Henla

There are good reasons for spouses wishing to sit together. The obvious one is that they may wish to chat. The other is that it's more comfortable if in Y, as there's no issue of violating personal space like with a stranger. I'm not talking about invading someone else's space (I fit in my seat just fine). I'm speaking of the comfort level of such close quarters, especially if trying to use a laptop. This effect, in essence, increases space utilization and, thus, overall comfort level.

That being said, I actually agree with you that comfort of someone else isn't your problem. It's not my problem either, and no passenger can make me think it is, regardless of guilt-tripping. If I choose to make the swap (and I often do), it's my choice to make and no one else's.

Absolutely. One matters (how you see it). The other -- the pax making a switch request -- is completely irrelevant.

Aside from asking middle people to take the adjacent aisle seat (wife and I with aisle/window), I only asked for a seat swap once. I offered a gentleman an F aisle for an equivalent (only the seat holder can determine if it's equal) aisle. He said "no". I was cool with it and let him know. I said it's first and we all picked our seats for a reason, and I meant it. I think he was so taken aback by my honest lack of entitlement that he offered me his seat. I declined and he insisted.

If all such exchanges were polite, respectful, and contained no expectation or entitlement, it would be a lot smoother. I know I respond much better to that than to anything else.

miraclebear2003

My wife is insistent that we sit together. I'm sure she would make it apart, but we haven't wound up there, though it has been close.

We always select seats together so it's rarely a problem. Usually it's if we get upgraded to FC and there are no two seats together. Since her profile is window and mine is aisle, this gives us more flexibility to change.

I would never poach a seat, but one of us nicely asks if someone will change. We've gotten no and that's okay, but somebody has always accommodated us. We don't accept an upgrade if there is only one seat. We've had GA call us up and ask, but I always check the board, if there is one, to see if this situation might occur and I have gone up and told the GA we would not take one seat.

One time the next person on the upgrade list was standing there and we told her it was her lucky day. She was thankful and had drinks sent back to us.

MSPeconomist

Very nice. That's the way it should work.

JayTeaBee

I will never ask anyone to switch seats again after the following experience.
I was travelling business, so coach ticket.
I purchased my wife an FC award ticket.

My upgrade clears at gate. I'm row 5 aisle seat, wife is row 3 window seat. When we board I politely ask the row 3 aisle seat if she would mind moving back to row 5. She rudely declines stating her bag is in the overhead bin of row 3 and she needs access to her stuff in flight.

I accept her refusal (although it makes no sense to me) and moved back to row 5. It was at that point I decided I'll never ask again. I texted my wife a few choice words about the poor woman who had declined the swap and it turns out my wife's phone was placed on the armrest, unlocked, for them both to read. Opps!!

If that was you, I apologize for all the mean things I said, I just didn't get it.

CarmenOM

You don't have to get it; it was her choice.

But, row 3, if it's mid-cabin, is a safer bet on a flight with meal service.

miraclebear2003

So offer her the choice of which meal she wants when they get to you. Sometimes you can make it work.

ATOBTTR

So just out curiosity, why didn't you ask Row 5 window next to you if they would mind switching? Perhaps the person in the window next you would have been more accommodating to your request.

chgoeditor

Personally, I have some back and shoulder issues that seem exacerbated by sitting with my left shoulder to the aisle, but eased if I'm sitting with the right shoulder to the aisle. I've spent the last decades always taking seats on the port side of the plane, bus, train, etc.

HMO

May I ask why you didn't offer the wife's seat for your neighbor, the 5 window?

Sorry, but under my point of view, you didn't offer the best seat to trade.

JayTeaBee

That was the biggest lesson to me. It was her choice. You are absolutely right. Her reasons were exactly that, HERS. I didn't think it would be a big deal to access the overhead bin in row three from an aisle seat in row 5, but that was MY thought. (which I still believe to be true but doesn't matter).

Because after the first woman declined I decided that I was never going to ask anyone again. I felt like an idiot for even asking and didn't want to relive that moment. It was kind of like asking someone out on a date and being rejected. I didn't like it! haha

Now, that being said, I've swapped in both FC and coach many times when asked politely. Karma.

jamesteroh

Did you ask your seat mate in 5B or D to switch with you wife? That would have been the fairer trade.

If I were asked to switch from 5B to 3B, I would probably do it. But probably not 5B to 3B. If door 1 is used you get off the plane a little faster. If it's an even number flight you are going to be a lot more likely to get your meal choice if it's an even number flight (even if it's an odd since most FA's seem to take meal orders from the front now even on odd numbered flight).

Nothing wrong with asking, just don't get disappointed if the person refuses.

JayTeaBee

We posted at the same time so you'll see my response. I didn't ask anyone else. What's "fair" to you or I may not be to anyone else.

If the woman had declined because she would "get off the plane faster" or "get my meal choice" that would have made a bit more sense. Her excuse of needing to access her bag in the overhead while in flight did NOT make sense as with 3 extra steps she could have, even from the distant, unattractive, row 5!

I was disappointed she said no, and that's on me. It wasn't a big deal to sit apart. (at least I didn't think it was, which is why I also didn't think it would be a big deal for her to move back).

dzflyer

I have never been turned down....i always give the person the better part of the trade in first class when i want to sit with my wife or son and then load them up with free drink coupons as a gesture of good will

Crazyhotelguy

Yes, but had she said it was due to meal choice or to be faster off the plane, there are those that would not find those excuses comprehenfable either. They may mock or argue those points. Sometimes it's better not to give any excuse. In some people's perspective you are always wrong, just because you do not see things their way....

I would be more open to trade if more consideration seemed to exist. But once you are burnt, you tend to be leary of making the same mistakes twice.

Henla

This.

If I'm not okay with the seat change, that's it. I prefer not to invite a debate to justify my choice to keep my own seat. Beyond the unimpeachable, "sorry...I'm sitting next to my wife," or a short bereducation of why the swap is worse for me (1A? Sorry, I want legroom; C+ aisle for 33B?....LOL, but thanks for checking; etc.), I prefer a simple, "no thanks."