Prestwickuk

MAA - LHR: BA 0036. October 26. Boeing 777 (last ever flight from MAA as it turns out!)

My work takes me to various places on various airlines all year round. I've enjoyed flights as far afield as Tokyo and San Francisco mostly based out of London and mostly in Y if I'm honest. Sometimes though you collect enough points and kudos that you get that bump into J right when you need it most.

I would say my flight back from Chennai MAA in India was certainly one of those times...

A prelude.

Between mid 2013 and late 2014 I had been back and forth between the UK and India. I work for a large IT multinational and I was leading a deployment of our services in Chennai - formerly known as Madras for those who have a waxed moustache, sport a monocle and still enjoy a G&T in the twilight dusk of a warm summer's evening.

The reason why I was back and forth was because problems kept occurring on site and with all due respect to my local colleagues, my bosses felt that it'd be better to send me on my own each time to fix these problems. Soon I gained the monikers of "Mr India" and the (not so PC) "Viceroy". In October there was yet another problem that had to be fixed post haste and so once again I found myself booking flights back to India.

Luckily our internal booking service - run by Amex - recommended BA to India. This is good because it isn't exactly straightforward getting to MAA from LHR!

Previously I had tried Lufthansa routed via FRA but found it absolutely godawful. Qatar Airways via DOH (or as I found) was just as bad and actually kinda put me off Middle Eastern carriers to be honest unless I win the EuroMillions! So for me the chance to fly direct via BA was one I couldn't turn down.

The flight to India was first to BLR which by Indian standards is a top notch airport. That flight was in WT+ and frankly pleasant and uneventful so I won't be covering that leg here. Nor will I cover the short hop between BLR and MAA - even if it sported a Dutch pilot who looked like a very drunk Julian Assange.

What I will cover is the leg back via MAA.

MAA Airport

One of the nice things about Chennai is that their decent hotels - the Westin and the ITC chain luxury hotels - offer excellent luxury car transfers to the airport so luckily I was able to be driven straight to the international terminal. Annoyingly as I was nearing the airport I saw a huge billboard advert triumphantly proclaiming the start of BA's 787 service to MAA. The first flight? Monday 27 October. Bugger.

MAA has had a..bit of a reputation in the past half-decade. A lot of the terminal buildings are decades old and from another era. An investment program had commenced in 2012 but sadly Chennai and the state of Tamil Nadu aren't exactly world renown for spending money wisely or transparently. Both the domestic and international terminals have been rebuilt but only partially as they rather awkwardly connect to the older buildings.

The fact that it proudly proclaims itself to be "ISO 9001:200 compliant!" from neon signs didn't exactly reassure me.

Also, during the design, nobody factored in what effect the hot and humid weather in Chennai would have on glass panels. This means that you're looking up most of the time watching out for large glass panels that are cracking and occasionally spontaneously exploding due to constant expansion and contraction.

Ceiling collapses are common as are what one Western passenger told me were "toilet tsunamis". This is where the plumbing breaks down to such an extent that all the toilets overflow and flood the entire block as a result. The fact that each toilet cubicle have high pressure hoses only adds to the spectacular - if disgusting - water feature cascading into the terminal.

One thing that MAA symbolises is India's indefatigable resistance to the march of technology. Whereas elsewhere law enforcement use computers, PDAs and tablets linked to databases listing the identities of known ne'er do wells and ruffians, India's Airport paramilitaries simply post a sentry at the front door who, armed with a clipboard and a sterling sub-machine gun, acts as a glorified doorman, making sure your name is on the list of those flying today.

Another thing which MAA doesn't have are self-service machines so if you don't like talking to people then frankly tough, you're going to have to I'm afraid. If you've checked in online then you're required to print out your boarding documents prior to going to the terminal though as I found out you can just jump the huge queue and find one of the many roaming BA staff and ask them if you can join the online check in or even the CW queue to check in.

Once there as long as there is space on the plane in J, you will always be offered the chance to POUG. Prices may vary though. In the event I asked immediately for an AUP and the man, without blinking or missing a beat, replied with "35,000 rupees, sir."

�350 for CW on a flight that has been paid for me through work? Get in! Naturally I paid and promptly got upgraded to CW seat 11K. I didn't realise the significance of this until later on.

Once checked in, you then have to run the gauntlet of Indian immigration and security. This is very similar to leaving Turkey - full on immigration, the filling out of forms and the surly paramilitary types manning the security area.

Indian airport security tends to differ depending on the airport. BLR's paramilitaries were nice and friendly while MAA's ones always seem to be incredibly angry. Although if I had to work in an airport where the lavatories resembled a set from Kevin Costner's Waterworld I'd be a bit peeved as well.

Airside and lounges.

Once through it was time to hit the lounge. BA, Lufthansa and half a dozen other airlines all share the same set of lounges. Emirates and Air India have their own lounges. There are two sets of lounges in the new terminal and another three in the old building. You get one voucher with your CW ticket and one voucher only. So if you enter one lounge that ticket is lost to you forever which means you can't enter another lounge.

Being the fool that I was, I reckoned the best way of not drowning in the flood of people and dirty water was to seek high ground so immediately went upstairs and sought out the clipper lounge. I took a left turn too early and instead entered a shabby lounge with IPL cricket on full blast and no booze.

Being a cricket purist and Doug Stanhope fan, both of these aspects immediately appalled me so I walked out and then realised that my BA flight was leaving from the very far end of the OLD terminal.

Upon getting there, I found the old Clipper lounge and attempted to enter. Despite it being 2am almost, the manager manning the desk was impeccably attired in a fine suit and was thankfully in a helpful mood. He carefully explained to me the rules and the importance of nursing your lounge voucher "until the very moment when you need to use it." He genuinely said this with a sweeping hand gesture to outside his little cantonment of tranquility to the chaos and pandemonium outside.

Old Indian terminals are kind of like mirrors to life outside. Chaos, not a lot of room and lots and lots of people. I immediately got his point.

In the end he let me in and thankfully I took a seat. The lounge was busy but most were quietly nursing drinks while using the slow wifi to reassure their loved ones that they were quite okay and that they'll eventually be released from the black hole of MAA quite soon.

The drinks on offer were the usual soft drinks, Kingfisher beer and a selection of locally distilled spirits. The barman had a top-notch waxed moustache and a lazy eye to match and he happily served me a glass of Royal Stag whisky on the rocks. I passed on the food as it appeared that the scores on these doors were an emphatic 1.

The lounge couldn't disguise the fact that one was still stuck in MAA. Lucky for me the lounge was literally ten steps away from the gate. So as soon as I heard the ca- actually sorry, there wasn't a call, I had to rely on looking at TripIt Pro and guestimating when the gate would open and luckily timed it well. Ended up at the front of the queue for CW with five minutes left before the gate opened.

Boarded and turned into the CW section and came to seat 11K which I found then to be the jackpot seat. Its right at the back of the CW cabin and you enter it via a mini-corridor. It is like having your own private cabin a la some of the more expensive looking airlines out there.

The Seat

The seat itself was very comfortable and received the Elemis goody bag along with a blanket and pillow. Storage was relatively good overhead and my coat for what was sure to be a frosty reception back home weather wise was put away in a locker by a very nice BA cabin crew member. The little drawer below though was only just big enough to fit my shoes in and I soon found that there wasn't much space to put stuff later in the flight.

When flat I found it easy to sleep on, being punch drunk after being up since 8am and flying out at 4am the next day certainly helped.

As it was a backwards facing seat, the view was superb and was we rose into the morning sky, we saw various monsoon weather fronts sweeping in from the sea. It really was a delight for the senses.

The service

Absolutely impeccable. Enjoyed a nice glass of champagne pre-take off and after that enjoyed a can of London Pride followed by some water to prepare the way for the mighty Glenlivet. After suffering Royal Stag for a week this was a welcome change. The staff were great and looked pretty happy with their lot. Luckily the rest of the passengers were polite and respectful as well which helped things along.

I can't remember what the food was but I was certain that it was delicious. Contrary to what some reviews said, I asked for and received desert AND cheese. It just seems that people use that one part of the menu to have a cheap dig at BA. So CX offer desert AND cheese on their menu, whoopie-frickin'-do! Big deal!

At the end of the flight, I asked for and got all the miniatures of Glenlivet and Johnny Walker black label that were available. I believe the BA cabin crew even looted the WT and WT+ trolleys as well which ensured that at least �50 of my �350 went towards restocking my drinks shelf.

After landing, I had a train to catch to Nottingham so was unable to use the arrivals lounge but if I use it next time I fly CW/F I'll be sure to give this a thorough review as well.

In all it certainly was an eventful 36 hours for me and I hope this review gives anybody flying out of MAA a few pointers about what to expect!

I humbly submit this review for consideration.