Hello,

I apologize if this question has been answered before; a cursory search of the forums did not return the answers I'm looking for.

In an alternative to permanent relocation for work, I am considering a weekly commute from Colorado to NY, where I'd fly out for work Sunday night on the red-eye, and return home either Thursday or Friday evening.

I am looking for input from others who commute or travel 100%, and what kind of pressure this puts on oneself and their family (two young children, and a wife who works 4 days a week).

I am also looking for more tactical / logistic info, like airline preferences in terms of low base fairs, available upgrades, and FF programs, and resources for ride sharing/car pooling, if anyone has suggestions.

Many thanks,

Adam

Welcome to FlyerTalk, CO_commuter!!

Do you have any status on any airline? Which airline has the red-eye to NYC from DEN?

As far as upgrades, UA has a program called Unlimited Domestic Upgrades, or UDU. As long as your are an elite member, you will have an upgrade request automatically placed for you. If seats are available, you will be given one, free of charge!

Be prepared to be permanently tired. Just the weekly travel will be exhausting and the time change will reek havoc on your body. Your red-eye flight will leave you tired for work on Monday and by the time you catch-up, it will be time to do it all over again.

Can it be done? Absolutely. Just be aware that you may/will become exhausted after several months, and not even realize it.

There will also be real relationship issues. This months Reader's Digest has an article about this. Might be worth picking up to get some other viewpoints.

I have done this between Washington, D.C. and Mississippi for sevent and half years and between Washington, D.C. and Newport news for one year. It puts a lot of pressures. I commuted to NNS, VA by car. I remember many incidents when my son would run along on the side walk crying "Daddy, don't leave me alone". I would stop and talk to him to comfort him. But when I would try to leave, he would cry again. It broke my heart every Sunday. My two children at that time were a five yr old and a six month old. Between MS and DCA, I flew. Flying out on Sunday nights was a sad event full of tears. Some weekends, when I could not get a cheap fare in advance, I was so determined to come home that I drive 1100 miles each way to visit my family just long enough to shower, play with the kids, eat, sleep, get up, play with the children and then get on the road to get to work Monday morning at 8:00 a.m.
It disrupts family life completely. My wife and the kids flew to be with me in MS, where I had an apartment, when they had school holidays, such as Christmas. Thanksgiving, spring break, summer vacation or other long weekends. They missed doing things with their friends, Sometimes they left DC a day or two before the break to beat the holiday rush, which they missed Christmas party, or last day at school party with their friends. They missed soccer matches, Boy Scout events. I missed their events. My children grew up without me.
I gave that job up when I became homeless after Katrina.
BY the time I came home my older son was a teenager. I missed his childhood completely My younger son asked me, "Daddy, when are you going to Mississippi?". I told him that I wasn't going back. He was sooo happy. and surprised as all he had seen in his entire life was Daddy going away and coming home periodically. "Really Daddy?", "Really really Daddy?", "Really really really Daddy?" "Really really really really Daddy?"

One stormy evening the tree in the front yard fell on the corner of our roof. I couldn't get a flight to get home right away. My wife handled everything by herself. Mowing, snow shovelling, appliance breakdowns, you name it. When I came home, on Friday nights, she would drag kids oiut of the ebd and drive with them to the airport to pick me up. During the weekenbd, it was doing my laundry and then back to the airport again. Some weekends, instead of me coming home, we all went to Europe, as Going to Europe was not that m,ich more expensive than me coming to DC. We akll became Platinums. When I look back, I am sorry that we did it this way. MY wife did not want to move to Mississippi. Even after Katrina, I hung on for 7 more months while I was homeless.
You won;t be home to hug your children every day. When they are upset, you won;t be their to comfort them. You will have very little role in their life. You won;t be there to comfort your wife when the hot water breaks down.

Even if the pay is so good that you could come home anytime even in the middle of the week, regardless of the cost, still you will miss precious days and moments with your children and your wife, when they might need you the most.
Think about it very very hard.

When my wife and I got married we lived outside london and I used to do a drive/train commute to LHR where I would then commute out to wherever I was working. When we decided to have a family we moved to Belfast where my family was (she is from Florida US) so she could have a bit of a support network. For the past 8 years I have been commuting out from BHD to LHR and then onwards if I a going out of the UK.

What I would say, if you can tolerate it, is that you consider breaking up the week rather than taking a block of days. So, for example, I will fly out on the early redeye to London on a Monday, stay over mon and back Tuesday night. Work form home Wednesday and then repeat on Thurs/Fri. This way its just two nights away although I get home late two nights.

Not sure what age your kids are but if they are over about 4 then get em a webcam and skype as much as possible. Its a poor pleasure for adults but kids love it.

having said all this, don't overlook the impact this will have on your family. A few years ago my wife noticed my daughter, then 5, walking to our gate on the road with an accordian. When she went and asked what our girl was up to she responded that she was going to busk to "earn money so daddy doesn't have to go away so much". It doesn't get much more heartbreaking than that.

My Father did one from New York to Durham, NC for the better part of three years. He would take a 6 AM flight from his house in NC to New York on Monday then return to NC on Thursday or Friday evening. At least once every two months something would go wrong and he'd get stuck in New York losing a day. It was very tiring on him but it strengthened my parents marriage.

I think he appreciates retirement now more than most as that's over. Plus, he got to be EXP for the first and only time in his life during 2006-2008.

Most of the points I was going to make have already been mentioned, so I’ll try to make this brief.

Anyone considering this lifestyle should read Yaatri's post a few times. This is the reality you will face. I think he is lucky to have such an understanding wife, as I bet most spouses would not endure it that long. And the kids will say things like that and it will tear you up. There is nothing that can be done about that except not to go. My 8 year old stepdaughter said to me a few weeks ago “can’t you just tell your boss you aren’t going?” She has also made the comments about making money so that I wouldn’t have to leave.

I commuted weekly (Denver to DC) for about 4 months last year and it was not a fun lifestyle. You do get exhausted – and the redeye on a weekly basis will make it that much worse. I would not expect you to be able to endure that for more than a couple of months before you crack and either start flying out earlier on Sunday (which isn’t good as it cuts into family/home time) or flying on Monday (which, if you can swing it with work, is WAY better).

But the brutal reality of it for me was this: Even when not taking a redeye, you’re constantly exhausted; you’re a lot less productive because you’re exhausted (the uninterrupted time on the plane, if you can use it to work, helps make up for this, but if you’re taking a redeye, that’s probably out); you’ll be in a constant state of low level jetlag from changing 2 time zones every 4 to 5 days. I really think it took me several weeks to get back to normal after I stopped the every-week commute. After one month of doing it, I was ready to just move – but, ironically, since I was spending so much time traveling and at lower productivity levels, it was hard to find the time and energy to look for a job that didn’t require me to commute anymore! Plus, since no matter where I was (work or home) I was going to be leaving in 3-4 days, there were a lot more things both places that just didn’t get done since I was constantly in mental hurry-up mode (and in a fog).

Currently I’m commuting about every other week, having worked out something where I can work from home most alternate weeks. It is still far from ideal but it is WAY more manageable than doing it every week. Just having more than 3-4 consecutive days in one place makes a huge difference for your sanity and your relationships.

One other side effect for me – going from a somewhat-frequent flyer (20-30 round trips per year, which I had done comfortably for the past decade before this) to a very-frequent flyer (50+ per year) sure does change the way you look at flying! I wouldn’t necessarily say I enjoy it less, but I feel differently about it now that it takes up much more of my life.

Logistically: speaking specifically about your situation as someone who’s familiar with the Denver to East Coast run, even taking a 6PM from Denver that gets you in really late at night is, to me, far preferable than the redeye. (If you’re leaving 6 PM Monday night instead of Sunday, so much the better). Plus, the Denver-to-east-coast redeye schedules vary with demand and the seasons; CO occasionally has one to Newark but it isn’t year round. The only consistent redeyes that seem to run year round with few breaks are Jetblue to NYC and Delta to Atlanta. The CO one comes and goes, US had one to Philly that’s been gone for a while and a new one to Charlotte that has been around for the past few months, and UA to Dulles has shown up during busier travel seasons.

Send me a PM if you want to chat more offline about Denver-specific stuff/tips.

I would imagine the winter snow delays/cancellations would play havoc with such a tight schedule as well.

Actually, you'd be surprised at how infrequently this happens. DEN gets a lot of snow, but with 6 runways and a huge snow removal operation, it's one of the best airports in the country at dealing with the snow and staying open in bad weather conditions. I've only had two weather cancellations in the past five years - and both times, it was weather on the east coast, not weather in DEN, that did it (this past winter's snowstorms were the worst!). I've had as many delays at DEN for summer thunderstorms as I have for snow - not many of either.

I did San Jose to the New Jersey side of Philadelphia for a year and a half. My schedule was generally 2 weeks there and two weeks home.

I would do SJC-PHL via MSP on Sunday. The flight left about 12:30 PM and I would get into PHL about 10:30. I would take a Rapid Rover shuttle to my boss' house and pick up the car and then travel for an hour to the hotel that I stayed in. The goal was to be in the room by 1AM. Monday morning was no fun.

Going home the following Friday was either leave around 1PM and get into SJC about 7:30 or stay until 4 and get in at 11.

I kept a full set of clothes in New Jersey; packed in a large suitcase. Thursday before leaving I would drop my laundry off and a laundromat that washed and folded by the pound. Even without factoring in the time necessary to do it myself, it was cheaper that way. I would pick them up Friday morning, repack the clean clothes, check out of the hotel and have someone drop me off at the airport (or take the shuttle).

I found that I was always in one of two modes. I was either in New Jersey or getting ready to go to New Jersey. Note that there was never a time when I felt at home.

My wife and I became individually more independent. My oldest was in college and was least effected. My youngest was in high school and he and his mother are probably closer even now, 6 years later, than they would be otherwise.

Some of the independence was a good thing but we collectively ran the check book into the ditch more than once. I found that I was planned into, or out of, things without my knowledge.

Being 3 time zones out of sync has the obvious problems. Jet lag; 9-12 time zones/month keeps your internal clock always wrong. Having a cell phone from home means that you will get the occasional 2AM call that starts with "were you asleep?"

Eating is a problem. You will eat out too much when you are away and not want to eat out when you are home. You will eat the wrong foods in inappropriate quantities. Eating becomes a chore. Dining alone is the rule, not the exception.

A noise cancelling headset is a must.

I was frustrated that I wasn't flying enough (on one carrier) to get status but enough that the Skycap knew where I was going before I told him.

In all of the trips, I only remember a couple of weather or mechanical problems that significantly impaired a trip. I ended up in Las Vegas at 2AM rather than home at 11 once but, that was the only time that I had to get a hotel room on the road. I don't count getting into SFO or OAK rather than SJC as a significant diversion.

The challenges that life has are magnified. If you get sick, you have a 50-50 chance that it will be while you are away unless you know Murphy; then you have a 100% chance of being sick on the road. Death in the family? Works the same way. Getting into DIA after midnight to a no room in the inn situation only makes a bad day longer. It really couldn't get worse.

When it came to an end, it was my decision. I finally could not do it any more and that realization came almost over night. I took a job that I initially turned down a couple of months earlier, clipped my wings and only travel occasionally now.

One other thing. The only thing that I regretted was that I worked almost every weekend. I somehow thought that the amount of work was finite and that by working those days I would get ahead of things. I know, sounds dumb even now. I really wish that I had taken the time to take in some of the fun things on the east coast. NYC and Washington DC were only a couple of hours away and yet, I never went. Don't make that mistake.

Lynn

I did close to a version of it for 3 years. Home is NY but I'd spend 2 weeks a month outside of Seattle, 1 week a various different locations and one week home.

Generally, I'd leave NY early on Monday morning and get to the office around lunch time. Coming home I'd leave early afternoon or late evening Friday. I really didn't think it was bad. Then again, I have no kids and hadn't been married very long so that may play a part.

To me, the worst thing was being stuck alone at night in the boring little town of Edmonds, Wa. There was literally NOTHING to do. The restaurants all closed by 7pm and there was only one hotel. More often that not, I was stuck without a car adding to my misery.

Also, when you're at a location that often you aren't treated as a guest. My coworkers would head home to their families at 6pm and I'd be stuck alone eating alone (the hotel didn't have cooking facilities so it was go our or delivery). I was bored and lonely more often than not.

However, having said all of those negatives, it's certainly possible that the problems were unique to my work environment. As for the actual commute part, I loved it!

One last note, I think it's much easier to do if you live in the east and commute west.

I think he is talking about NYC which will be a chore. JFK and EWR are heavily weather dependent. With DEN being outside LGA's permitted zone there are only two airport options for direct flights. That means B6 and CO for direct flights. Connections are probably available through ORD for UA and AA but that's going to add time to the trip plus you have to factor in the ORD lottery.

The redeye is tough as its not really long enough that you get a long sleep (if you can sleep on the plane). Admittedly relocating is going to costs you a lot of money, especially with kids. You could always look at relocating closer to NY and then commute from there. You would still have all the issues of with commuting but you wouldn't be as airline dependent.

I have nothing on the tactical side and my commute will tell you why. I live in Rio de Janeiro and Saint-Paul de Vence, France and work in the USA, Korea, Japan, or where ever else client work happens. I recently completed two years commuting between Rio and London. I adopted a routine of two weeks on-site and one week at home. That has been my habit for about 15 years, since my work has often been on a continent different from where i live. My spouse and I both like the arrangement because I actually have more time at home with my family than I would were I working locally, because I have no office to go to on my week off.

Numerous colleagues are in situations similar to the one the OP proposes. Many of them are consultants, but not all. Such arrangements work very well, but on the condition that you follow one RULE when you're home, you're home and you don't continue to work. If you do not follow that rule the odds are very high you'll be a divorced father commuting for visitation. Many of the people I know have failed to follow that rule and they almost universally end out divorced. The one or two who follow that rule religiously, as I do, seem to maintain quite happy relationships.

I hope you can solve all the logistical issues, but those quickly become habitual and you devise your own solutions. Others will have insight on your specific routes.

Remember the RULE!!

DEN-LGA is exempt from the radius restrictions and is served by UA (752 usually), F9, and soon to be WN. I'm on the UA flights on a fairly regular basis, and they're fairly well timed in both directions for commuting (One of my offices is near DEN...).

I will leave out the DEN-NYC specifics as I have no idea. As to commuting to work by plane, I have done it 10 out of the last 13 years, with the last 7 years being continuous.

You: This kind of travel is not for everybody. Don't get stressed and take it all in stride. NEVER check a bag unless it is only dirty clothes or things you can do without for a few days. If you insist on pushing the carry-on limits, then make sure you are first to board please! Nothing worse than the commuter who arrives with three bags and then complains about no bin space. Use Skype or some other videophone/ip service to stay in touch. The added video makes a difference. Sleep on the plane if you can. Do not make the flight part of your work day. It will only add to your stress.

Wife: My wife and I were dating while I was on the road, got married and had kids, all while I was commuting weekly. This is an important difference. Not all wives can accept the "being alone" factor. For many, they feel that they are a single mom. If you can, set up contracts with various electricians, plumbers, etc, so that they will take care of your needs. This will permit you to not have to tell your wife to ring the plumber/electrician to sort something out. Do not think you can have it wait until you get home. Your wife will not appreciate this after a while and it will only add to her feelings of being alone.

Kids: This depends on the ages. I have a toddler and a moody teenage girl The toddler likes the 2 minute conversations using Skype video calls. She knows Daddy comes home on Fridays in a plane (and points at the sky on Fridays every time she hears one) and definitely knows who her Daddy is. I took over all child duties (except feedings) on weekends. This gave my wife an appreciated break and enforced the bonds with my child. As for the teen, I always ask her about her day (even though I will only get a "fine" out of her) and sometimes help her with her homework on Skype. The screen sharing feature and the cam make this work very well in fact.

Do not use miles for commute upgrades. Save them for the vacations with the wife and/or family. Same for hotel points. These "perks" of the job can go a long way with the wife when used for a weekend in Vegas or 4 days in Mexico or the Carib.

Find what works for you AND what works for your family. Each situation is different. My wife will drive me to the airport and pick me up to save the �50-�70 in parking. We then spend this on a dinner when I am home. Try different things and settle on what you agree works for the family and you.