Worldtraveler36

SOME AVIATION HUMOR TO GET YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT. THIS PROBABLY BELONGS SOMEWHERE ELSE!?, BUT AS I LIVE(NOT KIDDING!) ON TRIP REPORTS, FELT AT HOME LEAVING IT HERE, ENJOY.

The 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation..

1. I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.

2. Me? I've never busted minimums.

3. We will be on time, maybe even early.

4. Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.

5. I have no interest in flying for the airlines.

6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.

7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.

8. I'm a member of the mile high club.

9. I only need glasses for reading.

10. I broke out right at minimums.

11. The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.

12. Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.

13. If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.

14. I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in a Lear.

15. We shipped the part yesterday.

16. I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.

17. All you have to do is follow the book.

18. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.

19. We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.

20. Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.

21. I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.

22. No need to look that up, I've got it all memorised.

23. Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?

24. We'll be home by lunchtime.

25. Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.

26. I'm always glad to see the FAA.

27. We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.

28. It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?

29. I thought YOU took care of that.

30. I've got the field in sight.

31. I've got the traffic in sight.

32. Of course I know where we are going.

33. I'm SURE the gear was down.

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Michael
AA PLT,1 MLN Miles+
Hilton Gold
Sheraton Gold
Marriot Silver

Seiple

Probably belongs over in another forum other than trip reports but thanks anyway. This list is funny everytime I see it.

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Jason Seiple
JAX

Worldtraveler36

Hey Jason, thanks. What would be a good forum for something like this? ciao

MatthewClement

Omni.

Worldtraveler36

"Omni"

cheers, will check it out. A new board to play on

Gaucho100K

For me the greatest lie of all is the water landing scenario... ever heard of a water landing where pax survived?

Beef or Chicken?

Yes.

[This message has been edited by Beef or Chicken? (edited 03-02-2002).]

Steve M

I once was seated in FC immediately opposite the FA jump seat (if you've flown HP, you know that the passengers in the left first row of FC on many of their aircraft sit knee-to-knee with the FAs). During taxi, I asked the FA what they thought the chances of survival in a water landing was. She laughed, and agreed that she had never heard of a commercial passenger aircraft actually ditching in the ocean and having passengers survive. I'm sure that it's probably happened somewhere, but it's rare enought that this passenger, as well as the FA, could not think of a single example. Although, I agree that the situation of the out-of-fuel ocean ditch off the east coast of Africa a few years ago probably would have been very controlled had the hijackers not been wrestling with the pilots for control of the aircraft at the moment of impact.

Gaucho100K

Beef or Chicken, would you care to elaborate...

Eugene

Yes. See http://www.airsafe.com/events/ditch.htm .