Funniest inflight announcements
Dec 6, 2018, 10:16 pm
#18
Join Date: May 2001
Location: HNL
Posts: 1,015
Please stay seated with your seatbelts on until we come to a complete stop. For those of you needing extra assistance, we'll have electric chairs waiting for you. CARTS. Electric CARTS. We'll have electric carts waiting for you.
Dec 6, 2018, 10:44 pm
#19
Senior Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: San Francisco, CA
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Since most of the discussion is about other airlines than United or its Express carriers, let's open this up to a broader audience. Please follow the thread to the TravelBuzz forum. Ocn Vw 1K, Moderator.
Dec 6, 2018, 11:34 pm
#20
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: PHX, SEA
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Posts: 4,422
On a small plane - I think American Eagle because I was in Philly at the time.
"I know you are all aware how to use a seatbelt, but I went to school to remind you, so please pay attention."
"I know you are all aware how to use a seatbelt, but I went to school to remind you, so please pay attention."
Dec 7, 2018, 12:54 am
#21
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: DXB
Programs: TK Elite Plus
Posts: 413
Not sure it's categorised as funny. But some years ago on a Kenya Airways flight NBO-AMS, after the usual "we will begin our descent to AMS shortly, weather is bla bla.." they announced this.. Not kidding..
"We apologise to the passengers that didn't get food served. Unfortunately our ground staff did not supply us with enough portions for this flight".
I did get food, though. Thank God. This wasn't exactly a short flight.
"We apologise to the passengers that didn't get food served. Unfortunately our ground staff did not supply us with enough portions for this flight".
I did get food, though. Thank God. This wasn't exactly a short flight.
Dec 7, 2018, 7:24 am
#22
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: STL
Posts: 1,546
Flying STL-DAL during Game 6 of the 2011 World Series, we landed in the bottom of the 9th, and the DAL-based flight attendant said "Welcome to Dallas, home of the World Series champion Texas Rangers!"
I didn't find it funny at the time, but found it hilarious a couple hours later, and even more hilarious 24 hours later. Baseball fans will understand why
I didn't find it funny at the time, but found it hilarious a couple hours later, and even more hilarious 24 hours later. Baseball fans will understand why
Dec 7, 2018, 7:34 am
#23
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Somewhere
Programs: Delta Plat
Posts: 3,363
Back in 2010 February 7th I believe flying SFO to JFK on Delta there was a snowstorm in NY they were making us circle the airport. about 30 minutes goes by and the captain come son and says
"There is an opening coming up, we should be landing shortly after the jetblue flight ahead of us lands."
few minutes later he says
"Welp folks that JetBlue flight landed and you know if they can do it we can do it better"
"There is an opening coming up, we should be landing shortly after the jetblue flight ahead of us lands."
few minutes later he says
"Welp folks that JetBlue flight landed and you know if they can do it we can do it better"
Dec 7, 2018, 9:54 am
#24
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: VPS
Programs: IHG Diamond, Delta PM, Hilton Gold, Accor Gold, Marriott Silver
Posts: 7,269
If your sense of humour is as dry as mine is- while in a holding pattern and waiting to get landing clearance for Manchester, UK
"Well folks, the fog is finally lifting. More good news is that we're low enough on fuel that the tower has given us priority for one of the first landing slots.'
Um, thanks for oversharing, American pilot?
"Well folks, the fog is finally lifting. More good news is that we're low enough on fuel that the tower has given us priority for one of the first landing slots.'
Um, thanks for oversharing, American pilot?
Dec 7, 2018, 11:47 am
#25
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Location: San Francisco, CA
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My all-time favorite is from United, many years ago, when meals were complimentary in first and economy. IIRC, on a SFO->ORD flight:
"In case of a water landing, your breakfast omelette selection may be used as a flotation device."
"In case of a water landing, your breakfast omelette selection may be used as a flotation device."
Dec 7, 2018, 11:59 am
#26
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Traveling the World
Posts: 6,075
I was on a Southwest flight and the flight attendant said" Oxygen masks have been filled with our famous peanuts" In case of a depressurization grab those Oxygen masks with your prize" Oh and by the way place the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally the mask may not inflate but you will be getting 100 percent H20 and some nuts to spare.
After helping yourself then help other passengers begging for their fair share of Honey Roasted Almonds and Fresh Air cause we'll be outta thin air"!
Another Southwest flight In the 1000 percent unlikely event of a water evacuation between San Jose CA and Phoenix "Safety Flotation Devices were made for swimming so once down the waterslide start swimming and those rafts were made for sailing. Take out a map and count the number of bodies of water we will cross over.
On an America West Airbus 320 while parked at the gate the automated seatbelt sign message came on with a French male that said"Please Fasten Your Seatbelts". Never heard this on an Airbus flight before in the US.
On Delta They said "Sorry we ran out of the Biscoff Cookies but we can give you Biscough Drops made from 100 percent love".
On a Horizon Air flight the Flight Attendant said" Please turn off those cellphone receivers and other transmitting devices and yes including the ones from the company that rhythms with Horizon and begins with a V". Can you hear me now? Airplane Mode is da code LOL
After helping yourself then help other passengers begging for their fair share of Honey Roasted Almonds and Fresh Air cause we'll be outta thin air"!
Another Southwest flight In the 1000 percent unlikely event of a water evacuation between San Jose CA and Phoenix "Safety Flotation Devices were made for swimming so once down the waterslide start swimming and those rafts were made for sailing. Take out a map and count the number of bodies of water we will cross over.
On an America West Airbus 320 while parked at the gate the automated seatbelt sign message came on with a French male that said"Please Fasten Your Seatbelts". Never heard this on an Airbus flight before in the US.
On Delta They said "Sorry we ran out of the Biscoff Cookies but we can give you Biscough Drops made from 100 percent love".
On a Horizon Air flight the Flight Attendant said" Please turn off those cellphone receivers and other transmitting devices and yes including the ones from the company that rhythms with Horizon and begins with a V". Can you hear me now? Airplane Mode is da code LOL
Last edited by danielonn; Dec 7, 2018 at 12:10 pm
Dec 7, 2018, 12:19 pm
#28
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Traveling the World
Posts: 6,075
Here is some more:
On an American Eagle Jet arriving into Santa Fe New Mexico" Welcome to Santa Fe the Exclusive luxurious private casita Famport thats smaller than my house where there are only a few checkin counters, restrooms located outside of security, and the same checkin counter staff mans the gate". If your luggage is delayed its because we are all at The Shed or The Plaza Cafe 12 miles away". Go and grab some Hatch Chili peppers and we'll be with you soon. We hope to see you again but until then have an Enchanted Time".
Arriving on Alaska Airlines from SEA into the International Terminal.
"Welcome to SFO where the local time is 8 :00 PM we have lost 0 hours and its still Saturday April XXX 2018". We will be taxing for a few moments so please stay seated with your seatbelts fastened and as items may have shifted during landing and taxing please be careful when opening those overhead bins.
As SFO is your first point of entry into the United States you will be clearing Immigration and Customs here. Please have your documents ready for the Immigration Officer. Once clearing immigration proceed to the baggage claim and then Customs . If you are transferring to another Alaska Airlines flight or other flight please turn left and ffor those staying in San Francsico you will turn right after Customs".
LOL We were arriving into the Alaska International Terminal and after this funny announcement the flight attendant explained how Alaska operates at different Terminals Concourse A being one of them!
On an American Eagle Jet arriving into Santa Fe New Mexico" Welcome to Santa Fe the Exclusive luxurious private casita Famport thats smaller than my house where there are only a few checkin counters, restrooms located outside of security, and the same checkin counter staff mans the gate". If your luggage is delayed its because we are all at The Shed or The Plaza Cafe 12 miles away". Go and grab some Hatch Chili peppers and we'll be with you soon. We hope to see you again but until then have an Enchanted Time".
Arriving on Alaska Airlines from SEA into the International Terminal.
"Welcome to SFO where the local time is 8 :00 PM we have lost 0 hours and its still Saturday April XXX 2018". We will be taxing for a few moments so please stay seated with your seatbelts fastened and as items may have shifted during landing and taxing please be careful when opening those overhead bins.
As SFO is your first point of entry into the United States you will be clearing Immigration and Customs here. Please have your documents ready for the Immigration Officer. Once clearing immigration proceed to the baggage claim and then Customs . If you are transferring to another Alaska Airlines flight or other flight please turn left and ffor those staying in San Francsico you will turn right after Customs".
LOL We were arriving into the Alaska International Terminal and after this funny announcement the flight attendant explained how Alaska operates at different Terminals Concourse A being one of them!
Last edited by danielonn; Dec 7, 2018 at 12:34 pm
Dec 7, 2018, 11:27 pm
#29
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: SSA / BSL
Programs: M&M FTL, BA Silver
Posts: 11
Back in the days when smoking was still allowed:
"... please stop smoking now - and for the rest of your life."
After a bit of confusion due to 2 passengers having the same seat assigned, the following announcement came through:
"Welcome to flight ... from DEN to SFO. Please make sure you are on the correct flight, cause it's a lot easier to get you off the plane while we're still on the ground..."
"... please stop smoking now - and for the rest of your life."
After a bit of confusion due to 2 passengers having the same seat assigned, the following announcement came through:
"Welcome to flight ... from DEN to SFO. Please make sure you are on the correct flight, cause it's a lot easier to get you off the plane while we're still on the ground..."
Dec 8, 2018, 8:11 am
#30
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: MAN
Programs: FB Platinum
Posts: 500
Arriving in MAN on Aer Lingus circa 1992; "Welcome to Dusseldorf... a very different looking Dusseldorf... where are we?... hehe... Welcome to Manchester, hope you have a better morning than I seem to be having"