negs

I, too, often dine solo.

(Off-topic sentence: I prefer to dine..."pigs eat, humans dine")

Always prefer a table, not the bar...tho will sometimes accept the bar.

I try to be conscious of the current traffic in the restaurant, as in, is it crowded/are there groups of people waiting to be seated? Or, although the place is fairly empty now, am I arriving at a time when I can reasonably expect that the place will get busy in the next forty-five minutes? If it is or is going to be busy, I certainly understand being seated at one of the less-than-best tables.

That said, this often works for me:

I approach the podium.

Host/Hostess: "Table for how many?"

Me: (I pretend that I'm not necessarily interested in dining): "Um, I'm having a bit of a problem, and I was hoping that you might be able to help me out."

Host/Hostess: (Getting nervous now 'cause they don't know what I'm about to ask): "What can I help you with?"

Me: "I'm traveling solo tonight, but I'm still hungry. I was hoping that you could still feed me."

Host/Hostess: (with obvious look of relief): "Of course!!"

I've communicated that I'm dining alone, and not made it awkward for the host/ess to raise the question.

------

(And I really like the idea upthread about making notes in a notebook, or photographing the food....I'll have to try that out!)

braslvr

Not sure of your height, but at 5-11 I find just the opposite. Typical dining tables are uncomfortably low, and 99% of bars are the perfect height for 'real' eating. The only time I don't prefer a bar for eating comfort is when it's elbow to elbow crowded.

EuropeanPete

I usually go with "table for one, please".

Badenoch

What I dislike most about eating alone is the pace. On the road, on my own I am looking for sustenance not a protracted "dining experience." I find eating at the bar much better. Sit, get served, eat and drink, pay and off I go.

BadgerBoi

that's just being sneaky.

negs

Well, your method is certainly time-efficient, if you have a need to save the extra thirty seconds that my way takes.

My point is that for *some* people (even those working as a host or hostess), the question of solo dining *is* awkward, and if I can pro-actively help avoid that awkwardness with a lighthearted way to express that I'm by myself, then why not do it?

Should a host or hostess find a patron dining alone to be awkward to handle? No.

But, IME, sometimes they do. (Especially if they're young or inexperienced.) While that employee is there to serve me (that's a part of what I'm paying for), a bit of humor that suggests that I recognize their human dignity as a person goes a long way.

And please, before the flame wars start, I'm *not* suggesting that your way takes away from anyone's dignity. I just think that my way gives the opportunity to affirm another person a bit.

braslvr

Having dined alone several hundred times, I cannot remember even one time when there was any awkwardness on the part of any restaurant employee due to the fact that I was dining solo. I also have never noticed a reduced level of service. Often it's markedly better. I seriously wonder if this is a perception issue related to personal feelings about eating alone. I certainly have known many who do not like it, and a few who WILL NOT do it, to the point of missing a meal. Deep strong feelings on this issue for sure.

perthflyer

I'm a bartender/server and have worked in several different venues and have never encountered a colleague who has felt awkward or had any qualms when faced with a solo-diner. Personally, where I work now we have tables and a 10 seat bar. If a solo diner comes in, I'll be directing them to one of the tables if they are free, as like others have said in this thread, they are more conducive for dining. Most of the time they'll happily sit there, though sometimes they've requested to sit at the bar which is absolutely fine.

When I'm on the road and dining alone, I usually sit up at the bar if there is one as it allows me to converse with the staff more which I like as I'm a very chatty person.

The notion of needing to affirm the server/waiter/bartender could definitely be seen as condescending.

fourseasonsguy1

I had never dined alone back home (Canada) unless it was for breakfast and I had a newspaper, but being on exchange in France right now it's remarkable the amount of people you see alone. And not get in get get out kind of alone, but out there on the patio, slowly having a glass of wine with an entree. Made me feel a little more at ease. I find it interesting that people have said that high end is more awkward. For me it is less awkward, not only because it allows me to really slowly eat, taste all of the ingredients, and just focus on the food and the wine, but because it shows "Hey, I appreciate high quality food so much damned if if I can't get anyone else to go with me it's going to stop me". I kind of think it almost shows the staff that in a way, you're proud to be alone and not have anyone else take away from the experience (assuming this dining experience is more about the food than anything else) and that you went out of your way to go to them specifically. In one case, because I went alone and had made a reservation for one, I ended up with the best table in the entire restaurant with a stunning view. For all intents and purposes, I say this in reference to the Michelin starred restaurants I've been to alone, and based on what has been defined as high end in this thread so far it seems worth differentiating. I do agree with the point that in a busy establishment it is respectful in a way to eat at the bar should one be available. While we all have a right to a table, given that we live in a Capitalist system, we should respect the ebb and flow of the same system that puts money in our pockets to go out and dine. Sounds a little philosophical I know, but if I owned a restaurant I'd want people to do the same for me. This being said, I think in a way it's one of the ultimate tests of a waiter when you dine alone and take up a table for two, or even four. If the waiter provides me with the same level of service they would a full table and not resent me for potentially taking away from their tip on more bodies in his or her section, I'll respect that with a bigger tip to help keep the dine alone sentiment going.

VivoPerLei

Thinking of this thread right now - currently eating alone at the bar of Pollen Street Social. Great option for those times you can't plan ahead

ScatterX

These capture my thoughts pretty well. I have some friends that are lifers (>20 years) in the restaurant industry as both bartenders and servers and have dined solo about a thousand times. I've never heard a single person that had any significant issues with solo diners, with two exceptions. The first is restaurant staff needing to deal effectively with customers that have some major emotional problem about dining alone. The second is restaurant staff that don't like serving a single person because of reduced tips.

I've seen marvelous service, horrible service, and everything in between. Sometimes the server will go out of their way to be friendly/attentive and sometimes they are in a horribly rude, typically related to the "one person = small tip = rush them out ASAP" attitude.

^ (highlight mine)

IMO, people's self-esteem and insecurities about eating alone is the greatest factor. For example, a coworker feels everyone is looking at her a thinking she is a loser if she would dine alone. She thinks she's a loser too. The result is she refuses to dine alone unless there is no viable alternative. She won't even get take-out if she has to walk into a public place to get it. To avoid her emotional issues in these situations, she will get room-service, pick up drive-through crap, or grab something up at grocery store and literally hide in her room where nobody can see her eating alone. It's truly sad.

I just can't imagine why some people's self-esteem is so low that they will hide in their room and eat crap rather than be seen dining alone. I see this occasionally at restaurants when people respond to the "party of one" question by cowering and meekly saying "It's just me."

I love dining with others or alone. I prefer dining alone quite often; it allows me to focus on the food, time to think about whatever, and time to relax. Your approach is similar to mine. Regardless of how the conversion goes, I speak up, in a very pleasant/friendly/comical way, and proudly say I'm dining alone.

Funny story (to me at least)... I was dining alone on travel on valentine's day. I went to a nice place that was was clearly a spot for "couples" on that particular evening. While I was dressed very well, being a single diner made me stick out like a pink mammoth in drag. I don't remember well enough, but I may have been the only single diner there. This still wasn't an issue; the waiter and I had a good laugh about it and he enjoyed having a patron that wasn't a gooey romantic making endless annoying requests. It was dining business as usual for me, but I'm sure many people would freak out in a similar situation.

braslvr

I've seen all of the above too, but I've never noticed myself being treated poorly compared to other patrons in groups when I'm alone. Now on the other hand, I virtually never eat alone at places where dinner entrees cost more than $20-25. That could be a reason.

aa213bb

Interesting thread.

I've dined alone a fair number of times … everywhere from grubby, dives/bars to proper Michelin 3 star restaurants. That I can recall, I've never once found myself feeling uncomfortable, out of place, etc.

I'd say I usually receive service at least as good, if not better, than what I receive when dining out with others. At the nicer places, I typically find myself back in the kitchen having a chat with the chefs.

In terms of preference between a table or the bar, I go as the mood strikes me (where there are options).

TOMFORD

When yall are dining alone...do you prefer a seat that faces other folks or away from other folks? Assuming the restaurant has no view.

Cloudship

Facing folks. It is uncomfortable having your back to a large crowd. Likewise I hate sitting int he middle of a room.