Mainline for Elites Only! (April Fool's)
Apr 1, 2011, 9:55 am
#1
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Mainline for Elites Only! (April Fool's)
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
In an effort to better serve its business customers, effective June 1st, only those passengers with elite status (Premier, Premier Executive, 1K and Global Services) will be able to book seats on United mainline aircraft. Those passengers without status will be able to book United Express flights and may standby for United mainline flights for a small fee. United spokesman Rahsaan Johnson explained that this change in policy was necessary because, "Particularly after the merger with Continental, the new United Airlines has far more elite-level fliers than any other airline. If we can't provide them with benefits they appreciate, we won't be able to keep their business and it is these fliers who provide more than 80% of the airline's revenue."
United Express flights will, after June 1st, be renamed, "United Super Saver." "We want our non-status customers to regard our new program as a financial benefit," said Johnson, unveiling the program's motto: "Small planes for a small price." There will be some upward adjustment of fares for those elites traveling on United mainline aircraft, "but not so much as to discourage our most valued fliers from staying loyal to United's quality service." This is simply United's way of saying, "Yes, we know who you are!"
In an effort to better serve its business customers, effective June 1st, only those passengers with elite status (Premier, Premier Executive, 1K and Global Services) will be able to book seats on United mainline aircraft. Those passengers without status will be able to book United Express flights and may standby for United mainline flights for a small fee. United spokesman Rahsaan Johnson explained that this change in policy was necessary because, "Particularly after the merger with Continental, the new United Airlines has far more elite-level fliers than any other airline. If we can't provide them with benefits they appreciate, we won't be able to keep their business and it is these fliers who provide more than 80% of the airline's revenue."
United Express flights will, after June 1st, be renamed, "United Super Saver." "We want our non-status customers to regard our new program as a financial benefit," said Johnson, unveiling the program's motto: "Small planes for a small price." There will be some upward adjustment of fares for those elites traveling on United mainline aircraft, "but not so much as to discourage our most valued fliers from staying loyal to United's quality service." This is simply United's way of saying, "Yes, we know who you are!"
Apr 1, 2011, 9:56 am
#2
A FlyerTalk Posting Legend
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NYC (formerly BOS/DCA)
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Oh how I wish this was true!!!
Apr 1, 2011, 10:13 am
#3
Join Date: Jan 2008
Programs: UA 1k
Posts: 172
"There will be some upward adjustment of fares for those elites traveling on United mainline aircraft, "but not so much as to discourage our most valued fliers from staying loyal to United's quality service."
This is an interesting statement. I would guess that the majority of their elites are business travelers for which it seems they are missing the fact that most businesses will require travelers to book the "cheapest flight within reason".
If this doesn't fall within a 5 to 10% swing, I know my company will not allow it.
Apr 1, 2011, 10:20 am
#4
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: AA Gold/Million Miler,DL dirt,UA1K/Million Miler;Honors Silver,Marriott Gold;Avis Preferred,Hertz Prez Circle, Nat'l Exec Elite
Posts: 1,428
Ha!
That's a good one-for today of course!
That's a good one-for today of course!
Apr 1, 2011, 10:25 am
#5
Join Date: Apr 2008
Programs: UA1k 3mm, HH-LifeDiamond, Mar-LifePlatElite
Posts: 351
Oh, that's Great!!! United Super Saver ROTFL... ^^
United Super Saver ROTFL... ^^
Apr 1, 2011, 10:36 am
#7
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: MKE
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That is hilarious, I fell for it until I got to the part
This is simply United's way of saying, "Yes, we know who you are!"
This made my day
This is simply United's way of saying, "Yes, we know who you are!"
This made my day
Apr 1, 2011, 10:41 am
#8
Suspended
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,621
Fooled You
Apr 1, 2011, 12:36 pm
#9
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: BWI
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Posts: 164
One can only dream about mainline only
This is one of the better April Fools spoofs I've seen
This is one of the better April Fools spoofs I've seen
Apr 1, 2011, 12:37 pm
#10
Company Representative, United Airlines
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chicago, Houston, or somewhere in between
Posts: 2,176
You got me!
This release is so convincing that I spent 10 minutes trying to remember when I'd written it. Happy April Fools Day... and thanks for spelling my name correctly! Bravo.
Rahsaan
Rahsaan
Apr 1, 2011, 12:49 pm
#11
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Ooops. Sorry, I didn't mean to "out" you. When I wrote the release I did a quick Google search for, "United spokesman," and your name came up, so I used it for "authenticity." Glad you like the release.
Apr 1, 2011, 1:31 pm
#12
Formerly known as CollegeFlyer
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Uniter Super Saver motto should be "Small planes for small people." 
Apr 1, 2011, 2:04 pm
#13
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: IAH
Programs: Continental Onepass
Posts: 1
Nice
Rahsaan,
Why are they always picking on United?
Remember, there is no United without "U."
Why are they always picking on United?
Remember, there is no United without "U."
Apr 1, 2011, 2:08 pm
#14
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: DCA/IAD
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^ Nice one.
Apr 1, 2011, 2:11 pm
#15
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