Keep in mind that by showing up, not only will you get to meet Monitor, Frannie and myself, but you will also ensure your place in history by getting a mention in this thread.

More of my adventures on this trip:

Yesterday, I had lunch with my entire family. Uncle Irving, who was not thrilled about being dragged out of home to go to a restaurant where he had to pick up part of the check, immediately demanded to know why we were having this dinner.

"To celebrate the election results," I told him.

"Whadda I care if Bush or Kerry won?" Irving demanded. "Did either one of them serve in the big one -- WWII? No! They were slackers!"

"Not that election," I said. "The important one -- I was elected to TalkBoard."

"You're going to be a congressman?" Irving exclaimed. "I can't say I'm surprised. You always were a liar and a crook. I guess it was only natural that you would wind up in Washington."

"TalkBoard is much different than Congress," I told him. "For one thing, we don't get any pay."

"Then why bother being a member?" Irving asked.

"It's all about power," I said. "TalkBoard has the power not to create forums."

"Can't anybody not create forums?" he wondered.

"Sure," I admitted, "but they can only not create forums unofficially. TalkBoard can officially not create forums."

"And if TalkBoard doesn't officially create a forum than it won't exist?" Irving asked.

"Only if the board owner agrees," I said. "Otherwise, he is free to create the forum which the TalkBoard officially did not create."

"That doesn't sound like a lot of power to me," Irving said.

"Well, that's not all TalkBoard does," I told him. "It also sets guidelines for itself and elects its president. These are very important steps. Otherwise, when members ask for a forum and TalkBoard decides not to create it, it would be doing so in a chaotic fashion."

"Tell me," said Irving, "you said you were elected. Did anybody else bother running?"

"They certainly did," my mother injected. "A lot of people. I even voted for some of them."

"You didn't vote for Dovster?" Irving wondered.

"No," Mom said. "It wasn't because of any philosophical issues. I just don't like him personally."

Despite the revving of the 747 engines, dinner was enjoyable. In the light of day, we discovered that the sign read 22 Ave., not 24th Avenue. There was a BBQ place just a block away on Hwy 1, had lunch there and it was not very good. Certainly not pit BBQ.

We could have had the BBQ special at the Holiday Inn, Sunrise. It looks better from the exterior than on the interior. IOW, what a pit!

Dovster, if you ever are passing through Portland, we will take you to a quiet BBQ. Thanks again for an enjoyable evening. Great to meet MilesCrazy & Linda as well as you.

Chao.

Opus, thank you. I will keep that invitation in mind.

As advertised, last night Monitor, Frannie and I had a hamburger dinner. Monitor told me it was a "gourmet" hamburger joint, but I got a bit suspicious when I noticed that next door to it was "Pet Supermarket". It makes you wonder where they get the meat for the burgers.

I was waiting outside the restaurant when a young woman sat down next to me and lit up a cigarette. She then offered me one. Normally, I would be thrilled by this turn of fate but unfortunately this particular lady turned out to be completely bananas. Actually, I should have guessed that when she wanted to give me the smoke -- I already had one lit.

She talked non-stop -- actually "yelled" non-stop -- managing to say absolutely nothing. Thankfully, Monitor and Frannie showed up and I jumped out of my seat to greet them.

Monitor, unfortunately, is a gentleman and not understanding why I had not introduced my "companion," greeted her. This started her off again, Monitor quickly got the idea, and we escaped into the restaurant.

The burgers were good, the companionship excellent, and I look forward to seeing Monitor and Frannie again next week in Venice.

Meanwhile, I am writing this from the Air France Lounge in MIA waiting for my flight to CDG.

Au revoirs, mes amis!

rbAA and I spent much of the day wandering around the center of Milan. He kept looking in the shop windows; I kept looking at the women.

For those of you who haven't met rbAA in person, he is an interesting and intelligent individual, which makes me wonder why he once bothered having lunch with Cholula.

That being said, I have to confess that we both engaged in criminal activities -- at least they would be criminal if carried out in America. rbAA bought three Cuban cigars. The way I see it, that act alone will keep Castro in power for another 3.75 seconds.

I did something even worse -- I bought a Zippo.

This, as the TSA will eagerly point out, makes me a sure-fire terrorist. You see, I already had a Zippo with me when I left Israel. When I was in Florida I picked up a Philadelphia Eagles Zippo. Two cigarette lighters can be carried with you on any plane without presenting the slightest danger.

The third one automatically enrolls you in the Ossama Bin Laden Fan Club and is banned, barred, and barricaded from U.S. flights. The Milano Duomo Zippo I bought today put me over the top, but seeing as I am flying from here to Israel I should escape without being sent to Gitmo.

Israel doesn't care how many Zippos you have with you -- as long as they are not accompanied by a ham sandwich.

^

Dovster...the problem wasn't the Ramada or the phone line.
It was you, once again.
I've told you time after time that you need to set your modem to 300 bits per second (bps) in those old hotels.
Instead, you apparently set the modem to 300 bits per millisecond (bpms)...a speed no computer, phone line or data network is capable of attaining. At that speed, you could have transferred the entire data of the Library of Congress in under a minute....
Having said that, great series of reports thus far! Look forward to joining you in Venice in a few days to take part in the next installment of your Odyssey.

Okay, when I left off -- before rudely being interrupted by Cholula -- I was wandering the streets of Milan. My next stop was Venice, where wandering the streets is a good way to get your feet wet.

The Venice Meet has been discussed ad nauseum on CommunityBuzz and I won't bore you with any more details of it, other than to say that I got a particular kick out of lighting up a cigarette in the "Campo of Health".

(I followed that by eating a giant jelly apple and some fried cakes which had my UIG -- Used Italian Girlfriend -- figuring I would kick the bucket from sugar shock within 30 seconds. I disappointed her.)

After Venice, I headed for Verona. Well, that's not exactly true. I really went back to Milan and went to Verona the next day to meet some of the Venice group. That, however, is a mere detail and I won't bore you with it so I will just say that I headed for Verona.

For those of you who have not been there, Verona is a wonderful city. They have a Roman amplitheatre that is in much better condition than the Colosseum in Rome and you can still walk the grounds where the Lions beat the Christians 7-0.

Verona also boasts the actual house where Juliet (of "Wherefore art thou" fame) lived. This is particularly remarkable as she was a fictional character. Still, it doesn't stop the Veronese from showing you her balcony (free) and letting you wander through her house (at 4 Euros per person).

There is also a statue of Juliet outside the house and Dorlee happily snapped away as I posed next to it, with my arm around Juliet and my right hand grabbing her right (this word removed by the FlyerTalk Morality Program).

Then it was back to Milan for me, for one day, before the UIG and I headed to her home in Lugano.

I love Lugano. It is my favorite place in the whole world as it has both expensive chocolates and inexpensive cashmere sweaters. Unfortunately, the cashmere which was on sale this time was only for women so I spent all my money in the chocolate shops.

Well, not all of it. My daughter had made it quite clear that I was not to return from this trip empty-handed. Hence, I picked up a nice scarf and gloves for her. I also saw a lime-colored travel bag which matched the scarf and gloves and was going to get it for her but the UIG pointed out that it was not real leather and thus unsuitable.

There was a lime colored travel bag made of real leather (I still can't figure out what animal has lime-colored skin) but that cost a couple of hundred Euros and I decided that would cut too deeply into my chocolate-cake funds.

The UIG felt it was a must and bought it for me as an early birthday present (about 2 weeks early). Seeing as it was more like a large purse than a travel bag, I expressed some surprise at her choice of gifts. She explained that "I know you and the thing that will make you happiest is making your daughter happy."

She is almost right. It is number two on my list. Number one would be a night with Michelle Pfeiffer but I thought it best not to mention that to the UIG.

Finally, I flew home on Alitalia. In First Class. Well, Alitalia First Class -- which is somewhat below Aeroflot's tourist standards.

First off, the seats are identical to the coach seats except that they try not to put anybody in the middle seat. This is not overly difficult as only an idiot would shell out the big bucks to be in FC. While coach was jammed, FC had four people in it -- I figure that, like me, they were all on award flights.

Shortly after take off, they closed the curtain separating Coach from FC and the second curtain separating FC from the galley area. That is the last we saw of the FA's for about 30 minutes -- and, no, they had not offered us a pre-flight drink.

Then they came around with lunch. It was some kind of meat -- and I still have no idea of what. It was accompanied by two warm rolls but nothing -- not even a tiny bit of jelly -- to go on them. I asked for some butter but was told they had none.

I should not have been surprised. Before takeoff, I had asked for a second pillow and was also told they were out of them.

The movie sounded fine but could not been seen because it was too dark. When I pointed this out to an FA, she told me that it was a night scene (it wasn't). About 15 minutes into the movie, when it was still too dark to see, they ended it.

I would have listened to music but the audio program was not working and AZ does not let you have your own CD player.

Sleeping would have been a good idea but apparently everybody in Coach decided to tramp through the FC section to use the bathroom in the front. The FA's didn't say a word -- of course, it was possible that they believed we had 200 people sitting in front of the cabin.

But all good things must come to an end and so did this AZ flight. It landed at TLV's new terminal, which everybody is raving about, and instead of being able to walk only about 20 meters to Passport Control we now have about a 500 meter trip which involves two walking sidewalks and a lot of space that is just old fashioned hiking.

I am now home, trip over. It was a lot of long, boring, flying and like any good F/Ter I can't wait for my next one!