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Funniest inflight announcements

Funniest inflight announcements

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Old Dec 6, 18, 2:15 pm
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Funniest inflight announcements

I couldn't find an existing thread but I had to laugh at this one on yesterday's YUL-ORD Republic flight, from excellent FA Bonnie.
"...To enhance the appearance of your cabin crew, we are going to dim the cabin lights for taxi and take-off..."
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Old Dec 6, 18, 2:33 pm
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Long ago when airlines were in tough financial shape:

We know you have a choice of bankrupt airlines, and we thank you for choosing ours.
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Old Dec 6, 18, 4:00 pm
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We know that everyone of you knows how to fasten and unfasten a seat belt, but we still have to tell you that, to fasten, insert the metal fitting into the buckle, adjust to fit snugly with the loose end of the strap and simply lift the buckle release to unfasten.
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Old Dec 6, 18, 4:05 pm
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On a flight from IAH-AMA: “In the extremely unlikely event that we have to make a water landing on this flight across West Texas...”
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Old Dec 6, 18, 4:17 pm
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From the mid '80s IIRC.

Welcome to Salt Lake City. Please set your watches back fifty years
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Old Dec 6, 18, 4:33 pm
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We have arrived 30 minutes ahead of schedule so please consider that banked for any future delays you may experience.
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Old Dec 6, 18, 4:34 pm
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Thank you for letting ****Air take you for a ride
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Old Dec 6, 18, 4:36 pm
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When you hear “brace brace” out your head between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye
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Old Dec 6, 18, 5:24 pm
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The start of the life vest announcement: "This aircraft is capable of landing on water, once."
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Old Dec 6, 18, 7:12 pm
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"In the event of cabin depressurization oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling above. If you find yourself in the washroom two oxygen masks will fall. Don't wonder why there are two oxygen masks, but put just one of them on"
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Old Dec 6, 18, 7:18 pm
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After a VERY heavy landing.
”Welcome to Singapore where the local time is 7pm.
As the captain taxis what’s left of this aircraft to the terminal we request all passengers remain seated........”
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Old Dec 6, 18, 7:27 pm
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1) Pilot, after rough landing: "As you can tell, we just hit town."

2) FA as taxiing to gate after landing: "Please keep your seat belt on while taxiing to the gate. We'd hate to have you arrive at the terminal before the rest of the plane."
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Old Dec 6, 18, 7:33 pm
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On landing (JetBlue): "We are seeking volunteers to help clean the cabin after we reach the gate. If you would like to volunteer, please stand up before the airplane has come to a complete stop."
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Old Dec 6, 18, 8:31 pm
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West Jet Captain - During the flight as we can't get a vending machine through the door the Flight attendants will be serving you a range of beverages
FA comeback - Thanks captain...... ,does everyone on board know the difference between a pilot and god ? ...... god doesn't think he is a pilot
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Old Dec 6, 18, 9:07 pm
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Originally Posted by ss278 View Post
From the mid '80s IIRC.

Welcome to Salt Lake City. Please set your watches back fifty years
I had the same announcement on a flight into Winnipeg on UA.
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