them.
Dec 12, 2001 | 11:14 am
#29
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And what about another "at this time":
"At this time, we will momentarily begin boarding...."
Note to the airlines: It's one or the other; either we're going to board momentarilly, or we're boarding now. Not both.
And while we're at it: How can you " observe the no-smoking sign until you are in the terminal." Quite a feat, that one.
[This message has been edited by cblaisd (edited 12-12-2001).]
"At this time, we will momentarily begin boarding...."
Note to the airlines: It's one or the other; either we're going to board momentarilly, or we're boarding now. Not both.
And while we're at it: How can you " observe the no-smoking sign until you are in the terminal." Quite a feat, that one.
[This message has been edited by cblaisd (edited 12-12-2001).]
Dec 12, 2001 | 11:23 am
#30
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<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">Originally posted by ManyMiles:
Actually, I have a little superstition about this. On every flight, I always read the entire safety card, note the nearest exit, and listen to the safety briefing. It's just a superstition, but it can't hurt. Doesn't matter how experienced a flyer you are -- hardly any of us have any experience with an emergency. Can't hurt to have things fresh in your mind.</font>
Actually, I have a little superstition about this. On every flight, I always read the entire safety card, note the nearest exit, and listen to the safety briefing. It's just a superstition, but it can't hurt. Doesn't matter how experienced a flyer you are -- hardly any of us have any experience with an emergency. Can't hurt to have things fresh in your mind.</font>
Hey, maybe some FA should get a pax to do the safety demo for the kick of it. Yeah, yeah, I know, it'll probably violate more FAA regs than we can count....but it was just a thought.
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