I've done this from Chicago to NYC for almost a year and I really like it. If I don't fly for a weekend (either to or from home) I actually start to miss flying. My advice would be to avoid checking bags, make sure to get status on an airline, and try to keep a complete wardrobe, etc. on both ends so that you can fly with just a briefcase or other light carry-on.

OTOH I have an unusual situation (among people in the unusual situation of doing a long distance commute). My work schedule is odd: free on Mondays, only have to physically be there three or four days a week, and limited hours during those days. I also stay with relatives in NYC.

I don't think I could do this if Mrs. ralfp & I had any children. That's as much a function of her busy work schedule as it is of the long distance commute.

The worst part of the whole thing is the land part of the commute: getting to/from the airport in NYC (much easier for me in CHI), as well as the daily commute to from work.

Having done a long-distance weekly commute myself for the better part of two years, I wouldn't wish the lifestyle I had at that time on anyone. But we all have a different tolerance for flying, being away from family, the importance of our job, etc. so of course YMMV.

I commuted from Richmond to Milwaukee just about every week in 2007 and 2008. My employer offered me a better position with higher pay in Milwaukee, so I took it...enticed by both the earning potential and the ability to fly frequently, which I enjoyed but in the past flew mostly on leisure with only the occasional business trip.

RIC-MKE is less than 700 miles as the crow flies, but a good six hours each way door to door since no airline flies RIC-MKE nonstop. Or a 16-hour drive, which I did a few times moving one of my cars and some of my belongings. I could fly from RIC to MKE with a connection or drive an hour and a half on either end and catch a nonstop DCA-MKE or RIC-ORD. My boss usually let me work three 12+ hour days in Milwaukee (Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday) so I'd fly home Thursday morning and back on Sunday afternoon or early Monday morning.

When I first started commuting to MKE I was engaged, but due to the time away from home, my fiancee started becoming very resentful...and the relationship ended after a while. My family is all on the East Coast and I never felt at "home" in Milwaukee, so I kept an apartment and car for most of that time in Richmond, eventually hoping to transfer my job back home when a position became available. I ate and drank too much (airport bars, restaurants, and upgrades don't do me much good in that regard!) and never had a regular sleep schedule.

The flying was fun for a few months, but it became a real chore after taking the same short hops over and over again. I stopped caring about miles and points and just booked the flights that would get me from point A to point B the quickest. Delta, US Airways, United, Midwest, AirTran...RIC, DCA, MKE, ORD...they all blurred together after living the life of a weekly traveler!

I finally was able to transfer back to Richmond in late 2008. I gradually eased up on the MKE trips once they hired my replacements there; for now, I am back to being primarily a leisure traveler. I am so grateful for being out of the "rat race" of frequent travel. I can drive a few miles down the interstate to work rather than hopping on a plane, sleep in the same bed every night, live full time in the city I love, and have one home that feels like home rather than two crashpads. I have a whole lot more time to do what I love and take care of myself when I'm not spending it in the air!

I may be in the minority on FT, but no amount of money or career advancement would lead me to take a job in an unfamiliar city again, or a job with a regular commute by air. At least I learned my lesson before having a wife or children. Having one foot in one city and one foot in another city just didn't work for me personally.

I've done SEA to XXX almost every week for eight years.

1) You have to develop a routine. Same time, same day outbound; same time, same day inbound. Until Delta reduced the schedule, I did Sunday noon SEA-MSP-XXX; Friday afternoon XXX-MSP-SEA. Predictability for yourself and for the family is good.

2) It ain't cheap. Your employer (assuming they're footing the bill) will get tired of the expense and put pressure on you to keep it cheap (that can make it harder). If you're paying for your own travel, I hope you're making bank --I spent $5-6K a month traveling.

3) There aren't that many red-eyes that are long enough for you to get much sleep. SEA to XXX via MSP isn't one of them. I stopped doing red-eyes; wore me out. Now I take the last flight on Sunday and a mid-day flight on Friday. If I have to do a red-eye, I do SEA-CLT-XXX or some other out-of-the-way itinerary to get a long enough first leg that I can sleep a few hours.

4) If you can, get an apartment in your work city. Leave everything you need through the week so you don't have to travel with luggage and aren't living in a hotel. I've gone the hotel route and the apartment route. I'll gladly trade hotel points/status for a one-bedroom apartment.

5) Get a credit card that gives you miles for purchasing tickets--you're going to buy a lot of them. Be loyal to an airline (and a hotel if that's the deal) so you can get upgrades, free tickets, and the like. Agree with the OP, save those for great vacations.

6) Keep your body on the local time so you don't have to readjust every time you go back. I live on Eastern time, even when I'm home. That can present some challenges: at home, you're up before daylight and sleepy at dinnertime. DEN to NYC is only two hours, so that's less of an issue. I traveled to Little Rock for a while and found a two-hour time change to be pretty easy compared to three-hours.

7) If you need a car, buy one there and park it while you're gone. It's cheaper than renting and you don't have to figure out the controls and remember the color/make/model of a new car every week. If your employer would otherwise pay for a rental car, rent by the month and park it while you're home...in my experience that's cheaper than weekly rentals. Some employers will do leases (not mine).

8) It's really hard to be fit; eat healthy; not drink too much; etc. You're sitting in a hotel room (or empty apartment) by yourself at night after work. You end up eating dinner in the hotel bar, having a cocktail and a glass a wine with dinner; or you have 20 minutes to grab lunch in an airport and the only choice is fried cheese sticks.

9) It's a whole lot easier if your spouse can relate. The Mrs travels for work, so she knows that business travel is not glamorous nights at the Four Seasons lounging in the hotel pool (I think a lot of people think biz travel resembles their vacation travel experience).

10) After a while, it gets easy to skip a weekend home here and there. Pretty soon, you've been gone three weeks, your spouse is unhappy, you've missed the school play, and things can go downhill from there.

11) Keep in contact. The time difference can make that harder. You're going to bed, your spouse is getting home from work. Set a schedule for the nightly phone call; and talk every day, even if its just for a few minutes.

In short, it's doable (much more difficult with kids, I suspect), but its a hard life. Watch the movie "Up in the Air." Some of the travel scenes are a good depiction of "the life." Some of the OPs have mentioned "rules" -- I suggest you set some like: talk to your wife and kids every night, never be gone more than two weeks; minimize the work while you're home; etc. Lastly, think about "the trade." You're going to give up a lot...you can never fully replace what you give up, but it could be worth it. Personally, because I get on a plane every week, I make a good living and get to do work that gives me great satisfaction. So far, the trade has been worth it for me. With that, I need to call home before I call it a night.

I think based on people I know who have done it, experiences here, and some limited experiences doing it myself, it can be ok if it is just you. If you have a family, however, it can be a real bear.

I traveled every week for four years out of ATL. About two years of that was to Los Angeles. I would leave either Sunday night or Monday morning depending on the project, and return Thursday evening or redeye.

A Sunday leave and redeye return is horrible. I can't imagine starting the week with a redeye. Monday morning through Thursday evening is quite possible, particularly if it is short flight. I've since transitioned out of consulting and now travel maybe 20% of the time and it has been great. I did travel while I was married, but we don't have kids - I can only imagine that would make the whole thing much harder.

I wrote about my Dad in post 6 who did a three year New York to Durham, NC commute. Later, I emailed him about this thread and here is his reply:

I think magiciansampras's point about it being ok without a family but a bear with one is correct.

Having done the long-distance commuting for about 2 years, and having a lot of commuting friends, I can say:

Problems:
- it is often physically hard
- it will change your relationship with your family at least to some extent, as you will become an absent partner/parent
- having two places to live and look after can be hard work, even with cleaners
- even if someone else pays for the commute, it can be expensive to set up 'home' in another place
- it will eventually drain you, physically or mentally
- you will miss out on important events, especially if you have a family
- your partner may well start to resent your being away and not being there for him/her
- expect problems at home that you cannot solve remotely and you will feel bad about being away

Benefits:
- serious amount of frequent flyer points if you do it right!
- being able to concentrate on job at hand without anyone needing attention
- distance can make heart grow fonder, shorter-term

I have never got done so much that I managed to do while I was commuting. I turned into a complete workaholic and achieved a lot. However, it came with a drawback - because I was on my own, I could work without any interruption and I also played pretty hard (nothing naughty but went out quite a lot) too, ignoring how tired I was getting, with no-one to point it out to me.

I over-worked (I was working around 80 hours a week on average) and over-studied, and did not realise how exhausted I was until I went on holiday and my body more or less gave up on me. I had no-one close to me around all the time to say I was exhausting myself, as I tried very hard to pluck myself up for the weekend when I was back at home and so my husband did not notice how fatigued I was getting. I was like a working zombie (as well as a walking zombie) towards the end.

If you do decide to commute, pace yourself and make sure you don't over-exert yourself, because it is very easy to do.

None of my commuting friends are planning to commute for much longer. Many have taken a big pay-cut to return to living with their family.

I'd say one of the most valuable things is getting a good relationship with a dry cleaner in your travel city, that way every week before you leave, you can leave your dirty laundry with them and not have to carry back a suitcase full of laundry (or even better if they do pickups and drop offs).

Again everything that has been covered above regarding family is absolutely true. I will also add that your friends will slowly move away since when they want to grab a beer, you will be in a different city. Flying Sunday is an absolute horror and quite easily tires you out as basically by the time you get back and settled, finished with your honey-do list, its time to fly out again.

If it's just you, why not move? I guess a short-term/contract job might be a good reason to commute, but for a "normal" job it would be easier & cheaper just to get a new place to live.

^. That, or have family or friends to stay with (the laundry facilities and existing dry cleaning runs are as valuable as the bed).

Having a fixed schedule is good for you, your family/friends, as well as your employer. I take the same flight (or at least at the same time, usually UA or CO) outbound so that Mrs. ralfp can drop me off on her way to work. I get variety by taking one of many ways to/from the airports in NY (I have plenty of time between arrival and when I have to be at work). Too bad US Helicopter died after my first flight with them.

I don't spend that much (nearly free housing on both ends helps), but I send so much that I could probably quit without feeling too much financial pain (a lower tax bracket and many other factors come into play). Of course I do my job because it's fun; as long as I get paid enough, the money is a secondary consideration.

We have a winner! Laundry facilities are a big factor too. Of course even better is someone from whom to bum a room. (I actually pay family to stay with them, so it's not really bumming a room).

Really? Rental cars can be cheap, while owning a car has lots of ancillary costs (e.g. insurance & repairs). Parking can also be expensive. I commute to NYC, so I hardly ever drive a car anymore.

I recently realized that being gone for more than a week is far more difficult because I worry about many more things before I leave. If I will be away for 4 days, I can "deal with it when I get back". That's not so easy if I'll be gone for 11 days (two weeks).

I have been commuting between PHL and DEN for quite some time now. I can say, without a doubt, that I'm okay doing this only because it is temporary. I've done the weekly air travel thing for a couple years, but this is the longest route I've done. I leave Sunday night, because it is my preference. I'd rather not get off of a 3.5-4hr flight and walk into the office. On Thursdays, I usually get home around 2am. While you may feel exhausted on Monday and Friday, your employer will clearly expect the same performance out of you.

As other posters mentioned, there are definite down sides to living in a hotel during the week. You may feel trapped, especially if you don't know anyone in the area. If you stay in the 'burbs, there's not going to be much to do. Your food options will be limited for sure. The way that I look at it is that I don't normally go out during the week anyway (drinking, dinner, movies, clubs, etc). So, to me, being in a hotel room during the week isn't a big deal. If I had a family, my outlook would be drastically different.

If you're looking at this as a super-long term thing (2 yrs+), you should definitely try to schedule a regular work at home week. Your employer should recognize that it will keep you happy and less likely to get burned out on travel.

If you've never done this before, my biggest advice would be to beware - it is not glamorous or fun, it's just another 10hrs+ per week of work that you don't get paid for. You are effectively lowering your salary by around 20%, losing a good chunk of your weekend, and giving up alot of your personal life.

You should think hard about what your goals are and if this will help you. If you are doing this simply to stay in your current job, is it really worth it? If you decide that you don't like this lifestyle, what are your options? Relocate? Find a new job? Lose a promotion?

Boston to Minneapolis commuter here. I'm currently doing that three weeks a month, so its not quite as bad. I keep a Sunday to Friday schedule. Though not ideal, its not impossible. As others have suggested, if you are going to do this, try and establish some kind of 'normal' life on the road. I've joined softball leagues, etc just to have some local contact. I've found folks very inviting and have made some great friends this way.

The record I know follows. It took me a couple weeks to add this up. It seems a topic sufficiently relevant to not just count on memory.

Colleagues divorced: 23
Colleagues still married to same person/with same partner: 4
Total sample: 30 (three were single and are single). All of them are people I have known for more than ten years, and who have commuted long distance the entire time.
Me: 31 years married to same person, happily, commuting two weeks out of three to a different continent almost the entire time.

I'd suspect there are quite a few management consultants, international businesspeople etc who have lots of experience doing this.

I suspect it is harder to do domestically than internationally.

Greetings from the boring little town of Edmonds, Washington. While it's not true that ALL the restaurants close at 700pm, I wouldn't want to be stuck here without a car either. Next time, come up the hill and have dinner with us.

I worked for years in network TV news, where the travel orders come erratically and instantly (so much so that I kept a packed bag in the office and my passport in my pocket)... then moved to creative consulting, mostly for family considerations. The travel schedule was more predictable but not that much easier.

Regular red-eyes do reduce your productivity. I did SEA-EWR-SEA shuttles for two years on a big project for AT&T, often 22-hour roundtrips to lead / attend a few hours of meetings in NJ. Two of those a week for a month, and you join the walking dead. In recent years I've started saying no to red-eyes unless absolutely necessary.

It's not fair to your family to be a disoriented zombie at home as you recover for travel. When you save your best hours for your job and give the fam what's left of you, you create long-term problems around the house. I was told there was no point in my coming home if all I was going to do was sleep.

For the most part my kid weathered the many partings OK, but he perceived the weekends as inviolate, and once in awhile I would have to fly on Sunday for Monday commitments and he completely cratered. More than a few screaming, tearful goodbyes with me fighting my way out the door, late for the airport.

The excitement of status and upgrades pales REAL fast compared to the permanent sense of dislocation.

Best possible advice, if you have a family. Being able to take my wife and son to Europe, Asia, Australia all together in business class, and stay in nice hotels, has made up for some of the trauma / separation involving in earning the miles. (Only regret: my son was acclimated to nice hotels at a young age... he now thinks Holiday Inns are roughing it.) If you spend all your miles on yourself you're further isolating yourself from your family.

Notice how the OP hasn't resurfaced to read or comment on any of this wisdom... probably scared off early.

Hello to this great community,

I wanted to thank everyone who responded to my post, and also apologize for not following up sooner. Your responses, and personal experiences shared, gave me a lot to think about and consider. I decided to not proceed with the interview process for the job in NY. While it sucks that I've been unemployed for the last 3 months, I have been able to spend much needed time time with my family, and this has further justified my decision - that the cost of a full time, long distance commute would simply be too great... in many ways.

Since my next job is likely to involve a lot of travel, perhaps I will be able to return some value and become a more active member.

Thanks again,

Adam

I know the thread is a bit dated, but though I'd post anyway to recount my experiences. There may be someone who comes across this thread through a Google search seeking information about long distance commuting.

I've commuted between NC and NYC for six years. Even though its an easier commute than many who replied above, it does take a toll on you. Because I am a teacher, I only commute during the academic year, have breaks during the year (holidays, spring vacation, etc.). Basically ends up to be about 34 weeks per year.

My tips to make it work:

1. Don't reflect on why you are doing it when you are doing it. You can go crazy.
2. Don't get stressed out about airport delays -- there's nothing you can do about it. If you are flying in the morning, ALWAYS take the first flight out, as it reduces delays significantly
3. Spend as much time at home as you can (e.g., some years I only needed to be in NYC three days per week, and commuting was much, much better when I decided I would go up early (flight at 5:45 am) and make it to work that day and then return late the evening of my last day, instead of spending 5 days in NYC for three days of work).
4. Always take non-stop flights (if available)


Some issues you might run into:

1. It can be a lonely lifestyle. It helps if you can develop good friendships with co-workers or others in the town you work in.
2. May be difficult keeping up friendships and activities in your home town, as you may be exhausted when you come home on weekends. But this is important to do so you maintain connections and roots there. It's easy for this to slip through the cracks.
3. You will hit a wall where you might say I can't do this any more. I've hit that but have been able to work through it. But I'll probably be doing this for another 10+ years, so I know I'll have to deal with that again.

As I type this, my wife is considering a job out of state that would make my commute even longer. Ugh.