Unhappy about being upgraded. Why?
Sep 2, 2006, 7:18 am
#16
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Most people can forgive you if you do something bad to them, but some will never forgive you for doing something nice for them.
Sep 2, 2006, 7:29 am
#17
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Roswell, GA
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Originally Posted by TierFlyer
I think what struck me was not a strange BIL, but that people (in general) would turn down an upgrade.
Twenty+ years flying, never heard or seen such a thing.
Twenty+ years flying, never heard or seen such a thing.
Sep 2, 2006, 7:32 am
#18
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Originally Posted by TierFlyer
I think what struck me was not a strange BIL, but that people (in general) would turn down an upgrade.
Twenty+ years flying, never heard or seen such a thing.
Twenty+ years flying, never heard or seen such a thing.
Sep 2, 2006, 7:36 am
#19
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As bad as domestic F is (as compared to a few years ago), I would not turn down an upgrade from Y to F, even on a short hop of say PVD-ORD! 
Certainly not a confirmed upgrade for a whole family to Hawaii!
(Instead of the group sitting together in rows 2 & 3, the BIL thinks it's better to sit in 15A, 17D, 23F, etc... ) Or an international upgrade! 
Certainly not a confirmed upgrade for a whole family to Hawaii!
(Instead of the group sitting together in rows 2 & 3, the BIL thinks it's better to sit in 15A, 17D, 23F, etc... ) Or an international upgrade!
Sep 2, 2006, 7:50 am
#20
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nah, this wasn't about you at all. it was a nice gesture on your part, it's a pity your bil couldn't accept it, but he couldn't.
either he's worried about how his kids will behave in first (do they take the kids to nice restaurants? no? there's your answer) or he's worried about himself behaving in first class (does he even go to nice restaurants?) or he's just so insecure that he's not comfortable taking anything from you (or anyone else.)
he behaved poorly by cancelling the upgrades himself, but that kind of reinforces my feeling that he just doesn't quite know how to behave...it's not about you, you did the right thing. i'm sure you can find someone who'd appreciate those cr1s
either he's worried about how his kids will behave in first (do they take the kids to nice restaurants? no? there's your answer) or he's worried about himself behaving in first class (does he even go to nice restaurants?) or he's just so insecure that he's not comfortable taking anything from you (or anyone else.)
he behaved poorly by cancelling the upgrades himself, but that kind of reinforces my feeling that he just doesn't quite know how to behave...it's not about you, you did the right thing. i'm sure you can find someone who'd appreciate those cr1s
Sep 2, 2006, 7:59 am
#21
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Interesting reactions. I too would basically see F seats for 3 year olds as a waste. I would take him at his word and consider him thoughtful for likely figuring there were other people who would appreciate the extra space and meals far more than his young children. I would not see this about being about you at all. You did something kind; he also likely has the best of intentions. I wouldn't fret over it. You obviously like each other enough to go on vacation together so I can't imagine this is anything more than what he has told you.
Last edited by l etoile; Sep 2, 2006 at 8:06 am
Sep 2, 2006, 8:52 am
#22
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Originally Posted by sylaw72
Hello everyone, something has bothered me for quite a while, and I want to see if FTers, people who fly the most, might be able to share some insight that would make me feel better.
For a family trip last month, Me, Mrs. sylaw72, her brother, sister-in-law, and 3 kids, 6-years old, and two 3-year old twins were all going to Hawaii for our very first family trip together (actually, his first family vacation with the twins). I booked the traveling itinerary (with his knowledge and approval), and decided to try to upgrade all of us. Incredibly, I was able to use my stack of CR1s to upgrade all of us about 6 weeks before the flight. I was quite happy that I did that, so I told my brother-in-law about it. His first response was that he didn't want to be upgraded because it would be a waste for his small kids. I told him that the certificates were free, and that some of them were expiring anyway. Because I couldn't talk then, I told him that why don't we talk about it some more at a scheduled lunch gathering that we have the together the next day, and he said OK. (this entire conversation was about 1 minute, and took place around around 930PM). Around 11PM that night, I got an email from him that informed me, in a polite manner, that he didn't want the upgrade, so he called UA to cancelled the upgrade for his own family of five, and just decided to sit back in coach. He was unable to get seating assignments (because he was only a general member, and the available seating assignments were given out) until the airport, but he was OK with that, because he figured that UA will be accommodating to families with kids.
Can anyone give me a good reason why someone would not want an upgrade (for a 5 hour trip to Hawaii)? If I can find some rationale that makes sense to me, then I wouldn't feel so bad thinking that he did it because he has something against me. Thanks for listening.
For a family trip last month, Me, Mrs. sylaw72, her brother, sister-in-law, and 3 kids, 6-years old, and two 3-year old twins were all going to Hawaii for our very first family trip together (actually, his first family vacation with the twins). I booked the traveling itinerary (with his knowledge and approval), and decided to try to upgrade all of us. Incredibly, I was able to use my stack of CR1s to upgrade all of us about 6 weeks before the flight. I was quite happy that I did that, so I told my brother-in-law about it. His first response was that he didn't want to be upgraded because it would be a waste for his small kids. I told him that the certificates were free, and that some of them were expiring anyway. Because I couldn't talk then, I told him that why don't we talk about it some more at a scheduled lunch gathering that we have the together the next day, and he said OK. (this entire conversation was about 1 minute, and took place around around 930PM). Around 11PM that night, I got an email from him that informed me, in a polite manner, that he didn't want the upgrade, so he called UA to cancelled the upgrade for his own family of five, and just decided to sit back in coach. He was unable to get seating assignments (because he was only a general member, and the available seating assignments were given out) until the airport, but he was OK with that, because he figured that UA will be accommodating to families with kids.
Can anyone give me a good reason why someone would not want an upgrade (for a 5 hour trip to Hawaii)? If I can find some rationale that makes sense to me, then I wouldn't feel so bad thinking that he did it because he has something against me. Thanks for listening.
OTOH, anytime in the future you're looking to give away some CR1 upgrades, I'd be happy to help you. Perhaps I could be adopted into your family?
Sep 2, 2006, 9:08 am
#23
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In re-reading the OP, my question is whether the BIL had ever exhibited behavior that (at any time before this episode) would have made you believe that he MIGHT have a problem with an upgrade?
If not, your gesture was perfectly OK and well-meaning - conversely, as long as he was civil about it, he was also well within the bounds of your relationship to turn them down.
Another thing - I'm not clear whether the BIL and family had coach seat assignments before the upgrades - if not, you could have presented the uogrades as something like this: "I got us all moved into seats that are together, so that we don't have you all being assigned to different rows".
If not, your gesture was perfectly OK and well-meaning - conversely, as long as he was civil about it, he was also well within the bounds of your relationship to turn them down.
Another thing - I'm not clear whether the BIL and family had coach seat assignments before the upgrades - if not, you could have presented the uogrades as something like this: "I got us all moved into seats that are together, so that we don't have you all being assigned to different rows".
Sep 2, 2006, 10:00 am
#24
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Maybe he just doesn't want to spoil his kids.
Or maybe he's afraid that on future trips for the next 15 years, all he'll hear is "Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? " for hours on end.
Or maybe he's afraid that on future trips for the next 15 years, all he'll hear is "Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? " for hours on end.
Sep 2, 2006, 10:17 am
#25
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I agree with this idea.
I remember my first flight ever -- I was 8, my brother was 11ish, and my sister was 14ish. Prior to this, the only vacations my faily could ever afford were camping trips. (Very fun, though!)
My working-class Dad saved his money for AGES to take the kids to good ol' Wally World. Although I was young, I remember arriving at the airport in my new "travel clothes" my Mom has sewed for me herself. To make a long story short, there was some issue -- overbooking or no 5 seats together, or something. My Dad somehow talked to the agent and convinced her to upgrade us all to F for the flight to Orlando. (This was Eastern Airlines, to give you an idea of the timeframe.
)
After flying down there, being completely amazed at the view and getting repeat servings of the blueberry muffins and OJ for breakfast, my dad spent probably half the trip to Wally World explaining to us kids that the flight home "won't be half as nice as the flight here." He was really concerned that we kids would complain at the lack of blueberry muffins on the return trip.
I think there's some truth to the idea of not wanting to spoil the kids or give them a reason to constantly ask why we can't have the "good seats" "like we did when we went to Hawaii."
Parents these days deal with so much of that. ("Why can't I have the $150 sneakers; EVERYONE ELSE does...", and so on.) Kids don't grasp the difference in price, so maybe it's just not worth it to him to take the chance that he'll have to deny their requests later. (Even though 3 and 6 are probably too young to really notice the difference. I don't recall feeling "gypped" when we returned in Y after flying down in F, and I was 8.)
When I think back to my Dad's situation, if I generalize his story, there's another aspect, too. I don't know the financial situation of you or your BIL, but for my Dad, being able to take his family on such a fancy trip was, I am sure, a source of great pride for him. Maybe your BIL is feeling somewhat the same way, and is too proud to be one-upped (even if that's not quite true) in his big moment.
Anyway, just a thought on what he *may* be going through!
I remember my first flight ever -- I was 8, my brother was 11ish, and my sister was 14ish. Prior to this, the only vacations my faily could ever afford were camping trips. (Very fun, though!)
My working-class Dad saved his money for AGES to take the kids to good ol' Wally World. Although I was young, I remember arriving at the airport in my new "travel clothes" my Mom has sewed for me herself. To make a long story short, there was some issue -- overbooking or no 5 seats together, or something. My Dad somehow talked to the agent and convinced her to upgrade us all to F for the flight to Orlando. (This was Eastern Airlines, to give you an idea of the timeframe.
)After flying down there, being completely amazed at the view and getting repeat servings of the blueberry muffins and OJ for breakfast, my dad spent probably half the trip to Wally World explaining to us kids that the flight home "won't be half as nice as the flight here." He was really concerned that we kids would complain at the lack of blueberry muffins on the return trip.
I think there's some truth to the idea of not wanting to spoil the kids or give them a reason to constantly ask why we can't have the "good seats" "like we did when we went to Hawaii."
Parents these days deal with so much of that. ("Why can't I have the $150 sneakers; EVERYONE ELSE does...", and so on.) Kids don't grasp the difference in price, so maybe it's just not worth it to him to take the chance that he'll have to deny their requests later. (Even though 3 and 6 are probably too young to really notice the difference. I don't recall feeling "gypped" when we returned in Y after flying down in F, and I was 8.)
When I think back to my Dad's situation, if I generalize his story, there's another aspect, too. I don't know the financial situation of you or your BIL, but for my Dad, being able to take his family on such a fancy trip was, I am sure, a source of great pride for him. Maybe your BIL is feeling somewhat the same way, and is too proud to be one-upped (even if that's not quite true) in his big moment.
Anyway, just a thought on what he *may* be going through!
Originally Posted by swag
Maybe he just doesn't want to spoil his kids.
Or maybe he's afraid that on future trips for the next 15 years, all he'll hear is "Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? " for hours on end.
Or maybe he's afraid that on future trips for the next 15 years, all he'll hear is "Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? Why can't we fly in first class, Dad??? " for hours on end.
Sep 2, 2006, 10:48 am
#26
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My money goes to the indebtedness theory. I have the same sort of problem accepting other peopleīs kindness...though Iīm not likely to turn down an upgrade offer. I donīt turn down dinner offers, in Tokyo, either.
Sep 2, 2006, 11:01 am
#27
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Originally Posted by Sunnyhere
My money goes to the indebtedness theory. I have the same sort of problem accepting other peopleīs kindness...though Iīm not likely to turn down an upgrade offer. I donīt turn down dinner offers, in Tokyo, either.
Sep 2, 2006, 3:03 pm
#28
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Hoboken, NJ, USA
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I seem to recall a thread or post on FT some time ago in which the poster did not want to be upgraded because he/she didn't want to get spoiled by first class and then have to go back to coach. Not my way of thinking at all, but it takes all kinds.
I really hope the BIL will give his reasons now that we're all so curious.
I really hope the BIL will give his reasons now that we're all so curious.
Sep 2, 2006, 3:15 pm
#29
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If Chertoff, et. al., can convince the general public that their kabuki security actually makes us safer, maybe they can also convince the public that they don't want to sit up front. That will leave more F seats for the rest of us.
No one ever got rich overestimating the intelligence of the American public.
No one ever got rich overestimating the intelligence of the American public.
Sep 2, 2006, 4:21 pm
#30
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I don't think anyone asked this question but due to his decision to move back to coach, would you & your wife go with them or stay in F?
I would feel awkward if my companions stayed in the back while I'm up front.
I would feel awkward if my companions stayed in the back while I'm up front.