Originally Posted by
Vecis
I felt really alone a few nights ago and decided I would try a gay bar or two to see what it was like. I have never in my life felt more like a "piece of meat" then that experience and I don't want to do it again.
Whats a boy to do in this situation? moving to say an area like San Francisco seems ridiculous just for dating prospects, plus I like it here in Calgary. Thanks in advance for the advice.
The best advice I can give -- develop a plan. Seriously. All too often, guys who can and do develop solid life plans for their career, their education, finances, fitness, etc. simply try to wing it when it comes to dating and relationships, not realizing that no empire -- and no major success in dating -- is the consequence of mere happenstance or is built in a day. Being successful in the dating marketplace (and yes, it's a marketplace) means:
1. Appreciating what you can bring to the table in a relationship;
2. Knowing what you need from the other guy in the relationship; and
3. Possessing the self-confidence to artfully express/convey/seek #1 and #2.
The advice to get out there and meet more guys is good, but it turns into a winning approach if you take the time to figure out what kinds of guys you're into, and spending more time in places where they are likely to be. Targeted approaches work best -- meeting 5 guys who you have something in common with at a group event works better than meeting 25 guys you'd rather forget the moment you step out the door of the club.
And the self-confidence thing is key, too. Real men like confidence and will attract towards you if you have it; by contrast, helplessly self-centered drama-queeny boys get intimidated by men with confidence and will either make their nature woefully apparent to you or else stay the .... out of your way, and that's what you want to have happen.
Finally, enjoy your 20s -- to a point. Granted, it seems you have been in a serious relationship before based on what you've posted, so I'll simply say be willing to have some casual fun, but don't foreclose having another relationship in the near future (even if not as serious as your former one). It's hard to understand now, but your worldview WILL change once you hit 25 or approach 30 - you'll start to give serious thought to being married, etc., and far too many men effectively render themselves unable to enter into a serious relationship because they haven't learned the ways and means of effective dating and don't know how to function in a co-dependent context. Remember, the trolls of a certain age in the club were often yesterday's 20-something party boys who made a thriving career out of meaningless hook-ups.