Toast
Feb 18, 1999 | 10:49 pm
#1
Original Poster
Original Member
Join Date: May 1998
Location: New York
Posts: 2,115
Toast
If American Airlines made toasters...
It would stop toasting if you purchased any other appliances that toasted things.
If United Airlines or Delta Airlines made toasters...
It would only toast very small pieces of bread.
If Southwest Airlines made toasters...
It would require you to number your slices of bread and toast them in numerical order. It would also require that several slices be toasted backwards.
If Continental Airlines made toasters...
They would be very popular with people who toast a lot. They would get extra toast not only from Continental's toasters but from Northwest's and America West's toasters also.
If Midwest Express made toasters....
All the bread slots would be extra wide.
If Virgin Atlantic made toasters...
It would take you to the store to buy the bread.
If Hilton made toasters...
It would make toast and bacon and eggs at the same time.
You would also be able to exchange your bread for croissants and bagels.
If Amex made toasters...
It would be a very good toaster, but wouldn't work in all kitchens
If Diner's Club made toasters...
You'd be able to exchange your toast for bagels.
Once a year they would give you a few extra bagels when exchanging toast.
If Singapore Airlines made toasters...
It would butter the toast for you.
If Marriott made toasters...
They'd have one model for people who toast bread. One model for people who toast bagels and a third for people who toast croissants.
If Randy Peterson made toasters...
They would give everyone free bread for using them.
If Freddie Laker Made toasters...
Toast would cost a lot less.
If David Fisher made toasters....
They would tell you where on the Internet to get free bread.
If Zen and Andy made toasters...
They would promise a bakery if you got people to use their toasters. End up only giving you a few crumbs and then stop working altogether.
If Arturo made toasters....
You'd throw the toaster out the window.
If British Airways or Air France made toasters...
They would toast faster than any other toaster, but make a ton more noise.
If TWA made toasters....
One or more parts of the toaster would stop working just before breakfast time.
If La Quinta made toasters...
You'd get an extra slice of toast after every 12 slices toasted.
If Eastern Airlines made toasters....
They would have stopped working years ago.
It would stop toasting if you purchased any other appliances that toasted things.
If United Airlines or Delta Airlines made toasters...
It would only toast very small pieces of bread.
If Southwest Airlines made toasters...
It would require you to number your slices of bread and toast them in numerical order. It would also require that several slices be toasted backwards.
If Continental Airlines made toasters...
They would be very popular with people who toast a lot. They would get extra toast not only from Continental's toasters but from Northwest's and America West's toasters also.
If Midwest Express made toasters....
All the bread slots would be extra wide.
If Virgin Atlantic made toasters...
It would take you to the store to buy the bread.
If Hilton made toasters...
It would make toast and bacon and eggs at the same time.
You would also be able to exchange your bread for croissants and bagels.
If Amex made toasters...
It would be a very good toaster, but wouldn't work in all kitchens
If Diner's Club made toasters...
You'd be able to exchange your toast for bagels.
Once a year they would give you a few extra bagels when exchanging toast.
If Singapore Airlines made toasters...
It would butter the toast for you.
If Marriott made toasters...
They'd have one model for people who toast bread. One model for people who toast bagels and a third for people who toast croissants.
If Randy Peterson made toasters...
They would give everyone free bread for using them.
If Freddie Laker Made toasters...
Toast would cost a lot less.
If David Fisher made toasters....
They would tell you where on the Internet to get free bread.
If Zen and Andy made toasters...
They would promise a bakery if you got people to use their toasters. End up only giving you a few crumbs and then stop working altogether.
If Arturo made toasters....
You'd throw the toaster out the window.
If British Airways or Air France made toasters...
They would toast faster than any other toaster, but make a ton more noise.
If TWA made toasters....
One or more parts of the toaster would stop working just before breakfast time.
If La Quinta made toasters...
You'd get an extra slice of toast after every 12 slices toasted.
If Eastern Airlines made toasters....
They would have stopped working years ago.
Feb 19, 1999 | 4:11 am
#3
Original Member
Join Date: May 1998
Location: In protest of Flyertalk's uncalledfor censoring of my point of view, I cancelled my InsideFlyer subscription. So long, and thanks for everything.
Posts: 3,325
Brilliant!, Wonderful!
But you left these out...
If Hertz made toasters...
All of the toast would be perfect but a bit more expensive.
If Avis made toasters...
All of the toast would obsess about trying to be as good as the perfect toast.
If National made toasters...
You could put plain white bread in the toaster and usually have it come out OK, but if you ever tried to toast something a little different (wheat, a bagel, etc) you'd have to wait on a line instead of going right to the toaster, and the wrong bread would always come out (put in rye, bagel would come out). In addition, there would be days when all they had was crackers and 10 foot hero rolls.
If Alamo made toasters...
They would always be on sale, but more than half of the time the bread would disappear after you put it in regardless of their promise to toast it. You'd have to stand on long lines for a long time to try to get it back toasted, and would be happy if they had even a cracker for you, but usually their pantry is empty. Many times, while waiting for the toast to come out, you wind-up berating yourself for buying such a cheap toaster. 25% of people who bought Alamo toasters will buy a more expensive brand while waiting on line for their toast to come out.
But you left these out...
If Hertz made toasters...
All of the toast would be perfect but a bit more expensive.
If Avis made toasters...
All of the toast would obsess about trying to be as good as the perfect toast.
If National made toasters...
You could put plain white bread in the toaster and usually have it come out OK, but if you ever tried to toast something a little different (wheat, a bagel, etc) you'd have to wait on a line instead of going right to the toaster, and the wrong bread would always come out (put in rye, bagel would come out). In addition, there would be days when all they had was crackers and 10 foot hero rolls.
If Alamo made toasters...
They would always be on sale, but more than half of the time the bread would disappear after you put it in regardless of their promise to toast it. You'd have to stand on long lines for a long time to try to get it back toasted, and would be happy if they had even a cracker for you, but usually their pantry is empty. Many times, while waiting for the toast to come out, you wind-up berating yourself for buying such a cheap toaster. 25% of people who bought Alamo toasters will buy a more expensive brand while waiting on line for their toast to come out.
Feb 19, 1999 | 5:44 am
#4
Original Member
Join Date: May 1998
Location: America Central
Programs: CO Gold, AA Gold, HH Diamond, IC Plat Ambassador
Posts: 936
You guys are too too much! Great...
I'll add one:
If SFO Int'l made toasters, only one of the slots would be available much of the time. If you actually get a slice of bread into the toaster, it may take 5 minutes to toast or 45 minutes to toast...
I'll add one:
If SFO Int'l made toasters, only one of the slots would be available much of the time. If you actually get a slice of bread into the toaster, it may take 5 minutes to toast or 45 minutes to toast...
Feb 19, 1999 | 1:52 pm
#5
Commander Catcop
Join Date: May 1998
Posts: 10,259
I'VE PACIFIED THE CAT COP WHO CHOKED ON A PIECE OF TOAST BECAUSE BOOMER FORGOT TO SAY THIS IS OMNI!! BUT I NOTED THIS IS FREQUENT FLYER RELATED BECAUSE WE TALK ABOUT THE PROGRAMS!
This is such a fun thread! Kudos Boomer!
Here's a few more:
If EWR Made Toasters: They would take two hours to heat up and another hour to defrost the toast.
If Starwood made Toasters: the Toasters would have the same design but not every piece of bread would fit in.
IF Air Canada made Toasters: the bread would come out shaped like Red Maple Leaves (I hope that's not offensive BlondeBomber... I LOVE CANADA AND THE RED GREEN SHOW!
If InterContinental made Toasters: the toasters would be gold plated, the bread made from the finest yeast, the toast nicely browned and served on a silver platter.
IF American Express made Toasters: you would be double Membership Rewards for every piece of toast you make!
If HOliday Inns made Toasters: The toast would be overpriced and come out broken up and crumby.
If Motel Six made Toasters: the only things they could be used to toast are Pork Rinds and Hickory Farms Beef Stick!
If Rudi made Toasters: The toast would always come out perfect and always be warm!
If JAWS made Toasters: The toast would take like ShinerBock and after a few slicers you would be uncapable of doing anything!
If CATMAN made Toasters: The toasters would be shaped like cats heads and the toast would ahve a few strands of cat hair on them Plus to tell you when the toast was done it would pop up and the toaster would say "MEOW!"
CATMAN
[This message has been edited by Catman (edited 02-19-99).]
This is such a fun thread! Kudos Boomer!
Here's a few more:
If EWR Made Toasters: They would take two hours to heat up and another hour to defrost the toast.
If Starwood made Toasters: the Toasters would have the same design but not every piece of bread would fit in.
IF Air Canada made Toasters: the bread would come out shaped like Red Maple Leaves (I hope that's not offensive BlondeBomber... I LOVE CANADA AND THE RED GREEN SHOW!
If InterContinental made Toasters: the toasters would be gold plated, the bread made from the finest yeast, the toast nicely browned and served on a silver platter.
IF American Express made Toasters: you would be double Membership Rewards for every piece of toast you make!
If HOliday Inns made Toasters: The toast would be overpriced and come out broken up and crumby.
If Motel Six made Toasters: the only things they could be used to toast are Pork Rinds and Hickory Farms Beef Stick!
If Rudi made Toasters: The toast would always come out perfect and always be warm!
If JAWS made Toasters: The toast would take like ShinerBock and after a few slicers you would be uncapable of doing anything!
If CATMAN made Toasters: The toasters would be shaped like cats heads and the toast would ahve a few strands of cat hair on them Plus to tell you when the toast was done it would pop up and the toaster would say "MEOW!"
CATMAN
[This message has been edited by Catman (edited 02-19-99).]
Feb 20, 1999 | 12:05 am
#6
Original Member, Moderator: Hotel Deals and MilesBuzz
Join Date: May 1998
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 14,291
If Northwest made toasters, they would always burn the bread to a crisp as they always keep the bread inside for 6 to 8 hours longer than it is supposed to be.
[This message has been edited by MileageAddict (edited 02-20-99).]
[This message has been edited by MileageAddict (edited 02-20-99).]
Feb 21, 1999 | 11:03 am
#8
Guest
Posts: n/a
And, if IAD made toasters:
You yourself would never really toast the bread, you would have to give it to a "toast-mover" to take your bread from wherever you are toasting to wherever the toasting is actually being done. Same is true when you toast is ready. the "toast-mover" will bring it to you. Then, regardless of where you have decided to toast, EVERYONE will have to go to the exact same place to get their butter and jam.
You yourself would never really toast the bread, you would have to give it to a "toast-mover" to take your bread from wherever you are toasting to wherever the toasting is actually being done. Same is true when you toast is ready. the "toast-mover" will bring it to you. Then, regardless of where you have decided to toast, EVERYONE will have to go to the exact same place to get their butter and jam.
Feb 22, 1999 | 4:56 pm
#10
Original Member
Join Date: May 1998
Location: OMNI Award Winner, Recipient: Ol' Goal Personal Sootkase Tag Award. The Very Special Punki Authentic PiP Sootkase Tag, Pin, & T-Shirt. .........PRE-
Posts: 3,110
if arturo make teaster it tmak teast that taste lik champers and kost a lot.
Feb 23, 1999 | 12:30 am
#11
Original Member, Moderator: Hotel Deals and MilesBuzz
Join Date: May 1998
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 14,291
Catman said... "If Rudi made Toasters: The toast would always come out perfect and always be warm!"
I think if Rudi made toasters, they would be made out of chocolate and he would insist on giving them away for free!
I think if Rudi made toasters, they would be made out of chocolate and he would insist on giving them away for free!