GLBT Crowd: How do I meet guys who are more my "type"?
Jul 31, 2010, 6:10 pm
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1
GLBT Crowd: How do I meet guys who are more my "type"?
I am a 22 year old gay male living in Calgary, AB Canada. I'm independent, attractive and generally a easy person to talk to and have fun with.
I however never seem to meet my type (basically someone around my age who takes care of them-self, values monogamy and is intelligent enough to hold down a decent conversation).
My last relationship lasted two years and was a "long-distance" situation that never worked out, because of the distance.
So on my quest to move on with my life I've set up profiles on some of the bigger dating websites (Plenty of Fish and OKcupid). I only seemed to meet really desperate people with a lot of problems and most where missing 2-3 of the qualities I need in a boyfriend (defined above).
So to cure my loneliness I started hanging out in a video-chat website. I started to meet guys who where in every aspect my "type" and well, I get a lot of attention from the type of people I want to meet there. Which is great! but they all live in the most random, far away destinations. When I bring up meeting or the concept of dating it just doesn't seem like it will work out due to either their financial situation or the distance factor. Such a high percentage of guys my age just want to "have fun" so any concept that would involve a bit of work to date would just not work for them.
I felt really alone a few nights ago and decided I would try a gay bar or two to see what it was like. I have never in my life felt more like a "piece of meat" then that experience and I don't want to do it again.
Whats a boy to do in this situation? moving to say an area like San Francisco seems ridiculous just for dating prospects, plus I like it here in Calgary. Thanks in advance for the advice.
I however never seem to meet my type (basically someone around my age who takes care of them-self, values monogamy and is intelligent enough to hold down a decent conversation).
My last relationship lasted two years and was a "long-distance" situation that never worked out, because of the distance.
So on my quest to move on with my life I've set up profiles on some of the bigger dating websites (Plenty of Fish and OKcupid). I only seemed to meet really desperate people with a lot of problems and most where missing 2-3 of the qualities I need in a boyfriend (defined above).
So to cure my loneliness I started hanging out in a video-chat website. I started to meet guys who where in every aspect my "type" and well, I get a lot of attention from the type of people I want to meet there. Which is great! but they all live in the most random, far away destinations. When I bring up meeting or the concept of dating it just doesn't seem like it will work out due to either their financial situation or the distance factor. Such a high percentage of guys my age just want to "have fun" so any concept that would involve a bit of work to date would just not work for them.
I felt really alone a few nights ago and decided I would try a gay bar or two to see what it was like. I have never in my life felt more like a "piece of meat" then that experience and I don't want to do it again.
Whats a boy to do in this situation? moving to say an area like San Francisco seems ridiculous just for dating prospects, plus I like it here in Calgary. Thanks in advance for the advice.
Last edited by peteropny; Aug 1, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Jul 31, 2010, 8:07 pm
#2
In Memoriam
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NYC
Programs: DL DM, UA, AA, SPG Gold, Marriott, HH, Fairmont, NYSC (Passport), 24hrFitness-Super Sport
Posts: 2,197
Tip #1: don't ask frequent fliers, gay or straight, for dating advice.
Tip #2: get off dating websites.
Tip #3: Enjoy your twenties.
Tip #2: get off dating websites.
Tip #3: Enjoy your twenties.
Jul 31, 2010, 10:39 pm
#3
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: May 2006
Location: SEA or BGR, Lower Earth Orbit
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Posts: 17,217
What kind of guy are you looking for? Do what they do.
If you're looking for an outdoorsy type guy, do something outdoorsy. Etc.
I'm sure that there are gay groups in your area. You're not going to find what you're looking for online. Even if you meet someone you'll still need something to go back to.
But yes, get off the websites, have fun in your 20's (and be safe). And a frequent flier's kind of a date is going on a mileage run. Sometimes its to some place fun, often times its a four stop trip on the "Devil's Chariot" (crj100/200) from no-where to no-where 200 miles west and you want to go someplace nice for dinner and your date suggests that you have a quick stop at the RCC in MSP for the "Lunch Buffet" and drinks that night are at the PC in SAT.
If you're looking for an outdoorsy type guy, do something outdoorsy. Etc.
I'm sure that there are gay groups in your area. You're not going to find what you're looking for online. Even if you meet someone you'll still need something to go back to.
But yes, get off the websites, have fun in your 20's (and be safe). And a frequent flier's kind of a date is going on a mileage run. Sometimes its to some place fun, often times its a four stop trip on the "Devil's Chariot" (crj100/200) from no-where to no-where 200 miles west and you want to go someplace nice for dinner and your date suggests that you have a quick stop at the RCC in MSP for the "Lunch Buffet" and drinks that night are at the PC in SAT.
Jul 31, 2010, 10:46 pm
#4
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 9,677
The frequent flier date would be flying across state lines for a romantic dinner.
Aug 1, 2010, 7:57 am
#5
In memoriam
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: HVN
Programs: United
Posts: 546
Dating Websites
(#2) I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss dating websites. I know countless couples, gay and straight, including myself, who met online. But you sure have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince.
Aug 1, 2010, 8:56 am
#6
Join Date: Oct 2004
Programs: Quintessentially Elite, Amex Cent, UA* Lifetime Plat (2mm+), AA CK (6mm+)
Posts: 405
My advice is don't take advice from anyone.
Listen, when Mister Right comes along, you'll know it. If you attempt to force the issue, you'll end up in a string of crap relationships... Basically, the gay version of round peg-square hole.
Dating websites are fine, but know what you're signing up for.
I spent most of my late-teens and twenties (now 28) in a LTR. It was fantastic, but not meant to be forever. I'm now back on the singles scene and it feels as if the world has passed me by in some ways. Sure, I can do a SAT-DFW-LHR-HKG run without breaking a sweat, but when it comes to going out to a gay bar/club alone, I just can't seem to muster the nerve.
Boofriggityhoo, right? I'll figure it out... And so will you
BN
Listen, when Mister Right comes along, you'll know it. If you attempt to force the issue, you'll end up in a string of crap relationships... Basically, the gay version of round peg-square hole.
Dating websites are fine, but know what you're signing up for.
I spent most of my late-teens and twenties (now 28) in a LTR. It was fantastic, but not meant to be forever. I'm now back on the singles scene and it feels as if the world has passed me by in some ways. Sure, I can do a SAT-DFW-LHR-HKG run without breaking a sweat, but when it comes to going out to a gay bar/club alone, I just can't seem to muster the nerve.
Boofriggityhoo, right? I'll figure it out... And so will you
BN
Aug 1, 2010, 11:06 am
#7
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: BOS
Programs: Marriott LTG, HHonors Diamond, Nat'l Exec
Posts: 3,581
Two suggestions. First, focus on meeting (gay) friends. Eventually one of 'em will introduce you to their other friend who's complaining about not being able to meet quality guys.
Second -- think about joining a gay interest group of some kind -- a chorus, a political group, a sports team, etc. That's a great way to meet a more social (and in my experience, more grounded) group of guys.
And don't forget that sometimes "fun" turns into something more, accidentally!
Second -- think about joining a gay interest group of some kind -- a chorus, a political group, a sports team, etc. That's a great way to meet a more social (and in my experience, more grounded) group of guys.
And don't forget that sometimes "fun" turns into something more, accidentally!
Aug 1, 2010, 11:10 am
#8
Suspended
Join Date: Sep 2006
Programs: AAdvantage PP
Posts: 13,913
Nothing more will broaden your life as a human being than traveling. I live in NYC and see 40-50 year old men with no career and no financial means still living the life of going to bars night after night (never could be bothered with a career or developing themselves because it would interfere with their ability to hook up). You do not want to end up like that.
But you are in 20s so start enjoying it. Most guys your age don't want a relationship and want to have fun. Go with the flow. Just remember that dating websites (or even more so hard core hook up web sites) are filled with a lot of scary and sad people. So you will need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. Also, you will need to learn how to handle yourself when other guys act towards you in an inappropriate way, particularly in bars/clubs. Unfortunately, unless you let them know in no certain terms, NOT INTERESTED, they will continue to pester you. Sometimes you need to be very direct/rude to others that have no concept of self respect.
Aug 1, 2010, 2:11 pm
#9
In memoriam
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: HVN
Programs: United
Posts: 546
Relationships
Welcome to Flyertalk, by the way. I just noticed that this is your first post. Since it's not travel-related, though, it's possible that the thread might be moved or removed.
Nevertheless, I was intrigued by your question so I posted a slightly embellished version on DataLounge. Some very interesting responses there.
Nevertheless, I was intrigued by your question so I posted a slightly embellished version on DataLounge. Some very interesting responses there.
Aug 1, 2010, 3:00 pm
#10
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 2,657
(#1) Absolutely! Flyertalkers that I've met in person seem more interested in accumulating miles and upgrading hotel rooms than working on relationships. Which is totally fine, when you're in your twenties (#3), and if that makes you fulfilled and happy.
(#2) I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss dating websites. I know countless couples, gay and straight, including myself, who met online. But you sure have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince.
(#2) I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss dating websites. I know countless couples, gay and straight, including myself, who met online. But you sure have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince.
That being said, I am surprised you are finding it hard to connect in Calgary. I was there 2 months ago ; its not Vancouver or Toronto - but there's a healthy scene.
Aug 1, 2010, 3:51 pm
#11
Used to be 'Travelergcp'
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: New Orleans
Programs: AA Plat, Marriott Gold, Hyatt Globalist
Posts: 2,826
Nothing wrong with bars if you can handle the scene. I met my husband in a bar. I think it's like shopping in a store vs. buying clothes online. There are advantages to both methods. Don't give up!
Aug 1, 2010, 4:04 pm
#12
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: check swarm
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Posts: 14,404
As often repeated here on FlyerTalk: this thread is useless without pictures 
Seriously, we have some very wonderful, fun, smart & wise people here (with a few freaks in the mix too), but this is one of the WORST sites to be seeking dating advice. (Advice on miles, points, credit cards, airport lounges and occasional foam party: yes.)
Put your keyboard or iphone down and go enjoy your 20's.
Seriously, we have some very wonderful, fun, smart & wise people here (with a few freaks in the mix too), but this is one of the WORST sites to be seeking dating advice. (Advice on miles, points, credit cards, airport lounges and occasional foam party: yes.)
Put your keyboard or iphone down and go enjoy your 20's.
Aug 1, 2010, 11:05 pm
#13
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: SEA
Programs: DL Diamond, UA Silver, IHG Platinum, One Man Street Fair in my spare time
Posts: 605
Vecis - welcome to FlyerTalk and good for you for putting yourself out there. I have been out longer than you have been alive, so figured I could weigh in helpfully -
1. I agree with much of what newyorkgeorge and dtremit both said - but I will continue it - there are great people everywhere, and many of them can and will be interested in you. Which brings me to my first point - Get out of your apartment, and be open. I repeat - get out of your apartment. Real relationships happen between real people who actually meet and experience each other in person. I think online dating sites are great tools and many couples have met there, but there is no substitute for real human interaction.
Which brings me to:
2. Don't like gay bars? Don't go. I rarely do. But they are perfectly viable places to meet other interesting men. Learn how to negotiate them - they are an important aspect of our culture and history.
Find your people -
3. We are everywhere! So where to meet people? I made most of my friends here in SF in Gay Men's Chorus, the Symphony Chorus, via the gay film festival, doing volunteer working earlier on in the AIDS pandemic, through Gay cruises like Atlantis and RSVP, and just by being a real quality friend to my friends, which led me to meet their friends, and so on. Although I will add my two wonderful ex-boyfriends came from Gay Men's Chorus. So there is a lot to be said for common affinity groups, including FlyerTalk - although my experience of FlyerTalkers (and I have made many friends here) is their demographic is strongly in the single column, for many reasons.
4. Nothing succeeds like success. Develop your mind and body. Become a man that you admire and respect. Make healthy choices in your life, around your physical body, and in your relationships. Love the man you see in the mirror in a gentle and caring way. Become happy with your own company. Don't ask yourself whether someone is interested in you - ask yourself, "is this someone who could be right for me?" Stay in your emotional driver's seat. The wonderful author and gay therapist Angelo Pezzote encourages us to "tend our vineyard of relationships every day" -- a well tended vineyard takes time and patience, but will always bear good fruit and a fine wine. Few things in this world are more attractive than a healthy confidence in oneself and sincere interest in other people's lives.
5. You are so young - you have a lot of time ahead of you. Don't be afraid to have fun in your 20s. Mr. Right for a lifetime will probably not be the 1st, or 5th or even 20th dating experience. Dating, like so much else, is a skill. Learn it, and become accomplished at it. It will only help you when your Dream Man crosses your path. And he will
Since you are in Calgary (one of my favorite Canadian cities) - check into the outdoorsy affinity groups or the gay and lesbian organizations. They may be more focused on socializing and meeting others. Or volunteer for Pride, as your Pride is coming up later this summer.
1. I agree with much of what newyorkgeorge and dtremit both said - but I will continue it - there are great people everywhere, and many of them can and will be interested in you. Which brings me to my first point - Get out of your apartment, and be open. I repeat - get out of your apartment. Real relationships happen between real people who actually meet and experience each other in person. I think online dating sites are great tools and many couples have met there, but there is no substitute for real human interaction.
Which brings me to:
2. Don't like gay bars? Don't go. I rarely do. But they are perfectly viable places to meet other interesting men. Learn how to negotiate them - they are an important aspect of our culture and history.
Find your people -
3. We are everywhere! So where to meet people? I made most of my friends here in SF in Gay Men's Chorus, the Symphony Chorus, via the gay film festival, doing volunteer working earlier on in the AIDS pandemic, through Gay cruises like Atlantis and RSVP, and just by being a real quality friend to my friends, which led me to meet their friends, and so on. Although I will add my two wonderful ex-boyfriends came from Gay Men's Chorus. So there is a lot to be said for common affinity groups, including FlyerTalk - although my experience of FlyerTalkers (and I have made many friends here) is their demographic is strongly in the single column, for many reasons.
4. Nothing succeeds like success. Develop your mind and body. Become a man that you admire and respect. Make healthy choices in your life, around your physical body, and in your relationships. Love the man you see in the mirror in a gentle and caring way. Become happy with your own company. Don't ask yourself whether someone is interested in you - ask yourself, "is this someone who could be right for me?" Stay in your emotional driver's seat. The wonderful author and gay therapist Angelo Pezzote encourages us to "tend our vineyard of relationships every day" -- a well tended vineyard takes time and patience, but will always bear good fruit and a fine wine. Few things in this world are more attractive than a healthy confidence in oneself and sincere interest in other people's lives.
5. You are so young - you have a lot of time ahead of you. Don't be afraid to have fun in your 20s. Mr. Right for a lifetime will probably not be the 1st, or 5th or even 20th dating experience. Dating, like so much else, is a skill. Learn it, and become accomplished at it. It will only help you when your Dream Man crosses your path. And he will
Since you are in Calgary (one of my favorite Canadian cities) - check into the outdoorsy affinity groups or the gay and lesbian organizations. They may be more focused on socializing and meeting others. Or volunteer for Pride, as your Pride is coming up later this summer.
Aug 2, 2010, 6:33 am
#14
Suspended
Join Date: Sep 2006
Programs: AAdvantage PP
Posts: 13,913
Vecis - welcome to FlyerTalk and good for you for putting yourself out there. I have been out longer than you have been alive, so figured I could weigh in helpfully -
1. I agree with much of what newyorkgeorge and dtremit both said - but I will continue it - there are great people everywhere, and many of them can and will be interested in you. Which brings me to my first point - Get out of your apartment, and be open. I repeat - get out of your apartment. Real relationships happen between real people who actually meet and experience each other in person. I think online dating sites are great tools and many couples have met there, but there is no substitute for real human interaction.
Which brings me to:
2. Don't like gay bars? Don't go. I rarely do. But they are perfectly viable places to meet other interesting men. Learn how to negotiate them - they are an important aspect of our culture and history.
Find your people -
3. We are everywhere! So where to meet people? I made most of my friends here in SF in Gay Men's Chorus, the Symphony Chorus, via the gay film festival, doing volunteer working earlier on in the AIDS pandemic, through Gay cruises like Atlantis and RSVP, and just by being a real quality friend to my friends, which led me to meet their friends, and so on. Although I will add my two wonderful ex-boyfriends came from Gay Men's Chorus. So there is a lot to be said for common affinity groups, including FlyerTalk - although my experience of FlyerTalkers (and I have made many friends here) is their demographic is strongly in the single column, for many reasons.
4. Nothing succeeds like success. Develop your mind and body. Become a man that you admire and respect. Make healthy choices in your life, around your physical body, and in your relationships. Love the man you see in the mirror in a gentle and caring way. Become happy with your own company. Don't ask yourself whether someone is interested in you - ask yourself, "is this someone who could be right for me?" Stay in your emotional driver's seat. The wonderful author and gay therapist Angelo Pezzote encourages us to "tend our vineyard of relationships every day" -- a well tended vineyard takes time and patience, but will always bear good fruit and a fine wine. Few things in this world are more attractive than a healthy confidence in oneself and sincere interest in other people's lives.
5. You are so young - you have a lot of time ahead of you. Don't be afraid to have fun in your 20s. Mr. Right for a lifetime will probably not be the 1st, or 5th or even 20th dating experience. Dating, like so much else, is a skill. Learn it, and become accomplished at it. It will only help you when your Dream Man crosses your path. And he will Since you are in Calgary (one of my favorite Canadian cities) - check into the outdoorsy affinity groups or the gay and lesbian organizations. They may be more focused on socializing and meeting others. Or volunteer for Pride, as your Pride is coming up later this summer.
1. I agree with much of what newyorkgeorge and dtremit both said - but I will continue it - there are great people everywhere, and many of them can and will be interested in you. Which brings me to my first point - Get out of your apartment, and be open. I repeat - get out of your apartment. Real relationships happen between real people who actually meet and experience each other in person. I think online dating sites are great tools and many couples have met there, but there is no substitute for real human interaction.
Which brings me to:
2. Don't like gay bars? Don't go. I rarely do. But they are perfectly viable places to meet other interesting men. Learn how to negotiate them - they are an important aspect of our culture and history.
Find your people -
3. We are everywhere! So where to meet people? I made most of my friends here in SF in Gay Men's Chorus, the Symphony Chorus, via the gay film festival, doing volunteer working earlier on in the AIDS pandemic, through Gay cruises like Atlantis and RSVP, and just by being a real quality friend to my friends, which led me to meet their friends, and so on. Although I will add my two wonderful ex-boyfriends came from Gay Men's Chorus. So there is a lot to be said for common affinity groups, including FlyerTalk - although my experience of FlyerTalkers (and I have made many friends here) is their demographic is strongly in the single column, for many reasons.
4. Nothing succeeds like success. Develop your mind and body. Become a man that you admire and respect. Make healthy choices in your life, around your physical body, and in your relationships. Love the man you see in the mirror in a gentle and caring way. Become happy with your own company. Don't ask yourself whether someone is interested in you - ask yourself, "is this someone who could be right for me?" Stay in your emotional driver's seat. The wonderful author and gay therapist Angelo Pezzote encourages us to "tend our vineyard of relationships every day" -- a well tended vineyard takes time and patience, but will always bear good fruit and a fine wine. Few things in this world are more attractive than a healthy confidence in oneself and sincere interest in other people's lives.
5. You are so young - you have a lot of time ahead of you. Don't be afraid to have fun in your 20s. Mr. Right for a lifetime will probably not be the 1st, or 5th or even 20th dating experience. Dating, like so much else, is a skill. Learn it, and become accomplished at it. It will only help you when your Dream Man crosses your path. And he will
Since you are in Calgary (one of my favorite Canadian cities) - check into the outdoorsy affinity groups or the gay and lesbian organizations. They may be more focused on socializing and meeting others. Or volunteer for Pride, as your Pride is coming up later this summer.