Good. "We" too pay the same money as everyone else, (and more in the places we are regulars) and "we" don't actually care how you raise your daughter, just don't cause "us" to become unwilling participants in her rearing. If your parenting impinges upon me, then it actually is my business.

I'd personally prefer that ugly over-entitled people and their offspring not dine out with me, so we can at least agree on that point.

It was a Mexican family. If indeed that is considered culturally acceptable (none of the restaurant staff seemed to care) then maybe we won't be dining out much in Cancun anymore.

There are many cultured that are more tolerant of children. We found restaurants in Australia and NZ commonly had play areas for children. And not surprisingly we didn't see any tantrums there.

I cannot imagine this behavior being tolerated at a fine dining restaurant in the USA, but then again IME most managers seem more concerned about lawsuits than ensuring a pleasant experience.

No worries about that, being in a room with her does not make you a participant in her rearing, willing or otherwise. Unless you believe something "entitles" you to dictate the type of people who dine around you.

As I said, I really don't care how you bring up little Shay'laah-Joellina, just keep her out of everyone elses' hair and there'll be no problem. If you cause me to need to speak to a manager because of your failure to control her then you are making me a participant. And neither party really wants that, do we now.

But that's not what you said. I generally agree that kids should not disrupt other diners, and it's our responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen.

But you said this:

Meaning you don't want kids in the room with you, regardless of how they behave. I disagree with that.

I can live with you disagreeing with me. As a rule I don't eat out before at least 8 pm so I'm giving you lots of leeway to practice your parenting techniques in restaurants from my point of view. Other adults who like to eat earlier can fend for themselves.

So you do feel entitled to a child free dining experience, but only after 8, or you will grant me the ability to dine with my daughter after 8 as long as she doesn't bother you? I'm having a hard time keeping track of what you are trying to express here.

To return to the question in the thread title, this is what I have done in a similar circumstance involving not a temper tantrum but a bunch of wild kids running around the "fine dining" restaurant and screaming with no attempt at control by the parents:

Politely complain to waiter/waitress and hostess/host/manager.

Complain more insistently when nothing was done and ask to be moved to another table.

Ask for check immediately.

Insist again that I get the check immediately.

Stand up and state that I must leave immediately because the shrieking is giving me a headache.

Tell restaurant manager than except for the children, I would have ordered cheese, dessert, coffee, and after dinner drink. Make it very clear that by allowing the uncontrolled children, they are losing money.

Also tell manager that I intend to have a serious conversation about the incident with the hotel concierge who suggested the restaurant. Follow through to tell concierge that he should not send guests to such a badly managed restaurant regardless of the food quality.

Great point! I checked Wikipedia and learned all about this innovation. My post was in respect to certain times when you can't leave the kid at home (ie: a family party, etc). My post then went on to explain things can be done to keep the child quiet.
Thanks for the insight!

Sorry. Missed that this had been posted before.

There's a time and a place for everything.

I'm in general agreement with rjque, perhaps given our mutual time in locations with a rich, metropolitan dining environment. There are literally restaurants on every block that are both 'destination dining' worthy yet are still neighborhood restaurants and serve their local clientele, including families, old folks, couples and singles alike.

I contrast this with my experiences growing up in the Midwest, where there wasn't much in between 'fine dining' and family friendly chains.

I see no problem taking young children/toddlers out to these neighborhood places, but appreciate those who try to get in early not only because they don't want to keep the kids out late, but also respecting the notion that couples and singles are out later. Certainly, when children act up, it's incumbent upon the parent to remove the child from the situation until they're composed and able to return to the table.

And it should go without saying that French Laundry types of places with choreographed and drawn out types of service surrounded by people who are there almost exclusively for the experience, rather than just a good meal, are no places for young kids.

What is it about a family party that precludes the action of hiring a babysitter and leaving the kid home, if the kid is not yet sufficiently learned in the table manners required by the venue?

If you mean, it's a family party where everyone expects you to bring along even the smallest babies, so that everyone can enjoy holding and playing with them, then what precludes you from setting such a party in a venue where noisier kids are acceptable?

I think that it is all about choices. When you decide to have kids you have made a choice that sometimes you can't do things that people without kids can.
There are some places that are not appropriate for young children, no matter how well they are behaved.
Is it appropriate to have your kid at a bar? A rated R movie? While this might fit into your parenting style, it is generally seen as a no-no.
I think the problem lies in the fact that people don't feel they should sacrifice anything to be a parent anymore.

I implore you to stay focused on the original topic, which was to provide suggestions for dealing with the situation that is often encountered.

Admonishing a few of your fellow FTers to keep their children at home does not provide a meaningful solution.

That being said, you seem to be unable to understand that there are many many situations including the one described in my original post, where children cannot be left at home. Like when you are on vacation staying in a room that does not have room service or cooking facilities.

I understand that perfectly well, and as I've said multiple times in this thread alone, I am not admonishing people to keep their children at home EXCEPT when their children are not yet capable of behaving appropriately to the venue.

If your kids can behave appropriately to the venue, bring them. If they are NOT yet able to behave appropriately, either don't bring them or choose another venue where they are able to behave appropriately.

And we are, truly, dealing with the original topic right now - by informing folks that there are places where their children's behavior is innappropriate, we are attempting to heading off such temper tantrums and ruined meals before they begin.

But, I think possible courses of action have all been laid out:

1) Speak to the parents, ask them politely to take the child outside till he calms down
2) Complain to management and request that they instruct the parents to take the child outside till he calms down
3) Give up on the whole thing and leave the restaurant as soon as possible
4) Sit there and take it because children are our future and anyone who can't stand listening to other peoples' kids cry or squeal in a public place is a heartless monster