sanclementeviajera

In Latin America and certain southern European countries, making eye contact does indeed bring unwelcome attention. Latin American women as well as Asian women have perfected the blank stare look as well at looking straight ahead and appearing not to see anything.

lyrastar

I agree, I do not make eye contact. I was just in NYC and walked with purpose, knew where I was going (or acted like I did). If I needed to consult my phone for a map, I stepped inside a store so I could check without standing still on the street obviously looking at a map. If you have problems with eye contact (if you do it out of habit) you could try sunglasses. I looked so "local" that I had tourists asking me directions. Helps a lot to research the area before you go (I knew how to use the buses and subways) and to observe whenever possible so you can act like those around you.

In regards to a guy approaching a single girl... I agree with both sides. I appreciate help, but it's all in the approach. If I don't look like I need help, I don't want ANYone approaching me, especially someone who looks stronger. If I do look like I need help, I appreciate direct questions, direct help, and no lingering. It's not that I hate the entirety of the human race, but one misjudgment in an interaction can have dire consequences and it's just not worth it.

kcupp95

Google maps or download map "apps" on your phone also great for avoiding looking like a tourist. Just pull out your phone and you'll blend right in hehe

Annalisa12

I've had a few dodgy taxi drivers who I know are trying to take me the long way or have said they'd like to 'negotiate' the fair for certain 'favours'. If a cab driver asks if this is my first trip I say no. I have also said that I am off to meet my sister and brother in law who live in the city I am visiting.

At Cairo airport, after two guys tried to tell me that my ride probably wasn't coming as it was too hot and I should go with them. I said "it was hotter last week, and I am used to it...oh here is my friend now (which was not true)". They said.."are they a local" and when I said yes, they just walked off.

HelloKittysMum

I had a very lucky escape in Vietnam (on a business trip) when a woman befriended me in the hotel lobby and then "bumped" into me the next day at church; what started as having lunch together ended up going to her cousin's for lunch (she claimed to ge visiting from London and had given me her business card which was probably bogus) where I was dragged into a gambling scam like this one http://johnnyvagabond.com/featured/poker-scam-saigon/. Fortunately the food which I think was drugged I didn't eat (I only ate a tiny bit off the shared plate) and as soon as the business man (mine was supposedly a gay guy from Brunei) turned up to gamble I decided against it but said "my friend" could do it. Of course she didn't but insited on going back to my hotel with me so I couldnt make a mote of where we were. Checked with hotel manager and no one of her name was a guest in the hotel and I'd had a lucky escape. When I was back thrre yhe next month hotel manager told me an Australian had got stung fot acfew thousand dollars.

redtailshark

Maybe there are occasions when this politeness reflex should be mediated. But this is one of the American female's most valuable qualities. American girls travel far, they are bold, they are social and most often helpful ^ These are great qualities yet often among other cultures, American culture/behaviors can be publicly, snootily and hypocritically denigrated. However, even in the louche Bohemian cultures of UK academic towns, where anti-Americanism is high fashion, there's a secret admiration and even envy of the openness and ease with which Americans mingle. Unguarded directness is a part of this charm.

As long as you're comfortable with who you are, why not stand your ground? IME American females are generally good at this, too.

Maybe some people think these qualities are a come on... I suppose I did meet Ms.Shark this way...oops! Other strong American qualities are...well, numerous.... I can't say here

I often talk with American females at various points on the road and they are most often good company for these reasons. It's a shame when this openness is sequestered by fear.

But maybe it also takes time to understand the operating context and associated risk. Arab cultures, for sure, can pose problems and it has to be done differently. It's also very personal. Some women can make eye contact with everyone and radiate such self-assurance and don't think of themselves as targets. Even in Arab cultures, these guys move around effortlessly and without more than normal casual verbal abuse. You think such locals can intimidate Christiane Amanpour? Others don't understand the limits and oscillate between naievite and paralytic fear that imprisons them.

As for French women...hmmm..... zut alors! They do carry themselves differently and project a different, much less sociable aura. And not all French women are, well, French.... there's a hardcore "Parisian" working in my office and she's not from France....@:-)

flyquiet

Not wanting to snap at helpful intent, but I think one of the important qualities of this thread is the sharing of women's experiences. I am guessing that your partner Ms. Shark makes you not a Ms. yourself, not that there's anything wrong with that. However, I think men for all their own redeeming qualities don't always understand the lived experience of women, particularly women on their own when unaccompanied by said men. With all due respect, and not meaning this to be snappy at all, I am not interested in how men think my experience should be, how I should perceive it, how I should conduct myself. I get the same thing with hearing people giving me advice about how to be a more effective deaf person. Good one: "stand your ground". While you're at it, if you want to be wealthy, simply "buy low, sell high". That advice, for all its good intent and broad validity, is missing a fundamental piece, which is direct and authentic knowledge of what I have lived through and what resources I have, in relation to actually executing on a day to day, moment by moment basis. I don't think it is incumbent on anyone to live up to the performance benchmark of Christiane Amanpour or anyone else, male or female, nor does it take away from any woman to choose to be conservative rather than daring, nor is it helpful to label conservative practices as "paralytic fear that imprisons them".

cbn42

If you want advice on something, it is best to take it from someone who has accomplished what you are trying to accomplish, rather than someone who has direct knowledge of your situation. If I am a student and I want to become a lawyer, I speak to someone who has already become a lawyer and can tell me what to do in order to succeed. He/she may not be able to sympathize with my current situation, but he can tell me what he did in order to get where he is. I don't take advice from another student who can understand my situation and sympathize with me but who has no clue about law.

Being in a male-dominated field (engineering) I have seen plenty of women struggle to fit in with their groups. Those that are successful are the ones that take advice from their male colleagues and supervisors about the best way to communicate and interact with others. Those that take advice from their girlfriends and sisters usually don't get very far.

flyquiet

As a woman with a PhD in engineering, I take my mentors where I find them. But we're not talking about professional development here. We're talking about not getting mugged in the streets of a strange country, or not getting ripped off by unscrupulous service providers. What a man can do won't necessarily work for a woman. The experiences of other women who have successfully negotiated the situation can be informative. Clearly, I am not talking about a bunch of novice travellers sharing their fears. We're presumably coming here so novices can pose questions to WOMEN who have negotiated the situation. Comments about the "charm" of American women and remarks like "zut alors" don't really come across as being practical tips on what would work for US as women. It comes across as what men think would be charming and appealing for us to do.

cbn42

I know there are differences, but I don't think they are as large as you make them seem. Men can be mugged, robbed and ripped off as well. Other than a narrow category of sex crimes, men are equally vulnerable to everything women are.

Is there some prohibition on men posting in this section of the forum?

Your last comment comes across as implying that men view women as sex objects. Most men don't think that way, especially while traveling. Did you consider that "charm" may be something that helps you enjoy your own travels and meet other people (of both genders)? "Charm" isn't simply something that women use to seduce men, and I'm not sure what makes you see it that way.

I don't mean to tell women what to do, because I haven't walked a mile in their shoes. However, from my perspective, many women are irrationally paranoid about their safety and this only hurts themselves. If that's how they want to travel, then so be it. But if they come here for advice, they should be given different perspectives.

flyquiet

As to whether men could get mugged in Timbuktu, well sure they could. And a thread on "Any travel tips for going to Timbuktu?" would be super. This is a thread on "Any travel tips for women?" I read that as equivalent to "travel tips specific to women that may not be things that men would think of, practice, or recommend as gender neutral advice". If you're saying there is nothing specific to the lived experience of women as distinct from men, then why not just have a thread called "Any travel tips?" and close this one?

I am not speaking for anyone but myself, but I regard this thread as a self-help thread, which inherently is a woman-to-woman conversation. Self-help isn't even peer advising; it's making one's own decisions after absorbing the experiences of others in SIMILAR circumstances. Leaving aside whether there is anything a woman can get out of wisdom that might be shared by men, I don't know what a man gets out of posting in this thread.

And whether charm can be just interpersonal grace, and not flirtation, that's not how I read it in the whole ooh-la-la in the post earlier. (strong American qualities ... numerous... can't say here" ...??)

I should say that when I travel, virtually all of my interaction is with men, and indeed, I endeavour to be as charming as I can. But I never forget I have vulnerabilities they don't have, and again, speaking only for myself and not other women in the thread, it doesn't sit well with me to be labelled "irrationally paranoid" regardless of the choices I make.

cbn42

I never said there is "nothing specific"to the experience of women, in fact I very clearly said the exact opposite. I said "I know there are differences".


Earlier in this thread (posts 24-25) the moderator informed me that men are welcome to post here. However, given the hostility I have experienced, I probably won't be posting here much any more.


Sorry it doesn't "sit well" with you. As I said, it is my opinion from my own perspective. But in most parts of the world (outside of the Middle East and India) I don't think there is any statistical evidence to suggest that women are more at risk while traveling than men, so I think my opinion is rational.