One simple rule, which works 95% of the time: no matter what the food, no matter where I am, if I apply myself, I can make it better myself.

Many people who cook for other people don't care enough, or maybe just don't have the same preferences as me, so they can't make me happy.

Oh, and I don't like boiled rabbit. First culinary memory I have is of my grandmother's boiled rabbit. I was 3-4 or something. It was a BUNNY!!!!!! :(

^

Forgot some:

32. Tofu belongs in miso soup. Only.

33. Hot dogs, if you must eat them, should be Sabrett's, and have sweet relish and a little spicy mustard. Do not drown the dog, just a dash will do ya.

34. Peanut butter should be cold, or room temperature. The bread you are spreading it on should be cold or slightly warm toast. (see earlier post on toast). If you use an English muffin, it should also be slightly warm and toasted.

35. I thoroughly agree that scones should have clotted cream. Unfortunately, I have to send away for that as there are no Britmarts in my area :(

36. Cider on tap. No beer. No red wine. A sweet light white wine is acceptable. Mead is better. Plum wine works, too. Keep your whiskey to yourself, unless I'm aiming to get drunk with friends... then mix it with lots of sweet stuff, like strawberries and ice cream or something.

37. Addendum to water: If I ask for water with no ice, please do not bring me a tiny 3 oz glass. I want to drink it, not sip it. I typically drink 1-2 litres of water a day, and will take care of at least 16 oz of that during a meal. Bringing me a little glass or one filled with ice to the rim will only necessitate more trips for you.

38. Pizza should have meat on it. No pineapple, no bbq sauce, no raw onions or peppers. Meat, meat and more meat. Add some meat. Perhaps some bacon. Shouldn't be crispy.

39. A caesar salad dresssing should not consist of flavorless mayonaisse. It should have pepper, spices, flavor - it should really have anchovies, but rarely do I get that lucky.

40. Take the hard part of the tails off the shrimp before you cook them into a sauce. It is messy, painful and disgusting to have to manhandle the shrimp in order to eat them. Usually the sauce is piping hot butter or oil, and you have to wait until the meal is cool before you can eat the bloody thing. Stop being lazy and shell them! Worse are restaurants who leave the whole bloody shell on. What's the point???

There is almost nothing that can't be improved by butter or salt, preferably both.

Next rule: Be ever-vigilant that in different parts of the country, a "plain hamburger" often means meat, bun, and whatever goop they put on a "plain" [sic] hamburger.

A hermeneutic of suspicion is your friend.

1. Iced tea should have lots of ice in it. And extra lemons.

2. Peanut butter should always be extra crunchy, and preferably served on fuji apples, or maybe celery, or maybe toast. But never on untoasted bread.

3. Thou shalt not use Coca-Cola as a mixer. Coca-Cola needs no accoutrement.. except ice. When offered Pepsi, order iced tea instead.

4. Pork fat really does rule.

5. Cold tomatos are yummy in salad, or by themselves, but burgers and sandwiches are to be ordered without tomato, or picked off and eaten separately.

6. Mayonaise - Best Foods - there is no substitute.

7. Dark Chocolate - there is no substitute

1. Pizza must be crunchy or deep dish. Woodfired is best. If there is not good quality cheese, it's not worth eating.

2. Cold pizza is a perfectly nutritious and delicious breakfast. I had it this morning!

3. Garlic bread needs to be crunchy on the outside and soft inside, real butter and real garlic, no garlic salt. Sourdough makes it better.

4. Olive oil is a gift from the gods.

5. Risotto is another gift from the gods (missydarlin's is a gift from the goddess known as missy)

6. Black beans, not pinto with my burrito or fajitas.

7. Almost anything is better grilled on the BBQ: veggies, meat, pizza, bread, heck I even do Thanksgiving Turkey on the grill. The key is charcoal or if gas using wood chips such as applewood, mesquite, etc.

8. Fried rice, no eggs please.

9. Roma tomatoes are the best because they don't get soggy and they are great roasted or sun-dried.

10. Please keep the following away from me: mayo, mustard, sour cream, chicken feet, liver, processed cheese, liquid cheese & vinigar.

11. Iced tea needs some flavor, preferably a natural, light once such as passionfruit. Lots of ice please. Why do flavorless Lipton when there are so many great iced teas in the world? If you know what an Arnold Palmer is you're my friend for life.

12. Curly or seasoned fries over regular fries, any day of the week, any minute of the day. Sea salt is preferred

13. Burgers should be of quality meat and offer endless ways to enjoy: grilled onions, pepper jack cheese, crispy bacon, bbq sauce, etc. I prefer my buns toasted!

14. Water: I don't buy the restaurant not bringing water unless asked crap. Please add ice, and a lemon would be nice too. If it's empty, please refill it.

15. Love onions, but they need to be grilled or even better carmelized. Red onions are awesome.

16. A sandwich needs quality unprocessed meat such as Board Head cracked pepper turkey (can't do Hormel, Oscar Mayer, etc.). It also needs olive tapanade and a crunchy kosher pickle on the side.

17. Coke-a-cola can be a good thing as long as it's original (no diet) and served with lots of ice and even better with a lemon or lime wedge. Coke sans corn-syrup from non-US countries is preferred.

18. Fresh herbs do amazing things for food. It's so worth having some around at all times.

What if bin laden knows what an arnold palmer is, would you be friends for life? hahhaah i can just see you texting him "BL U MY BFF. I LUV U! :D

good idea DEVIS! Arnold Palmer (the drink) could just be the key to world peace (or us catching that MTHR FKR)

Right away, I thought "That needs some vodka in it!" :D

From Wikipedia:

1. No meat, because my religion says no :)
2. No (raw) apples or pears, because I'm allergic :(
3. No chocolate, because I don't like it much (exceptions made for mini-Toberones and if I am desperate, then mini-Twixes)
4. No food that comes in a "cool ranch" flavor, because that's just gross
5. Nothing blue (berries, cheese, M&Ms, etc), unless it's frozen blue because real blue things are VILE :td:, but frozen blue is the most delicious flavor out there! ^
6. No soda unless it is an integral component of a drink that is some variation of a Long Island ;)
7. No ice-cold water, I only like room-temperature for some reason
8. Sugar cookies with frosting OR sugar cookies with sprinkles, but NOT sugar cookies with both frosting AND sprinkles
9. Only the perfectly round rainbow sprinkles, NOT those janky cylindrical tastes-like-@ss chocolate jimmies :mad:
10. Only skim milk, NEVER anything else
11. Only plain soy milk, NEVER flavored
12. Only tea, NEVER coffee

Hmm there are others, but I need to go. These are the important ones, though. Nice thread, OP! :)

1. religions say a lot of BS
2. that is sad... i'm sorry
3. i can actually see that... chocolate is good but it is highly overrated. I'll take a good juicy peach any freaking day of the week.
7. So what's the room temperature in Dubai? What about Sierra Leone? Anchorage? :)
10. mind as well drink water... room temperature :)
12. oh girlie... one of these days you must learn of the pleasures and sensations only a perfect espresso can deliver!

Carrots do not belong on salad. Ever. Evereverever.

And don't even think about placing pickled beets on or 35-feet within anything you serve me. The entire plate will not be touched and/or sent back. Ick!

1. If it's on my plate, still has eyes and is not a potato, I can't eat it. :(

2. Dark chocolate solves everything.

3. I had to laugh about M&Ms in twos...because I am currently eating dark chocolate M&Ms...in twos. :)

4. Eggs must not be runny. If I can hide a runny yolk under crispy hash browns or into toast, it's okay. But if it's congealing on my plate...yucko!

Hmmmm, west coast centric. Best Foods = Hellmann's mayo in Eastern US.

I brought back a jar of Best Foods for my mother to compare to her beloved Hellmann's. She says that they taste the same.

Me, I hate mayonaise. And vinegar, milk and eggs. I think that I see a connection here.