futureacnp

Very interesting thread! ^

I've been pondering about the same subject as the OP. In fact, I feel like I'm sort of in the same boat: 25, single, been independent for years, have a very stable job, and pursuing a professional degree at the same time. Dated somebody for 2+ years but didn't work out due to distance. And like the OP, I tend to avoid gay bars.

Unlike the OP though, I know exactly why I haven't met anyone. I juggle between working and going to grad school full-time. On the weekends, I do one thing that I absolutely love doing: traveling. I do mileage runs, mattress runs, quick coast-to-coast weekend getaways, etc.

That said, do I want to meet someone? I do. I just have to admit that I haven't put enough effort into it.

WIRunner

winner winner chicken dinner

gfunkdave

I didn't meet anyone until I stopped trying to Find True Love, relaxed, and just went out on dates and focused on having fun.

It's a numbers game. I probably went out with (coffee, drinks, dinner, one night stands, whatever) 300-400 guys before I met my partner. But I enjoyed the journey.

ebayj

You are so kind - thanks. I assure you the insights were gained through both the joyous and painful experiences of life as a gay man of my generation (I am 49).

Now, about your upgrade This won't do! Wheeeeee . . .

And I'll go to anything with itsaboutthejourney - including foamy things - he is one of my favorite FlyerTalkers. But he knows that.

HeathrowGuy

The best advice I can give -- develop a plan. Seriously. All too often, guys who can and do develop solid life plans for their career, their education, finances, fitness, etc. simply try to wing it when it comes to dating and relationships, not realizing that no empire -- and no major success in dating -- is the consequence of mere happenstance or is built in a day. Being successful in the dating marketplace (and yes, it's a marketplace) means:

1. Appreciating what you can bring to the table in a relationship;

2. Knowing what you need from the other guy in the relationship; and

3. Possessing the self-confidence to artfully express/convey/seek #1 and #2.

The advice to get out there and meet more guys is good, but it turns into a winning approach if you take the time to figure out what kinds of guys you're into, and spending more time in places where they are likely to be. Targeted approaches work best -- meeting 5 guys who you have something in common with at a group event works better than meeting 25 guys you'd rather forget the moment you step out the door of the club.

And the self-confidence thing is key, too. Real men like confidence and will attract towards you if you have it; by contrast, helplessly self-centered drama-queeny boys get intimidated by men with confidence and will either make their nature woefully apparent to you or else stay the .... out of your way, and that's what you want to have happen.

Finally, enjoy your 20s -- to a point. Granted, it seems you have been in a serious relationship before based on what you've posted, so I'll simply say be willing to have some casual fun, but don't foreclose having another relationship in the near future (even if not as serious as your former one). It's hard to understand now, but your worldview WILL change once you hit 25 or approach 30 - you'll start to give serious thought to being married, etc., and far too many men effectively render themselves unable to enter into a serious relationship because they haven't learned the ways and means of effective dating and don't know how to function in a co-dependent context. Remember, the trolls of a certain age in the club were often yesterday's 20-something party boys who made a thriving career out of meaningless hook-ups.

itsaboutthejourney

You're way too kind.

Buster CT1K

I'd say keep it simple. It will happen when you least expect it. In the meantime, do what do you like most: travel! There are plenty of men on this continent -- and other continents too -- who are right for you. Broaden your network and you will enjoy your travel and affiliative pursuits at the same time. I broke up with my bf last year and since then have had some of the most wonderful travel adventures.

HeathrowGuy

Travel is fun, and something to be done often, but let's be honest -- most good, serious relationships are rooted on the ground, not at flight level 350, and they don't come with elite cards or priority boarding. The advice for the OP to travel is not bad, but if he wants to entertain having serious relationships in the near term, he will need to travel less, not more.

For starters, most people tend to find partners who share geographic proximity - for many, long distance relationships are not feasible, much less desirable. To be brutally honest, the OP, who is fortunate to live in a relatively affluent city and country chock full of good-looking, well-mannered guys who hail from all over the world, should have little practical need to seek a serious relationship with a guy outside his geographic environs unless he really wants to go the long-distance relationship route. Second, most under-30s, including those in college, grad school, just getting started in careers, etc. are not in an economic position to travel all that much. And when they are traveling, they often don't have relationship formation on the mind. The OP is not likely to find his future husband in a Maple Leaf Lounge, especially if he's interested in meeting other under-30 guys. He's got to meet the guys he wants where they are, and they are involved in all sorts of group activities, social and professional events, found through plain ol' socializing, etc.

MiamiAirport Formerly NY George

Miss this post. To this poster, you look like someone that is really trying to develop and broaden your world. You are pursuing a Masters Degree while also attempting to see the world (well even if at times its from 35,000 feet). It sounds like you have a full plate.

For now, forget about the relationship. Finish grad school, the job market for 20 somethings is now beyond brutal. Continue to expand your horizons and interest. But remember most guys under 40 (and many under 60) aren't like you. Most work for the weekends and going out. Nothing wrong with that as along as some point one starts to expand their horizons beyond going to the bar/club de jour weekend and weekend out. Do you want end up like the 50 somethings I see at David Barton Gym that are still going to Splash/G/Club 57 weekend and weekend out, doing steriods, and desperately trying to be pretty party boys. Stick with your plan, it sounds like a good one.

Also, despite what is often said, you can be very happy as a single person. A lot depends upon your type of personality.

98103

...I'll echo the "don't worry too much about it." I've been out and on my own (single) for longer than you've been around.

If you focus too much energy on it, you're bound to burn yourself out and become jaded, though jade is a lovely shade of green.

http://ep.yimg.com/ca/I/yhst-5629950..._2114_52336550

all yukking aside, don't forget that a measure of a person isn't based on whether or not they're in a relationship. There are plenty of good people out there who are not, or have not been in a relationship, some by choice, some not.

Vuelos

More than a few freaks here

As for enjoying the 20's I can second that (as someone who is in their 20's and in a relationship that almost pre-dates my entry into my 20's). They come and go but find yourself first...

Every bit of this is true & great advice. I never expected to find my BF when I did... but it works for us (though some people might disagree...)

I'd say you normally could find them in CO lounges...

raistlin

This is the single best piece of advice I've ever read in a dating thread

DLNYC

I'm widely considered New York's premier go-to guy when it comes to dating advice

makfan

My partner and I love to travel, but we've hit a point where he isn't willing to commit to any travel for various reasons and I am racing to keep up the status so we can travel in style. The result is a lot of time apart, and it is pretty clear to me that this is not helping our relationship.

I don't mind being alone, but being alone so much while in a relationship is a strange place.

dollaroff

Yes, I can't wait.