Audacious and Unmitigated Flatulence

 
Old Mar 11, 2005, 10:26 am
  #1  
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Audacious and Unmitigated Flatulence

On a recent flight IAH-PIT on a jungle jet, I was seated in the exit row with a large gentle. In this case - he was not obese - so size did not matter. He squeezed into his seat and with the armrest down - I was comfortable.

The flight was full - I repeat the flight was full.

30 minutes into the flight - and I began to notice the most fouling selling flatulence. It would not go away. It was worse than spoiled cabbage that had been left to rot with a spirit of skunk and carrion thrown in. It was disgusting I was nauseated.

I turned up the air to blow directly in my face - then I fanned myself. Embarrassingly a person in front of me looked back at me fanning and I think she though the aroma was mine. I said, "I did not do it."

Finally, there was a noise associated with the obnoxious gas. I looked at the man beside me and in an effiminant voice he squealed "Sorry." I thought to myself - "Sorry hell".

He did it once more (made a sound like a clap of roaring thunder) and I looked at him and said loudly - "DAMN. Can you cut it out?" People started laughing. He apologized and said he ate something that must not have agreed with him. I said, "Apparently not."

He finally got up and went to the bathroom. When the door closed, people started laughing and talking and saying - Nice job.

I was embarrassed - but it was FOUL.

I came home - took a shower and washed my clothes.

How would anyone else have handled this situation?
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Old Mar 11, 2005, 10:52 am
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I usually lean over and quietly say "Do you realize that the air that I'm now breathing was inside your @ss just a moment ago? It isn't really appealing"

That usually gets the point accross.
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Old Mar 11, 2005, 11:40 am
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Sorry about that. I didn't realize that was you sitting next to me!
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Old Mar 11, 2005, 11:55 am
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Damn that Toxic Hell at IAH - it does it to me everytime!
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Old Mar 11, 2005, 12:26 pm
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Maybe he ate that Rueben sandwich in F on an earlier flight.
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Old Mar 11, 2005, 12:33 pm
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Originally Posted by cova
Maybe he ate that Rueben sandwich in F on an earlier flight.
or maybe it was the split pea soup...
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Old Mar 11, 2005, 12:37 pm
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Originally Posted by climmy
I usually lean over and quietly say "Do you realize that the air that I'm now breathing was inside your @ss just a moment ago? It isn't really appealing"

That usually gets the point accross.

This is THE funniest comment I've ever read, Climmy!

I was on a flight from LHR-FRA in Club and all of a sudden I smell someone's gas - I notice right across the aisle is a couple, the man, farting along, whilst his wife just giggling along thinking it was the cutest thing...

What's up with that?!?

Anyway - on a sidenote, don't know if you knew this, but f/a's have a term of when they fart and walk up and down the aisle..it's called "CROPDUSTING"
cute, eh?

UG
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Old Mar 11, 2005, 3:41 pm
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Thumbs up Remedy

Turn airvent to open/max.

Take a magazine or emergency card from the seat pocket in front of you.
Roll it into a long tube.

One end over the air vent.
One end over your nose.

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Old Mar 11, 2005, 3:48 pm
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Omg!!

Nickster,

You handled it as you should have. Always confront flatulence!

Originally Posted by climmy
I usually lean over and quietly say "Do you realize that the air that I'm now breathing was inside your @ss just a moment ago? It isn't really appealing"
LOL! One of the funniest things I've ever read on FT. ^ ^
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Old Mar 11, 2005, 4:02 pm
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This issue was discussed extensively very recently - Just when I thought it couldn't get worse

But are we not being hypocritical here? Is there anybody that is seriously saying he does not fart on an airplane?

Agree there are good fart days, bad fart days and then real bad days (as you experienced) but I bet you he was not alone and some passengers in the vicinity (maybe even you) took opportunity of the cover of the intense foul smell to release some of their own! By the way have you ever sat next to a passenger who has a bad body smell (which unlike a fart is all the time) - what did you say then?
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Old Mar 12, 2005, 7:05 am
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Originally Posted by Nicksterguy
How would anyone else have handled this situation?
What's to handle? We are mammals, and mammals make gas. Gases expand and contract with the changing cabin pressure. Gas is hard to control.

Did you really expect him to be able to "cut it out"? Can YOU?

It stinks (hardy har har), but such is life as a human.
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Old Mar 12, 2005, 7:13 am
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This is great, I am laughing out loud in my study and my wife wants to know why.....You should have asked him "Do you smell something, it is awful, can you smell it....good heavens?"

It may be gross, it may be what mammals do, but I find it to be a humorous and classic post.

To quote ANI90 ".....there are good fart days, bad fart days and then real bad days.... "

Last edited by castle; Mar 12, 2005 at 7:15 am
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Old Mar 12, 2005, 8:54 am
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Get and bring along a stuffed toy skunk (for example a Beanie Baby). If someone near you farts, take it out and stroke it and say, "nice kitty kitty kitty nice kitty kitty".

Would you rather get up and let out someone each time he wants to fart so he can do it in or near the lav?

"Wipe your a** first thing in the morning and after farting."
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Old Mar 12, 2005, 10:04 am
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Originally Posted by Nicksterguy
How would anyone else have handled this situation?
I'd of joined in.
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Old Mar 12, 2005, 10:13 am
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Originally Posted by Nicksterguy
I turned up the air to blow directly in my face - then I fanned myself. Embarrassingly a person in front of me looked back at me fanning and I think she though the aroma was mine. I said, "I did not do it."

How would anyone else have handled this situation?
I am not sure I believe the OP. After all....whoever smelt it, dealt it!!
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