Travel Depression
Aug 11, 2004, 8:39 pm
#31
Original Member
Join Date: May 1998
Location: Niceville, FL, USA
Posts: 2,793
I can only encourage you to stick in there.
This may not be your problem, but may I suggest that you think of a very similar problem that I have, almost every time I go to a new site/assignment...
I go there, isolated from my family/other support groups or friends, it's a strange place, and you came all of this way...to do what? Certainly, something -- to quote Clint Eastwood in the "Eiger Sanction" --- Massive.
So there you are, seemingly spening 90% of your time to just get a grip on the situation and all the technicalities, feeling like a real moron...
And by dang, you are expected to PRODUCE!! from day one, almost. Kinda scary, isn't it?
Maybe this is the problem. This has always been my problem for every single assignment I've been on. It just sometimes beats me down into the ground. It is a hard thing to deal with, and personally, I am helped enormously by calling my wife and singing the blues to her...God bless her, what a rock for me.
Anyway, I'm jusat suggesting that it may not be any problem or failing with you at all. Not even a cultural-shock kind of thing. It may just be the load of expectations that have been heaped upon you and which you're now doing your best to deal with.
If that's the case, it will get better....in my case, takes 4-6 weeks to get out of the anxiety/depression/certainty that I'm screw up royally. Once I really get to know and work with the technology, the culture, and my co-workers, I really get quite comfortable. I just know now that it won't come easy or quick.
You hang in there, Dude!! It WILL get better.
This may not be your problem, but may I suggest that you think of a very similar problem that I have, almost every time I go to a new site/assignment...
I go there, isolated from my family/other support groups or friends, it's a strange place, and you came all of this way...to do what? Certainly, something -- to quote Clint Eastwood in the "Eiger Sanction" --- Massive.
So there you are, seemingly spening 90% of your time to just get a grip on the situation and all the technicalities, feeling like a real moron...
And by dang, you are expected to PRODUCE!! from day one, almost. Kinda scary, isn't it?
Maybe this is the problem. This has always been my problem for every single assignment I've been on. It just sometimes beats me down into the ground. It is a hard thing to deal with, and personally, I am helped enormously by calling my wife and singing the blues to her...God bless her, what a rock for me.
Anyway, I'm jusat suggesting that it may not be any problem or failing with you at all. Not even a cultural-shock kind of thing. It may just be the load of expectations that have been heaped upon you and which you're now doing your best to deal with.
If that's the case, it will get better....in my case, takes 4-6 weeks to get out of the anxiety/depression/certainty that I'm screw up royally. Once I really get to know and work with the technology, the culture, and my co-workers, I really get quite comfortable. I just know now that it won't come easy or quick.
You hang in there, Dude!! It WILL get better.
Aug 11, 2004, 9:55 pm
#32
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: NH
Posts: 5,720
Originally Posted by brettsymartin
In my experience, the worst part of this feeling is that it's compounded by guilt at not doing what you "should" be doing or feeling what you "should" be feeling in a foreign country. I like what the person above suggested about room service/cable TV and other comforts like that. Work toward getting out there and exploring but don't beat yourself up about it. Just do what you need to do at the moment to feel good and, most likely, the rest will pass.
I actually enjoyed myself, although I didn't broadcast how little I did to friends. I didn't think they'd understand.
Rita
Aug 12, 2004, 12:52 am
#33
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: southern CA
Programs: CO Gold; Hilton Gold; PC/Ambassador Gold
Posts: 621
Originally Posted by rkt10
Oh, I absolutely agree. Last year I spent a week in Spain in an organized program (not germaine to this topic) and afterwards had 4 days in Madrid alone. I figured I'd do the museums. But as each day arrived and passed, I found myself doing almost nothing. Walked and observed Spaniards. Had coffee across the street and observed Spaniards. Sat in the hotel lobby with "una copa de cava" (glass of Spanish champagne) and observed Spaniards and finally ate dinner in the hotel dining room and (you guessed it) observed Spaniards.
Well, what I try to do before going abroad is look up expatriate sites & sometimes get info. on where Americans overseas meet up. Just in case. But I have never felt the need to find other Americans or English speaking people anywhere, so far. I am usually in awe when I go to new places, so I don't get down.
Aug 12, 2004, 1:37 am
#34
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Boston, Jo'burg, HK
Programs: AA EXP, Hyatt Lifetime Diamond, CX Gold, Mrs. Pickles travels for free
Posts: 13,163
When I first went to Japan as a tourist (definitely before you were born), I thought it was fascinating, the strangest place in the planet (or a different planet altogether). I decided at that point that I had to get to know the place better. So, a few years later (my guess is by then you were possibly eating solid food), I moved there to work.
I worked for a Japanese company, and lived in a company dorm, in a town not unlike Zama, called Tsurumi. Although a little closer to the city itself than Zama, this place had the charm of a loading dock.
For a while, I was just wondering what the hell I was doing there, and what a bad move it had been. Then, I started to venture out, and I would make it a point to go into the city to check it out whenever I could, evenings and weekends. So, I started wandering the city streets, met a few people, and got to like the place. I also made some very good friends, that to this day, I stay in touch with and do business with. I'd say they are some of my best friends. Being in Japan in a strange environment made for the formation of an unusual bond of friendship that would not have been possible in a Western setting.
Eventually, I left, and what I said to myself is that I'd love to come back, under one condition: next time, I'm going to live somewhere where the action is. So, I have come back a number of times, and Tokyo remains my favorite city in the world. The country is just as strange as it was the first time, but I actually like that.
I see you liked Kamakura. I personally find it too "touristy", but it is a good place to visit. If you enjoy that kind of stuff, you should make a plan to go to Asakusa in Tokyo by yourself. You may want to ask your host family to write out the instructions on how to get there in Japanese (and you can follow along on a map in English, the Kodansha bilingual map is excellent for that), and then if you get lost (and you will), just ask somebody and point at the map and instructions. You'll eventually make it, so give yourself a couple of hours to get there.
Also, check out my friend Mike Clarke's website, www.hunkabutta.com He's a Canadian who's lived in Japan for a while, and has a great perspective of Japan as a foreigner. He's moving back to Canada soon, but he's still there. You should look at the pictures and read his archives, pretty good stuff.
I worked for a Japanese company, and lived in a company dorm, in a town not unlike Zama, called Tsurumi. Although a little closer to the city itself than Zama, this place had the charm of a loading dock.
For a while, I was just wondering what the hell I was doing there, and what a bad move it had been. Then, I started to venture out, and I would make it a point to go into the city to check it out whenever I could, evenings and weekends. So, I started wandering the city streets, met a few people, and got to like the place. I also made some very good friends, that to this day, I stay in touch with and do business with. I'd say they are some of my best friends. Being in Japan in a strange environment made for the formation of an unusual bond of friendship that would not have been possible in a Western setting.
Eventually, I left, and what I said to myself is that I'd love to come back, under one condition: next time, I'm going to live somewhere where the action is. So, I have come back a number of times, and Tokyo remains my favorite city in the world. The country is just as strange as it was the first time, but I actually like that.
I see you liked Kamakura. I personally find it too "touristy", but it is a good place to visit. If you enjoy that kind of stuff, you should make a plan to go to Asakusa in Tokyo by yourself. You may want to ask your host family to write out the instructions on how to get there in Japanese (and you can follow along on a map in English, the Kodansha bilingual map is excellent for that), and then if you get lost (and you will), just ask somebody and point at the map and instructions. You'll eventually make it, so give yourself a couple of hours to get there.
Also, check out my friend Mike Clarke's website, www.hunkabutta.com He's a Canadian who's lived in Japan for a while, and has a great perspective of Japan as a foreigner. He's moving back to Canada soon, but he's still there. You should look at the pictures and read his archives, pretty good stuff.
Aug 12, 2004, 5:22 am
#35
Join Date: May 2002
Location: YYZ
Posts: 389
I know exactly what you´re feeling and am goign through it myself right now! I´ve been (really) travelling alone for a week, and before that semi-alone for about 10 days (in London staying with a friend who worked 18 hours a day--not much interaction). After my incident in MAD (see thread in TravelBuzz), I´ve been a bit offset by talking to other people. Plus, in MAD and Sevilla, my hostals were practically EMPTY, so I really didn´t talk to anyone except waiters and people at internet cafes. Granted, I could talk on MSN/AIM, it just wansn´t the same. I found myself eavesdropping 100% on anglophone people in restaurants just to experience a conversation without being a part of it (I could have introduced myself, but didnt). Finally in Valencia my hostel was rammed full and I met some anglophone people, what a relief! Alas, was tehre only for 2 days and am now in BCN waiting for my parents to arrive (3 hours´delay...thanks DL).
My advice--don´t be shy. I´m a very social person in general, but in uncomfortable situations (ie with strangers) I tend to be more introverted. Once I get going, no problems, but it takes a lot for me to say something. THere´s been laods of graet advice before me, but just know you aren´t alone.
Do what feels comfortable to you--sightseeing or room service. It´s your trip, you can do as you like.
My advice--don´t be shy. I´m a very social person in general, but in uncomfortable situations (ie with strangers) I tend to be more introverted. Once I get going, no problems, but it takes a lot for me to say something. THere´s been laods of graet advice before me, but just know you aren´t alone.
Do what feels comfortable to you--sightseeing or room service. It´s your trip, you can do as you like.
Aug 12, 2004, 8:42 am
#36
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 11
Stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and cut yourself off from home. Stop posting on the Travel forum while you're away. Live now, post when you get back. You really want your memories of Japan to be tied up in pretend hugs from Atlanta?
Go to an ex-pat bar, get sloshed and get laid. If you can't find one on your own, go to Roppongi and ask anyone for directions to Club 911. (Yes, I know it sucks on the grand scale of Platonic forms of experiential travel, but it'll do the trick.)
7/11 depressed you because your brain thinks it can choose not to be in Japan. Well it can't. The bad news is you're stuck there until you leave. The good news is, you happen to be stuck somewhere awesome. So get over yourself and start having a good time, goddamnit.
Go to an ex-pat bar, get sloshed and get laid. If you can't find one on your own, go to Roppongi and ask anyone for directions to Club 911. (Yes, I know it sucks on the grand scale of Platonic forms of experiential travel, but it'll do the trick.)
7/11 depressed you because your brain thinks it can choose not to be in Japan. Well it can't. The bad news is you're stuck there until you leave. The good news is, you happen to be stuck somewhere awesome. So get over yourself and start having a good time, goddamnit.
Aug 12, 2004, 3:56 pm
#37
Original Poster
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Programs: UA MP, Marriot R
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by Pickles
I see you liked Kamakura. I personally find it too "touristy", but it is a good place to visit. If you enjoy that kind of stuff, you should make a plan to go to Asakusa in Tokyo by yourself. You may want to ask your host family to write out the instructions on how to get there in Japanese (and you can follow along on a map in English, the Kodansha bilingual map is excellent for that), and then if you get lost (and you will), just ask somebody and point at the map and instructions. You'll eventually make it, so give yourself a couple of hours to get there.
Also, check out my friend Mike Clarke's website, www.hunkabutta.com He's a Canadian who's lived in Japan for a while, and has a great perspective of Japan as a foreigner. He's moving back to Canada soon, but he's still there. You should look at the pictures and read his archives, pretty good stuff.
Also, check out my friend Mike Clarke's website, www.hunkabutta.com He's a Canadian who's lived in Japan for a while, and has a great perspective of Japan as a foreigner. He's moving back to Canada soon, but he's still there. You should look at the pictures and read his archives, pretty good stuff.
Aug 12, 2004, 5:46 pm
#38
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: southern CA
Programs: CO Gold; Hilton Gold; PC/Ambassador Gold
Posts: 621
Originally Posted by Jayou360
Stop sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and cut yourself off from home. Stop posting on the Travel forum while you're away. Live now, post when you get back. You really want your memories of Japan to be tied up in pretend hugs from Atlanta?
Go to an ex-pat bar, get sloshed and get laid. If you can't find one on your own, go to Roppongi and ask anyone for directions to Club 911. (Yes, I know it sucks on the grand scale of Platonic forms of experiential travel, but it'll do the trick.)
7/11 depressed you because your brain thinks it can choose not to be in Japan. Well it can't. The bad news is you're stuck there until you leave. The good news is, you happen to be stuck somewhere awesome. So get over yourself and start having a good time, goddamnit.
Go to an ex-pat bar, get sloshed and get laid. If you can't find one on your own, go to Roppongi and ask anyone for directions to Club 911. (Yes, I know it sucks on the grand scale of Platonic forms of experiential travel, but it'll do the trick.)
7/11 depressed you because your brain thinks it can choose not to be in Japan. Well it can't. The bad news is you're stuck there until you leave. The good news is, you happen to be stuck somewhere awesome. So get over yourself and start having a good time, goddamnit.
Aug 12, 2004, 8:51 pm
#39
Original Poster
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Programs: UA MP, Marriot R
Posts: 480
Asakusa -- what is there -- temples I believe? Another depressing day today -- I got to cook american food for the family here though....came out....okay...lol
-Deviled eggs
-potato salad
-lemon chicken
I think i'll go for another walk....
-Deviled eggs
-potato salad
-lemon chicken
I think i'll go for another walk....
Aug 12, 2004, 9:31 pm
#40
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Monkeyville
Programs: Island DOs, very sticky toffee pud w vanilla ice cream n multi-coloured velvet pillows enthusiast
Posts: 4,647
Originally Posted by tokyotraveler
...Another depressing day today --
If you would like to talk, I would be more than happy to give you a call later today, just email me your phone number. No problem at all.
belle
Aug 13, 2004, 1:28 am
#41
Original Poster
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Programs: UA MP, Marriot R
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by belle3388
Sorry to hear about that, t t...
If you would like to talk, I would be more than happy to give you a call later today, just email me your phone number. No problem at all.
belle
If you would like to talk, I would be more than happy to give you a call later today, just email me your phone number. No problem at all.
belle
Aug 14, 2004, 3:36 am
#42
Original Poster
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Programs: UA MP, Marriot R
Posts: 480
I hate to double post and hate for it to complain but you guys here at FlyerTalk have shown me a group of people...a community of people that guinuinly care for one another and that amazes me to no end. I just wanted to post again -- It seems that today my depression has hit an all time low. Now before you people critise me for staying in the house that is not true -- quite the contrary actually. I went to Akasusa(spelling?), Akihabara, Tokyo and saw many incredible sights. But I could not properlly absorb them. Why is it getting worse. Maybe it's sexual tension Seriously though, I dont know what it is, I just miss home so much and I'm just so down.....i'm sure this isn't healthy.
Seriously though, I dont know what it is, I just miss home so much and I'm just so down.....i'm sure this isn't healthy.
Aug 14, 2004, 4:14 am
#43
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Feb 1999
Location: Seat 1A, Juice pretty much everywhere, Mucci des Coins Exotiques
Posts: 34,339
For instant attitude adjustment, alcohol usually works well. But for those who don't drink or can't afford to hang out in bars, or don't want to get hit on in bars, you have to find another way to get by. Try reading a book! That can transport you away from anywhere.
But basically you just need to get more life experience. I think most people get homesick on their first trip or first few trips overseas. But after a while you learn to appreciate new cultures and soon you will meet new people and really enjoy travel. I've been traveling by myself overseas for years now and love it. But I can recall the early days when I longed for American television and a decent cheeseburger. Thankfully those days are over and I can really enjoy myself when traveling.
Tokyotraveler, as you are in a Buddhist country, perhaps you should study how Buddha might have reacted to being alone in a foreign country? I'm sure you can find someone who speaks English who would be happy to give you some Zen tips. Go to a nice hotel and ask a concierge for a good temple where they speak English.
But basically you just need to get more life experience. I think most people get homesick on their first trip or first few trips overseas. But after a while you learn to appreciate new cultures and soon you will meet new people and really enjoy travel. I've been traveling by myself overseas for years now and love it. But I can recall the early days when I longed for American television and a decent cheeseburger. Thankfully those days are over and I can really enjoy myself when traveling.
Tokyotraveler, as you are in a Buddhist country, perhaps you should study how Buddha might have reacted to being alone in a foreign country? I'm sure you can find someone who speaks English who would be happy to give you some Zen tips. Go to a nice hotel and ask a concierge for a good temple where they speak English.
Last edited by stimpy; Aug 14, 2004 at 4:17 am
Aug 14, 2004, 5:48 am
#44
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Boston, Jo'burg, HK
Programs: AA EXP, Hyatt Lifetime Diamond, CX Gold, Mrs. Pickles travels for free
Posts: 13,163
Hey, some people just aren't meant to travel. Maybe you are one of them. I wouldn't expect many of them to post here in FT, though. It can be fixed, though. Mrs. Pickles used to be that type. She now flies transpacific half a dozen times a year without batting a lovely eyelash.
Aug 14, 2004, 8:39 am
#45
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: san jose, CA
Posts: 2,995
You may also want to consider paying a change fee on your flight and going home early, if you feel real bad.