Double or Nothing
 

On Purpose

It took me two full days to wrap up my last trip of the year and return to PDX after spending a week in New York. I had booked my trip as EWR to IAD to SFO to PDX just so I could fly the transcon in C class on a internationally configured 777. When I checked in with the RCC concierge at EWR, she looked at my three segment itinerary and asked with slight astonishment, "you booked this on purpose?"

I guess some people just don't comprehend the FlyerTalk mentality. My itinerary clearly made a lot of sense to me at the time. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif Given the full extent of my travels this year, I certainly wasn't desperate for extra miles but I no longer consider paying a higher fare to fly on a dilapidated 767-200 from JFK to be worth it. And besides, I figured that with the recent disappearance of semi-reasonable "A" fares on UA's "premium" transcon flights soon after the demise of National Airlines, my "employee class" days seemed to be over for good. That's why I decided that EWR would be my official embarkation point from now on.

Taking Care of Business

The concierge also could not fathom why I was checking in at 9:45AM for a 2:45PM flight. I patiently explained that I planned to attend a very important business meeting for a few hours and that I might possibly be running late. So if my flight is later delayed or cancelled, the fact that I have already checked in will make it easier for UA to reaccommodate me on alternative travel arrangements. I did not share the fact that this particular business meeting had been arranged at CO's Presidents Club. And as a matter of fact, this was actually my third business meeting at EWR this week. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

As I finished the check-in process, I successfully negotiated with the RCC concierge to upgrade my flights using five 500 E-certs instead of an HK49. In doing so, however, she made sure that I fully understood the fact HK49s will expire if one does not eventually use them. Of course, I thanked her profusely for clearly elucidating this complicated topic for me. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

After finishing my arrangements in the RCC, I managed to traverse CO's terminal A2 security, which is separate from the UA part of the terminal at A1. This meant that I didn't need to allow for as much time to get back to the UA gates and that I could enjoy the company of "Francesco", who was scheduled to be tending bar at that particular Presidents Club. While sipping a few of Francesco's excellent Bloody Marys, I learned that CO has cut back so much that they no longer provide the horseradish needed to give this drink the proper zing. So Fransesco brings his own horseradish from home! This is yet another example of how the wisdom and generosity of one employee can single handedly attempt to fight his company's rapid descent into mediocrity.

By about 2:00PM, I wrapped up my important business meeting and began to trundle over to the UA gates so I could board my flight to IAD. My business colleague helpfully suggested that I should check on my flights before leaving the Presidents Club but, of course, I knew better and off I went.

Upgrade Degrade

After I successfully traversed a TSA security checkpoint for the third time that day, I realized that I had never been issued a boarding pass for my flight from SFO to PDX so I dropped by the RCC to get one printed. It was at that point that I learned that my flight to IAD was canceled! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/eek.gif UA had kindly rebooked me from EWR to ORD to PDX. In coach. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/frown.gif Given the fact that the flights were quite full, this meant that I would need to endure very cramped non-Economy Plus middle seats on both segments, the first on a 737-300 and the second on a A319. As far as I was concerned, that simply was not going to happen. Unfortunately, it appeared that there was no upgrade availability in C or F on any of the flights available for the remainder of the day. I spent quite a bit of time helping the friendly concierge to devise an alternative plan and that's how I found myself booked on a flight from JFK departing the next morning. Although I had really thought I was done with JFK for good, "just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

I arranged for a shuttle to take me from EWR to JFK Thursday morning and then tried to figure out where I would be spending the night. I had stayed at the EWR Marriott over the weekend and have no intention of ever returning there. The distressed passenger rates at the EWR Hilton were so usurious that even the RCC concierge was astounded. So I ultimately asked her to book a room for me at the EWR Sheraton, figuring I could make use of the exec lounge and pick up a few SPG points in the process.

continued ...


[This message has been edited by LarryU (edited 12-16-2002).]

[This message has been edited by LarryU (edited 12-16-2002).]

Double Trouble

As I finalized all of my arrangements, I happened to notice that my seat assignment on my JFK to SFO flight was 2F ... "employee" class! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/thumbsup.gif I have never received a double upgrade previously but I knew enough to play this one out very carefully because it could easily be snatched away from me at any time. If reasoned that if anyone at UA noticed the mistake, I could wind up in the back of Y and have no upgrade at all. From what I could see in the schedule when I subsequently checked the flight online, the C cabin on this flight appeared to be completely full.

As I was leaving the counter, I admired the United Will Stand pin that the concierge had affixed to her lapel. I asked her where I could get one for myself and she gave it me as a gift, assuring me that she would easily be able to acquire another one for herself. With that taken care of, I exited the club, pointed myself towards the monorail and journeyed over to the Sheraton to grab a snack and get some rest.

The next morning, the Princeton Airporter showed up 25 minutes late for the scheduled 7:00AM pickup at the ground transportation level of terminal A. After they finally disgorged me at JFK terminal 7 at about 8:45AM, I tried using the Easy Check-In machine but it didn't work for me, as usual. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/frown.gif Based on the error messages and cacophony of beeps and groans, the check-in machine seemed much more queasy than easy. In this particular instance, the problem was probably due to my last minute itinerary change but I am quite convinced that the machine hates me because I had previously made quite a few wisecracks about it. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

The Line of Least Resistance

My failure to check in electronically meant that I would now need to ask a humanoid to check me in and if the agent noticed the double upgrade, I would certainly lose it! So I sought out the longest non-premier line I could find, figuring that the agents there might be more harried and inexperienced than others. Unfortunately, after waiting patiently on line for about 10 minutes, I ultimately realized that the line actually was for America West. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/rolleyes.gif Being such a clever fellow, I soon concluded that it would probably behoove me to abandon that line because America West's agents might be just a tad too ignorant of UA policies and procedures. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

So I schlepped back to the UA check-in counter and was greeted by a slightly puzzled agent. She had earlier noticed me trying to check in with "Mr Queasy Check-in" Machine and was wondering why I had walked away. "Because you looked too competent," I said to myself. But instead, I mumbled that I hadn't noticed anyone behind the counter. After I handed over my ID, she pulled up my reservation and quickly observed that I had originally been scheduled to fly out of EWR the prior day.

United Will Stand

I didn't want her to concentrate too closely on my previous itinerary and figure out that my original booking class was in coach so I attempted to divert her attention by showing off the shiny new "United Will Stand" pin that I had appropriated from the concierge in the EWR RCC. In a sense, changing the topic of discussion is analogous to a plane dropping flares in order to divert the attention of heat seeking missiles. And dodging the upgrade-seeking missiles was of utmost importance to me right now. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

So we talked about all sorts of topics, i.e. anything but my pending flight. A half hour later, she asked me whether I wished to use 500s or an HK49 to support my upgrade, which I guess must have appeared as if it was from C to F. She then apologized for taking up so much of my time and sent me on my way. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

I hung out in the RCC until about 11:10, lurking in FT and wondering whether anyone at UA would detect the double upgrade in the interim. There was very little food to munch on, just a few lonely Milanos and Oreos, it was really quite pathetic, especially when compared to the EWR club, which seemed to be very well stocked with munchies throughout the day. And the free booze on the bar, something that I have been enjoying for many years, was also nowhere to be seen by the time I left the club to head for my flight.

Continued ...

My Station in Life

I was one of the last passengers to board the plane and was very surprised when I discovered that only three other passengers occupied the 10 seat F cabin. I recognized a couple of the JFK based crew but was not familiar with the FA working the F cabin. As she was serving my pre-departure drink, she asked me where I was "stationed." I wondered briefly whether revenue passengers have become so rare in some of these three class F cabins that it would engender this type of expectation. But my big fat body doesn't exactly resemble standard FA morphology and if I were a UA mechanic, I would be somewhat surprised if the FAs would even want to talk to me at all given recent events. So I guess she must have noticed the "United Will Stand" pin that had so effectively distracted the check-in agent two hours earlier.

After takeoff, I sipped a gin and tonic but it seemed rather weak for my tastes. Ironically, I actually can't stand the taste of gin so the only way I know that a drink has the right stuff is if I grimace when I drink it. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif This was the first time in many years in which I have started a JFK flight where I wasn't already three gins to the wind so I decided that I needed to rectify this situation ASAP. So I asked the FA to bring me tonic, ice and several Tanqueray bottles and to kindly replenish when empty.

Its Operational

Just as lunch service was about to begin, another passenger marched into F from the C cabin and helped himself to a seat in the middle section of row 2. Can you imagine the nerve of someone trying to sit in F when they shouldn't be there? http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif As the purser and I made eye contact, I motioned him over. He explained that the passenger was a 1K that was sitting next to a "fidgety" seat mate and they decided to rectify the situation by giving him an op upgrade to F.

I bet the purser expected me to be very angry at the fact that someone had been upgraded for free whereas passengers such as myself either purchased their seats with dollars, miles or upgrade certs. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif But instead, I told him that I thought it was an excellent idea and that UA should consider doing things like that more often!

Lunch included an appetizer comprised of well cooked "rare" tuna with wasabi, followed by paella, washed down with a so-so pinot noir and some more gin. The FA served a salad with parmesan peppercorn dressing, which was individually ladled out, just like in the olden days of fine service. UA even remembered to load a pepper mill so I didn't need to use the one I always bring along just in case I need some emergency fresh ground pepper. As I was about to eat the salad, the purser noticed that the course had been served in the wrong order and asked the FA to take it away and serve the soup first. The soup was a somewhat salty squash soup that wasn't as good as when I had enjoyed it on previous flights.

Impersonal Videos

As is usual on these old 762s, the personal videos didn't operate very well at all. Between tracking and audio glitches I wound up spending most of the time listening to MP3s. It was either that or suffer through "Spy Kids II", which was taking up space on the main screen. I usually wrap up these flights with a couple of glasses of Grand Marnier but none had been loaded. So I had to make do with a few white Russians, which were actually quite tasty.

We landed in SFO a little early and I bid adieu to the crew and what will probably be my last employee class trip for quite some time. Even if I were willing to continue paying for this service as I have done so frequently over the past few years, there are widespread rumors that UA is planning to deploy 757s on this route next year. And I guess that will end the entire concept of "Premium" transcon service once and for all, at least in the SFO market. It was a very fine service indeed a few years ago but the only premium aspect remaining is the price. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/frown.gif

As I started walking down the jetway, the FA smiled and said to me "you're quite the little drinker aren't you?" What can I say, since joining FlyerTalk three years ago, I have learned from some of the best. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

The sh*ttle flight from SFO to PDX was fairly uneventful. The good news was that it was an A320 that had not devolved into an A319, an event that seems to be a very frequent occurrence with UA. This was of more than passing importance to me because I was assigned seat 3D and the A319 only houses two rows of F seats. On the slightly negative side, they didn't have any gin at all! It was not that I actually needed to drink any more at this point but I had wanted to add a couple more bottles to the "wall of gin" that I have been building in my apartment. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

19 Miles Fewer

The following morning, when I checked my Mileage Plus account, it seems that I was awarded a 25% class of service bonus for the JFK segment, netting a total of 6919 miles for this trip. However, by my calculations, the original itinerary via IAD, including the 100% 1K bonus, should have yielded a total 6938 miles and an additional 333 status miles. I wonder whether I should call Mileage Plus and ask them to credit me with the missing 19 miles from my original itinerary. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

Although it certainly got off to a very bumpy start, this trip turned out to be a very fitting way to wrap up an extremely busy travel year, which included the attainment of Million Mile status in June and the parking of my butt in UA metal for 195,000 miles. Sometimes I feel like such a wimp for not flying the extra 5000 miles to attain 200K but I cannot honestly say that there are any real concrete incentives for doing so.

In any case, although service in F and C really has declined quite precipitously over the last couple of years, for my $230 fare, my last trip of the year was certainly worth every penny. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif


[This message has been edited by LarryU (edited 12-16-2002).]

Great Trip Report. You have a great sense of humor!!

I love a man who carries his own pepper grinder. Nice report. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

I always look forward to your drunken rambling, Larry. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

Too funny! Thanx for the chuckle Larry http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/biggrin.gif

Brother Larry U...

It's so good to see you doing your classic trip reports. Especially when they involve "Double Trouble."

Four PAWS UP!

larry...great report http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif

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MRKEY

This report was no doubt more fun for us to read than for you to fly, so thanks for a great read! I shall await the screen play!

Did you have a chance to visit the cockpit?

Yet another classic...

Loved you report Larry,

Thanks

Jay

[QUOTE]Originally posted by LarryU:
[b]My Station in Life

Lunch included an appetizer comprised of well cooked "rare" tuna with wasabi, followed by paella, washed down with a so-so pinot noir

Larry,

I bet I know where you can find good Pinot Noirs. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif

Great report. I read every word. http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/eek.gif

Dan