Audacious and Unmitigated Flatulence
Mar 11, 2005, 9:26 am
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Rehoboth Beach, DE
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Posts: 831
Audacious and Unmitigated Flatulence
On a recent flight IAH-PIT on a jungle jet, I was seated in the exit row with a large gentle. In this case - he was not obese - so size did not matter. He squeezed into his seat and with the armrest down - I was comfortable.
The flight was full - I repeat the flight was full.
30 minutes into the flight - and I began to notice the most fouling selling flatulence. It would not go away. It was worse than spoiled cabbage that had been left to rot with a spirit of skunk and carrion thrown in. It was disgusting
I was nauseated.
I turned up the air to blow directly in my face - then I fanned myself. Embarrassingly a person in front of me looked back at me fanning and I think she though the aroma was mine. I said, "I did not do it."
Finally, there was a noise associated with the obnoxious gas. I looked at the man beside me and in an effiminant voice he squealed "Sorry." I thought to myself - "Sorry hell".
He did it once more (made a sound like a clap of roaring thunder) and I looked at him and said loudly - "DAMN. Can you cut it out?" People started laughing. He apologized and said he ate something that must not have agreed with him. I said, "Apparently not."
He finally got up and went to the bathroom. When the door closed, people started laughing and talking and saying - Nice job.
I was embarrassed - but it was FOUL.
I came home - took a shower and washed my clothes.
How would anyone else have handled this situation?
The flight was full - I repeat the flight was full.
30 minutes into the flight - and I began to notice the most fouling selling flatulence. It would not go away. It was worse than spoiled cabbage that had been left to rot with a spirit of skunk and carrion thrown in. It was disgusting
I was nauseated.I turned up the air to blow directly in my face - then I fanned myself. Embarrassingly a person in front of me looked back at me fanning and I think she though the aroma was mine. I said, "I did not do it."
Finally, there was a noise associated with the obnoxious gas. I looked at the man beside me and in an effiminant voice he squealed "Sorry." I thought to myself - "Sorry hell".
He did it once more (made a sound like a clap of roaring thunder) and I looked at him and said loudly - "DAMN. Can you cut it out?" People started laughing. He apologized and said he ate something that must not have agreed with him. I said, "Apparently not."
He finally got up and went to the bathroom. When the door closed, people started laughing and talking and saying - Nice job.
I was embarrassed - but it was FOUL.
I came home - took a shower and washed my clothes.
How would anyone else have handled this situation?
Mar 11, 2005, 9:52 am
#2
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Lovely Tahoe City
Programs: UA 1mm Gold. Former 1K and GS.
Posts: 951
I usually lean over and quietly say "Do you realize that the air that I'm now breathing was inside your @ss just a moment ago? It isn't really appealing"
That usually gets the point accross.
That usually gets the point accross.
Mar 11, 2005, 10:40 am
#3
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Bay Area, CA
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Sorry about that. I didn't realize that was you sitting next to me! 
Mar 11, 2005, 10:55 am
#4
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: CLE
Posts: 9,816
Damn that Toxic Hell at IAH - it does it to me everytime!
Mar 11, 2005, 11:26 am
#5
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: DCA
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Posts: 9,658
Maybe he ate that Rueben sandwich in F on an earlier flight.
Mar 11, 2005, 11:33 am
#6
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 693
Originally Posted by cova
Maybe he ate that Rueben sandwich in F on an earlier flight.
Mar 11, 2005, 11:37 am
#7
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Chicago USA
Programs: *A Junkie, SQ PPS, Skywards Gold, 2 Million Mile Flyer;*wood LT Plat, BA MM
Posts: 1,762
Originally Posted by climmy
I usually lean over and quietly say "Do you realize that the air that I'm now breathing was inside your @ss just a moment ago? It isn't really appealing"
That usually gets the point accross.
That usually gets the point accross.
This is THE funniest comment I've ever read, Climmy!
I was on a flight from LHR-FRA in Club and all of a sudden I smell someone's gas - I notice right across the aisle is a couple, the man, farting along, whilst his wife just giggling along thinking it was the cutest thing...
What's up with that?!?
Anyway - on a sidenote, don't know if you knew this, but f/a's have a term of when they fart and walk up and down the aisle..it's called "CROPDUSTING"
cute, eh?
UG
Mar 11, 2005, 2:41 pm
#8
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Moreland Hills (CLE)
Programs: Over-entitled UA 1.3MM Gold, AA Gold, Hilton Diamond, Marriott L-T Plat, Hertz PC
Posts: 5,521
Remedy
Turn airvent to open/max.
Take a magazine or emergency card from the seat pocket in front of you.
Roll it into a long tube.
One end over the air vent.
One end over your nose.
Take a magazine or emergency card from the seat pocket in front of you.
Roll it into a long tube.
One end over the air vent.
One end over your nose.
Mar 11, 2005, 2:48 pm
#9
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: PHX/SFO/LAX
Programs: AA-EXP (1.7MM), BA-Slvr, HH-Diamond
Posts: 7,784
Omg!!
Nickster,
You handled it as you should have. Always confront flatulence!
LOL! One of the funniest things I've ever read on FT. ^ ^
You handled it as you should have. Always confront flatulence!
Originally Posted by climmy
I usually lean over and quietly say "Do you realize that the air that I'm now breathing was inside your @ss just a moment ago? It isn't really appealing"
Mar 11, 2005, 3:02 pm
#10
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: NYC, LON
Programs: *
Posts: 2,773
This issue was discussed extensively very recently - Just when I thought it couldn't get worse
But are we not being hypocritical here? Is there anybody that is seriously saying he does not fart on an airplane?
Agree there are good fart days, bad fart days and then real bad days (as you experienced) but I bet you he was not alone and some passengers in the vicinity (maybe even you) took opportunity of the cover of the intense foul smell to release some of their own! By the way have you ever sat next to a passenger who has a bad body smell (which unlike a fart is all the time) - what did you say then?
But are we not being hypocritical here? Is there anybody that is seriously saying he does not fart on an airplane?
Agree there are good fart days, bad fart days and then real bad days (as you experienced) but I bet you he was not alone and some passengers in the vicinity (maybe even you) took opportunity of the cover of the intense foul smell to release some of their own! By the way have you ever sat next to a passenger who has a bad body smell (which unlike a fart is all the time) - what did you say then?
Mar 12, 2005, 6:05 am
#11
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: NYC
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by Nicksterguy
How would anyone else have handled this situation?
Did you really expect him to be able to "cut it out"? Can YOU?
It stinks (hardy har har), but such is life as a human.
Mar 12, 2005, 6:13 am
#12
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: FL
Programs: UAL 1k, *wood Plat, Marriott Gold
Posts: 224
This is great, I am laughing out loud in my study and my wife wants to know why.....You should have asked him "Do you smell something, it is awful, can you smell it....good heavens?"
It may be gross, it may be what mammals do, but I find it to be a humorous and classic post.
To quote ANI90 ".....there are good fart days, bad fart days and then real bad days.... "
It may be gross, it may be what mammals do, but I find it to be a humorous and classic post.
To quote ANI90 ".....there are good fart days, bad fart days and then real bad days.... "
Last edited by castle; Mar 12, 2005 at 6:15 am
Mar 12, 2005, 7:54 am
#13
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Nashua, NH USA
Programs: Seashore Trolley Museum "flight attendant"
Posts: 1,991
Get and bring along a stuffed toy skunk (for example a Beanie Baby). If someone near you farts, take it out and stroke it and say, "nice kitty kitty kitty nice kitty kitty".
Would you rather get up and let out someone each time he wants to fart so he can do it in or near the lav?
"Wipe your a** first thing in the morning and after farting."
Would you rather get up and let out someone each time he wants to fart so he can do it in or near the lav?
"Wipe your a** first thing in the morning and after farting."
Mar 12, 2005, 9:04 am
#14
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Clinging to the edifices of a decadent past from the biggest city in America nobody really cares about.
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Posts: 9,077
Originally Posted by Nicksterguy
How would anyone else have handled this situation?
Mar 12, 2005, 9:13 am
#15
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Rolling Lakes Yacht Club
Posts: 4,985
Originally Posted by Nicksterguy
I turned up the air to blow directly in my face - then I fanned myself. Embarrassingly a person in front of me looked back at me fanning and I think she though the aroma was mine. I said, "I did not do it."
How would anyone else have handled this situation?
How would anyone else have handled this situation?