Unhappy about being upgraded. Why?
 

Hello everyone, something has bothered me for quite a while, and I want to see if FTers, people who fly the most, might be able to share some insight that would make me feel better.

For a family trip last month, Me, Mrs. sylaw72, her brother, sister-in-law, and 3 kids, 6-years old, and two 3-year old twins were all going to Hawaii for our very first family trip together (actually, his first family vacation with the twins). I booked the traveling itinerary (with his knowledge and approval), and decided to try to upgrade all of us. Incredibly, I was able to use my stack of CR1s to upgrade all of us about 6 weeks before the flight. I was quite happy that I did that, so I told my brother-in-law about it. His first response was that he didn't want to be upgraded because it would be a waste for his small kids. I told him that the certificates were free, and that some of them were expiring anyway. Because I couldn't talk then, I told him that why don't we talk about it some more at a scheduled lunch gathering that we have the together the next day, and he said OK. (this entire conversation was about 1 minute, and took place around around 930PM). Around 11PM that night, I got an email from him that informed me, in a polite manner, that he didn't want the upgrade, so he called UA to cancelled the upgrade for his own family of five, and just decided to sit back in coach. He was unable to get seating assignments (because he was only a general member, and the available seating assignments were given out) until the airport, but he was OK with that, because he figured that UA will be accommodating to families with kids.

Can anyone give me a good reason why someone would not want an upgrade (for a 5 hour trip to Hawaii)? If I can find some rationale that makes sense to me, then I wouldn't feel so bad thinking that he did it because he has something against me. Thanks for listening.

[QUOTE=sylaw72].....he didn't want to be upgraded because it would be a waste for his small kids.

Hi, sylaw72! Hey, take him at his word! No hidden agenda. F seats are wasted on people under 100lbs. Y seats are more than enough for kids. He left F seats available for other pax who could use them more, like me, that's all. And please relay my thanks for his consideration. Don't feel bad!

Could be he thinks he'll be really embarrassed (or guilty) if he can't control the kids in F. That one is simple, rational, and has no hidden political or social agendas behind it. :-)

Your brother in law is an idiot?

Or, your brother in law is an idiot.

You managed to upgrade all seven of you and he flushes that down the toilet?

I agree with jd2000; perhaps he's worried about behavior problems. Maybe he thinks he'll be asked to move his family back to Y mid-flight if the kids act up (or simply act like kids)?

Perhaps he's suffering some sort of "pride" and is embarrassed that you're able to so easily move him and his family to F and "doesn't want your charity."

Perhaps he's afraid of spoiling the kids (and knowing he'll not likely ever be able to upgrade his family, doesn't want them experiencing it)?

Or maybe he's just an idiot. So is my brother in law.

Very generous of of the original poster indeed! ^

But since this -- "Can anyone give me a good reason why someone would not want an upgrade" -- is the original poster's question (and not, "why wouldn't someone want an upgrade on United" as opposed to another airline) I'm going to move this to Travel Buzz which is the place for general discussion and where the question can get wider exposure from many different airlines' fliers.

Thanks.

cblaisd
Moderator, United

I would vote with "pride" followed by "fear of indebtedness" then "insecurity as a provider".

low self esteem? doesn't feel like he "belongs" in F?

You would be surprised by the number of people who turn down upgrades. I have been dealing with oversold flights recently and picking out appropriate people for op-ups. I would estimate that about 20% of passengers who are offered upgrades decline for whatever reason. Some even get abusive and violent - I remember one lady who tore up her upgraded boarding pass (for an international long-haul flight no less) and threw it in the check-in agent's face screaming "I don't need your ****ing charity b****!!!!".

Do, please, give us an update on Monday after your lunch gathering... This is better than a soap opera ^

IME, some people simply don't want to feel indepted. In this case, the BIL might have felt that he needed to "repay" the OP somehow during the vacation (like paying for dinner, sightseeing trips etc.), and he simply didn't feel it was worth it in this case. So not taking the upgrade (especially as he thinks it's basically a waste on the kids) gives him peace of mind and he can enjoy the vacation without thinking about ways and means to "repay" the OP.

Wow. He doesn't even care that he can't get seating together for his family of 5 including little kids? And assumes that United will take care of him? My own brother can be an idiot sometimes too, but he if gave my family a free upgrade to Hawaii, I'd be all over it.

Don't try and get him an upgrade at the hotel. He'd be very happy with the small room overlooking the roof rather than the suite overlooking the ocean.

I have a friend who believes so strongly that all people should be equal in every way that he most assuredly would decline an upgrade.

Can't happen to us FTers - we always feel entitled rather than indepted :cool: .
I assume that you're right with your observation and still think that the reaction
of the brother in law was incredibly rude. Given the effort and the luck it takes
to secure such an upgrade.
The only excuse I can think of is that he has not yet been 'sucked into the system'
and does not yet know that sitting in F/C is the meaning of life.
Won't happen to anyone who already got exposed to the addiction.
Last survivor of any pre-1989 movement? It is nice to see that people's
credo survives much historical counterevidence.

I think what struck me was not a strange BIL, but that people (in general) would turn down an upgrade.

Twenty+ years flying, never heard or seen such a thing.

Wow. This is showing even less judgment than my friend who lives in Japan, and decided, completely on his own, and with complete forethought, to buy a French car.