Proudelitist

I don't think there is such a thing as a polite request to change seats. It's an imposition and involves disturbing a stranger..no matter how nicely it is phrased. But to echo what another poster said, in 30+ years of flying no request from a parent to me has ever been polite or offered an equal or better seat.

I would also add that saying "No" to a request is not in itself rude or impolite. It can be, depending on how it is phrased..but declining a request is itself not rude. And even if done in a rude manner, it is still within the seat holders rights to decline the request.

If onlookers think I am being a jerk...they can offer their own seats rather than pass judgement. Oh, I have yet to see that as well.

GRALISTAIR

Situation 1 I would like to weigh in on this subject please. I vividly remember the first time it happened to me. It was CO21 MAN-EWR in 2005 and I had an exit row aisle in Y. A mother asked me/stated (sorry to say fathers tend to be more polite than mothers) "We are going to ask you to move for our son".
I asked "where is he sat?".
She pointed to him at least 8 rows back - non exit , middle or widow.
I replied " I really am sorry but I stay with one airline and book my flights well in advance exactly to avoid this situation. I love aisle exit row seats so I would like to stay here please." She huffed and puffed (northern Englander like myself) but after she kept tutting and "deliberately" hitting the back of my seat". I did not care - by then it was a matter of principle.

Situation 2- a thread a while ago - not experienced by me but another FTer. Sat in F and a soldier walks by and the guy next to him in F says to the other F passenger "see that " pointing to the soldier in uniform " why don't you give up your seat for him?" . The fellow F passenger said, " no thanks, why don't you give up YOUR seat for him?" Needless to say it did not happen.

Situation 3

Labor Day -actually the day after - my wife and I both got the UG to F BOS-CVG - no complaints. I sat in 3D and she was in 3B and another woman sat next to me in 3C. No way on earth would I ask nor would my wife. Fellow passenger starts chatting to me and conversation got round to where my wife was so I pointed to her right there next to you. Right away as it was aisle seat for aisle on the same row she immediately asked would like to sit together. I replied profusely thanking her that if it was no trouble that would be wonderful thanking her multiple times. EQUAL swap - not requested but offered all is good.

Situation 4 - I made someone's day - MSPEconomist would not be pleased but I did it anyway (have also done it the correct way too BTW - next medallion on the UG pecking order). On different PNRs I got an OpUp MSP-AMS. I accepted it but looked at my wife's face and she was not pleased. I told her not to worry I would sit with her. Went to the person sat next to her in Economy and asked if she would mind swapping seats with me so I could sit next to my wife. She asked where I was sitting - and I gave her my BP -the look on her face was priceless and of course she accepted. Offering a BETTER seat when you want to swap is extremely rare - but that is OK in my book .

Tizzette

There is a belief here that you can sugarcoat presumptuous seat swap requests with a gloss of niceties and call it polite. Politeness goes deeper than mouth service. You can't call breaking in line polite because you said sorry, excuse me in a pleasant tone of voice. You can't presume that you are not bothering somebody when you ask them to move just because you ask nicely. Having a good reason plays into whether it is considerate and polite to ask. Do you NEED to sit by your small child, or do you WANT to sit by your husband? Sometimes seat swappers really do need to ask, but mostly they don't.

MEMLawGuy

That is an absolute absurdity. Of course someone can "politely" ask if you might be willing to switch seats with them. Is it technically an imposition on you -- sure. You have to stand up and then move and then sit back down. As some here say: "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" You might even have to take your iPad out of the seat back pocket and move it too.

Of course you have every right to say no. And say no in whatever manner you choose. But painting the picture of you politely saying no as being proper and within your "rights" is a fallacy for supporting your assertion that there is no such thing as a polite request.

But if you can't be bothered to move from 3C to 2C because you consider the thought of even being asked impolite, then you must live a tough existence. Are you the same person who stakes out the spot right by the luggage belt at baggage claim and would refuse to move over to allow someone to claim their bag because their polite "excuse me, please" is an imposition on you to move over 2-3 steps? After all, you'll probably never see that person again, right?

PTravel

It is this attitude that I don't understand.

An intrusion is an imposition. Asking someone a favor is an intrusion. On the scale of nuisances, it is small, but what you don't seem to recognize is that it is not neutral. You also ignored both the poster's next sentence, as well a post in which I said the same thing: "In 30 years of frequent flying, I have never, not once, been asked politely by a parent to switch to a comparable or better seat." Are their parents out there who say, "I'm truly sorry to bother you, but the airline gave me and little girl separate seats. My seat is [an exit row/an aisle or window further up/in first class]. Would you consider switching me?" I certainly wouldn't be bothered by such a request. However, I've also never encountered one. And neither has the other poster.

Have you?

This hypothetical ever-so-polite parent with the much better seat for trade has nothing to do with reality or this thread. You might as well posit a pax looking to switch who offers $10,000 if you agree. Would almost all of us agree? Of course. Would we consider it impolite to have been asked? Of course not. Except that this never happens, either.

So enough with the, "what kind of person thinks it's impolite to ask?" Our point is that, almost always, the person doing the asking is rude, entitlement-demanding and argumentative. Knowing this, I certainly cringe when someone asks me to swap (and I can think of only one occasion when, in fact, I was asked politely, offered a bulkhead F in exchange for my row 2 F, and, when I explained, politely, that I would decline because I didn't like bulkhead, said, "No problem. Thanks, anyway." This, by the way, was a man flying with his wife, and not a parent).

Howste

How do you know that he wasn't a parent?

PTravel

Oy vey. Okay: He wasn't looking to swap seats so he could sit next to his small child.

MEMLawGuy

I think you just made my point for me. I'm not arguing that "most" people who request to swap don't do it for selfish reasons or go about it in an antagonizing manner. I'm only pointing out that OP's hard-line stance that ANY request is impolite and a burden so it will always be met with a "no" response is ridiculous.

Just because OP hasn't encountered a polite request to swap doesn't mean that -- in OP's own words -- "such a thing as a polite request" doesn't exist because it, by its very nature, "involves disturbing a stranger" is an absurd way to justify the position of not ever entertaining the thought of swapping a seat.

Your points, FWIW, regarding the overall reality of the situation and what most people would do are valid, IMO. Again, I'm just pointing out the hard line stance of OP that any and all requests are impolite because they involve disturbing someone. OP seems to have a problem with simply being asked, and I think that's preposterous.

You can't justify or judge the "politeness" of the situation by what is being offered. You asked would people consider it impolite to swap if the person asking offered you $10,000 to do so? You said "of course not." Of course it could be, though. If you walked up your seat in 2B and someone was sitting in it and told you he decided he'd rather sit there instead and asked you to "f-off" to his seat in 34E and said here's $10k for your trouble -- handing you cash. Would you take it? I would. Was that an impolite request? Yes.

So the end doesn't always justify the means and vice versa.

My point being that OP saying there is no such thing as a polite request BECAUSE it is a burden is ludicrous. OP has painstakingly made it clear that seat swap requests are not to be entertained because of that mindset, and I think that's silly. Just MHO.

Proudelitist

As another poster illustrated, no matter how polite the language used, the unchangeable fact that it is an imposition of a more than minimal degree (unlike your baggage claim example using false equivalence) to a complete stranger makes it impolite. Like cutting in line but saying "excuse me" while doing it. It may not put you out much to be cut by one position in line..the person may be nice..but they are still cutting in line and the matter of principle comes up.

No, I won't switch from 2C to 3C...and I don't need to justify it. I shouldn't be arsed to move if I don't want to. It's not a tough existence by any means to stay where you are and remain settled. It's easier. The requestors problem is not my problem and by not having it effect me, I have an easier existence.

PTravel

I think it's perfectly fine to rely on past experience in deciding whether to entertain a swap request or not. If 100% of the time, a swap request has been either rude, to a worse seat, or both, I think it's quite fine to say, "no" without further inquiry.

Again, if 100% of the time the OP has treated rudely or selfishly, there's nothing wrong with assuming that the next request will just be more of the same.

Well, I guess I don't. My motto when I fly is: "Don't disturb me and I won't disturb you." Like most FFs (even though I don't frequent fly anymore), I want to get to my seat, settle in, and not be bothered until we land (except for liquor service). As soon as I sit down, my music player comes out, my Bose phones go on, and I do everything I can to "enter the zone" where I'm totally isolated from my surroundings, lost in the music and, with luck, I can fall asleep. I don't want anyone asking me anything UNLESS it's the FA asking if I want a PDB. Anyone who disturbs me, even just to ask politely for a swap, is an unwanted intrusion and disturbance. If the offer is good, I'll ignore the presumption. If it's not, I'm pissed though the extent to which I show it will vary.

Of course I can. It's the difference between responding, "Oh, sure, I'll switch," or "You've got to be kidding. No way."

I would, too. And I wouldn't care whether it offered politely or impolitely. However, that NEVER happens. What often happens is you walk up to your seat in 2B, someone is sitting it, and tells you he'd rather sit there instead and tells you to f-off to his seat in 34E. Period. There have been plenty of threads about exactly that on FT.

Sometimes it does. As W.C. Fields said, albeit in an entirely different context, "We've already determined what you are. Now we're just haggling about the price." My price for a seat swap from F to Y is $10,000.

Well, sorry, but I don't agree. As I said, asking for a favor is an intrusion, an intrusion is an imposition, and impositions are impolite. The extent to which it's impolite may vary, and many, even most, requests may represent an de minimus amount of impoliteness (impolitey? what's the word?). When, after 3 decades as an FF, I've found that seat swap requests are always problematic, I think it's perfectly fine to react negatively to any inquiry.

thesaints

Yeah! What kind of a person dares to ask the time of the day, or even say "good morning" to a stranger ? Even a smile, or looking up in an elevator is kind of intrusive. After all is not like if we lived in a society with all the relative disadvantages.

MEMLawGuy

Your repeated references to false equivalencies are not entirely accurate and a red herring from the overall point I'm making.

I'm not saying you're out of line for saying no. To each their own. But your justification of saying no because all requests are impolite because they somehow "impose" on you is totally bogus.

In fact, if the imposition is that you want to "stay where you are and remain settled" because it's "easier", then you should welcome the exact situation I posed, with one minor modification, --- you approach 3C only to see someone already there and they politely ask you before you get to the seat if you wouldn't mind taking 2C so they can sit with their travel companion. Look at that! You don't have to move any further. You save steps. You don't even have to get up and then sit back down. Now that's "easier." But you're saying you're going to say no because THAT request is an imposition on you?

Unless you are diagnosed OCD or have some superstition about sitting in 3C that you must appease (and maybe you do, and that's certainly a legit reason -- but not what you've said), then refusing the request simply because it was made is, IMHO, rather petty and baseless. But if that's how you want to treat people, have at it. You know what they say...

MEMLawGuy

I'm done. I've made my points. I'll close with:

1) You don't always know what's behind a door until you open it.

and

2) A live shot of this thread:

PTravel

Apropos of what I wrote above in my earlier post:

https://www.flyertalk.com/forum/28926033-post197.html

GatorBlues

In claiming that they've never been asked politely to switch, some of our posters are being disingenuous, are incredibly unlucky, or are hyper-prone to be offended. I've been asked politely many times, and at least half the time, the offered seat was equal. In 25 years of flying, only once or twice have I been offended by the asker's approach. Moreover, the cited examples of obnoxious requests do not prove that all requests are rude. They prove only that rude requests are rude.