Yesterday in C on a UA 76x I was seated next to some GenX genius financier, who got on the airphone about ten minutes after we left SFO heading to DEN. For the next hour and forty five minutes I was subjected to his shouting into the phone about the big IPO and how many warrants and "F***K this" and "that's bullsh**t" on and on and on. I put my headphones on, turned them up and still heard this creep. When he used the foul language I shot him an hairy eyeball, he just rolled his eyes and kept on talking.

I am not one to involve the FA's, but do I really have to put up with somebody's conference call for the entire time I am in the air? Could I have written him a note on a napkin, or spoken up to a flight attendant? Or should I just have grabbed the handset out of his manicured paw and beaten about the head and shoulders with it.

If the FAA/FCC allows cell conversations in flight, the airlines had better chain the ice breakers to the galley wall, or the headline will read something like "Can you hear me now! - Irate pax bludgeons inconsiderate cell phone user into a coma."

Seriously, its his dime on the phone, but what rights to I have not to be subjected to the next guy's vocal diarrhea?

I would have considered spilling spicy-tomato all over his pants.

I'd have joined in the conversation, since its volume indicates it was open to anyone.

"What do you mean that's Bulls***? I'm buying one *million* shares. Have you seen the reports and financials? Does the CEO know what you're up to???"

And so on. I would have made it impossible for him to get any words in without having to try to tune out me and my participation in his loud conversation. Eventually, a truce would be declared, I guarantee it.

I just would have asked him nicely to talk a little quieter.
If he wasn't nice enought to comply, then you would have no other option.

Spillage.

...pour some salt on his cellular telephone battery...

I thought it was illegal to use the cell phone while the aircraft door is shut...at least, that's waht they tell me on my weekly flight on WN....

The OP said it was an air phone (built into the arm rest) and not a cell phone

This wasn't a cell phone; it was the built-in Verizon Airfone found on most United planes. Calls are only 10 cents a minute if you're a Verizon Wireless subscriber (as opposed to much, much higher fees charged before) so passengers are starting to use the Airfone more and more these days.

If you were window and he was aisle, you could have made him get up to let you out every 5 minutes

Maybe even accidentally ripped the phone cord out while squeezing through and profusely apologize to the FA

Do not turn headphones up loud.

You might have a case against him (disturbing the peace, not assault and battery) because of his loud voice but not becaus of the exact words he is saying.

The fact he is speaking into a phone is not relevant.

Travel tips:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/travel.htm

Out of curiousity, what could the FA have done about it? (I'm a FA). I can predict the outcome:
FA: Could you please speak more quietly, you are disturbing others around you.
AirPhoner: @#$#@ you.

Oh I think this one is pretty easy... having worked in that industry, I'd guess that this guy did something that's both common and a big no-no. If you were able to catch 1. the name of his employer, and 2. any one of the parties involved in the transaction (or any identifying information at all), you should call the compliance office at his employer and let them know.

"I was sitting next to this guy on flight so and so and he was going on for 90 minutes, swearing about whether or not KKR was going to up their offer from Toys R Us... dude looks like [...] and I was wondering, does this represent an official recommendation from your firm that Toys R Us is on your 'buy list'?"

This was one thing they hammered in to us - don't talk about real stuff even in an elevator if you think you could possibly be heard. People get fired for even inadvertent disclosure. Of course, that presumes you get caught, and fat-head "masters of the universe" never think they'll get caught (see: Mike Milken).

Well, you could take out a pen and paper and start jotting down everything he says....

or there's the old standby:

Pick up your own cell phone (turned off will do, thumb and pinkie will do too....)

Scream into phone (hand, whatever)
HELLO?? WHAT'S THAT?? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I'M SITTING NEXT TO SOME A$$HOLE WHO IS SCREAMING INTO HIS TELEPHONE.

It's even better if you start repeating details-

YEAH, HE'S TALKING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT TO BUY XXXX

or

HE SAYS HIS MOTHER JUST PASSED A KIDNEY STONE AND...

That'll get his attention

The fact that he was talking on the phone isn't relevant. It wouldn't annoy me any less if he were having the same conversation with his seatmate.

I agree with bigred93

I would have made it quite obvious that I was taking notes on his conversation, especially if he was name dropping, and such.

You could slip him a note that says "I work for the SEC. Which firm to you work for? May I see your boarding pass so that I can write down your name?"