Went straight-up follow-the-recipe for this one. It's an almond, coconut, and blueberry cake from Ottolenghi's Sweet cookbook of desserts. I love almost any Ottolenghi recipe, as they tend to be easy to follow and yield great results every time.

​​​​​​

Thank you for respecting my wishes.

I prefer to have my burger with only two different ways of toppings:
Only ketchup, mayo, lettuce, and tomato with no bun or cheese
Saut�ed mushrooms and swiss cheese only
I also prefer to have them cook rare and I know about possible food poisoning can result from this. I do get an upset stomach once in a while, but very rarely (pun intended )

lol
there is definitely something to say about a burger without cheese.

my last restaurant burger was the Burger at Zuni in SF where cheese is optional. They only serve the burger for luncheon, decorated, and I chose to not add cheese.

I've had most if not all of the fancy burgers in NYC at this point. I'd say I enjoyed about a quarter of them and actively disliked the majority.

Here's my very subjective and terrible take on burgers:

No brioche. I don't want cake bread to distract from the patty and make the burger impossible to eat. Sesame seed bun or martin's potato roll. English muffins also accepted.
American cheese, possibly cheddar. Cheddar usually doesn't melt right and other cheeses have no business being there.
Meat, beef 80/20. No thick 8oz patties either. This isn't a hamburg steak, it's a burger. 6 oz or less, preferably 2 smaller patties.
Toppings: This is a contentious point. I think the trend of expensive and over the top additions needs to stop. If you have good beef, there's no reason you need anything except maybe a pickle slice or two and possibly a slice of tomato or some onions. Condiments can be whatever you want but again, why are you trying to overdo it?

One of the most egregious offenders to me was the "new and improved" Chumley's in NYC. I frequented the original and they had a simple and amazing burger on an english muffin.
Here's the description from a review of their new house burger:
"Only the burger is draped in a rich, fatty layer of bone marrow, fried onions, crisp shallots, American cheese, and a tangy, spicy barbecue sauce made with mango, coffee, and jalape�o."

Horrendous. I braved the bougie reincarnation once and went this was plopped in front of me, a little bit of my youth died. Thankfully, that place is now gone forever and I can go back to remembering the original fondly.

Back to the topic, I find that In n Out, Shake Shack, and a handful of other fast casual places have realized and capitalized on the fact that simple burgers work.

When I'm making burgers, I smash them. I have my 15" cast iron on the grill or my solo propane jet burner and I'll smash 3oz patties. 60 second, flip, American cheese, 20 seconds and it is done. On a Martin's potato roll with 2 slices of pickle and no toppings. There is no equal!

No question. A burger should be made with either 75 or 80% beef. Anything higher doesn't work unless you eat it rare. Additionally, for both safety and taste, a burger should be cooked to medium.

Looks amazing! Blueberries and coconut are a match made in heaven. I think I might have to add this book to my (rapidly expanding ) collection. I am also keen on his Plenty and Plenty More books (as I am vegetarian).

in 60+20 seconds, is it rare or under medium rare? I find that 4-Oz needs a few minutes just to be medium rare, even when rested.

They are smashed almost completely flat, that timing gives me fully cooked burgers. I don't worry about cook temp for this style. They don't need to be rested either. Smash, flip, cheese, done. I can rattle off a whole party's worth of burgers in about 15 minutes. Two 3 oz patties per burger and you can fit 4 at a time on the big cast iron. My propane jet burner keeps the cast iron incredibly hot so the meat crisps beautifully.

First, I agree that certain foods should have rules. Such as NO KETCHUP on a hot dog...ever! Goes for most other sausages too. I was painfully silent last week when I watched a friend eat nothing on his brat except ketchup. No mustard, onion, or sauerkraut. And he's an adult who knows better.

With that out of the way, I think you're a little too strict on some of the rules. Here's where I'd differ:
- There are other good buns, like a kaiser, or a midwestern "hard roll".
- Any cheese that can be sliced without crumbling is acceptable, including bleu cheese but not the crumbly kind. Honestly, you're just missing out by not trying some of the others. Cool to have a favorite but so many cheeses pair wonderfully with beef.
- Toppings/Condiments: lettuce is fine. Ketchup and/or mustard fine. "Burger sauce", usually some variation of Thousand Island dressing, is ok too, but then that's the only sauce you get.

​​​​​​But Patty Melts - burger, American or Cheddar, and carmelized onions grilled on Rye - are gooood.
Are Patty Melts burgers?

yes, so good. I�m not into 1000 island but I believe that sauce is part of most patty melts!

Buns: I can support other standard rolls but I have a major issue with the "fancy" roll movement. No pretzel rolls, no brioche.
Cheese: I've tried them all. I understand the appeal of a black and bleu burger. I understand using a bulkie roll, kaiser roll, or whatever roll you want. Just not my preference. I also agree that cheeses pair beautifully with beef, I don't agree that they pair well with a burger. I'd rather have a steak with a nice bleu on top.
Toppings: I actually forgot about lettuce. I am in favor of a nice shredded iceberg but a full leaf just gets limp and actually hinders the construction and eating in most cases. Burger sauce is great.

I did say it was a terrible take.

As to patty melts: Do whatever you want. I get mine piled with onions. Different sandwich entirely.

A donut makes a great bun...seriously.
I can hear you all screaming all the way from here.

Eh. I said it was my terrible take. Y'all do whatever you want.

Only at the State Fair! But, yes, at the State Fair.