I need some expert opinions on this incident. I am a relatively frequent flier, but not nearly as experienced as most of you.

I was on a late DL flight from LGA to ATL, sitting in coach. The runway was crowded so we sat for a while before takeoff. Before we took off, the man in front of me reclined his seat. No flight attendant seemed to notice this, as they had already done their pre-takeoff cabin check. I am fairly tall, 5'10" and was wearing heeled boots as I didn't have time to change my shoes before the flight. So this made my legs pretty long and made the seat reclining extremely uncomfortable, as it was mashed into my knees. I tried to get comfortable, and in the process, bumped the back of his seat quite a bit (it was impossible to avoid as there was simply nowhere to go without my legs having contact with his seat, so any move I made would touch his seat). About 30 minutes after takeoff, the man turned around and chewed me out for "kicking his seat continually since before we took off." I didn't really know what to say, and basically said "well I don't have much room here" to which he responded in a very sarcastic tone of voice "It's coach, none of us have much room" and turned back around. I must admit that after that, I did not exactly make an effort to not disturb him, and he later turned around again and gave me the same spiel again, then got up and said he was going to get a flight attendant. The FA must not have been too sympathetic to his story, as no one ever said anything to me, and the man apparently spent the rest of the flight somewhere else, returning only when we were about to land.

So my question is, was I rude? Is it normal to recline one's seat, and should I have been more accomodating in trying not to disturb him? How should I handle such an incident in the future?

He reclined his seat BEFORE YOU TOOK OFF?

You should have immediately pressed the call button to alert one of the FAs. Seats are supposed to be in the upright position for take-off and landing, for very good safety reasons.

Do you really want to know if you were rude, or do you just want to tell us all how rude he was?

I can't see anything you did that would be considered rude. On the other hand, it distresses me to see and to hear of people insisting on their "right" to recline their economy seat its measly 4 inches or so even when they know they are causing discomfort for another passenger in doing so. If it's accidental, that's one thing, but it really disturbs me when someone acts as if the extremely minor comfort offered by reclining a Y seat is worth causing rather significant discomfort to someone else, simply because "I can." You'd think airlines would have some kind of policy against letting that kind of wild animal on the plane.

For the record, the above is not a self-justifying rant; my stature is sufficiently compact that I have never been adversely affected by a reclining seat in front of me.

I'm sorry, but I can't agree that anyone who uses a seat as it was intended to be used (including the recline) is for that reason alone a "wild animal." Economy airline seats are uncomfortable enough as it is. Forcing someone, who paid for a seat known to recline and who reasonably expects to use it as advertised, to endure a flight in its fully upright position is cruel. Flight attendants have been known to inform people behind reclined seats that it is a passenger's right to recline. Several airlines, as posted elsewhere, forbid the use of any device (such as the "knee defender") that is intended to block full recline.

That doesn't mean we have the right to bounce up and down at any time during the flight with total disregard for the poor bloke or blokess behind us. Reasonable courtesy, including checking to make sure we won't bump anything critical if we recline, reclining slowly, accepting some amount of bumping from the confined space to the rear, and not reclining during mealtimes, ought to be standard expectations. But those are not the same as being considered a "wild animal" for letting one's hand approach the recline button.

It comes down to reasonable consideration for fellow passengers, in both directions. Overreactions on either side tend to escalate and get out of hand, as some of us witnessed in a professional basketball game (or in news shows about it) a few days ago. Can't we all get along?

I agree, not rude. Goofus on the other hand What a jerk! At least he wasn't around the rest of the flight.

I personally never recline my coach seat entirely. Not only does it invade the space behind me but if I did recline all the way and I was trying to sleep for example, I'd have to put up with the people behind me more than likely bumping into my seat (advertantly or inadvertantly). It's just not worth it.

Proper response: "I don't have any room back here with your seat reclined."

Proper response: "You have a lot more room than I do with your seat reclined."

There have been many posts about seat reclining, and I've never seen consensus achieved as to whether reclining is fair or unfair.

First, that the incident took place prior to takeoff is not really relevant, since I don't think you would have felt much better about the man's irritable reproof of you for hitting the back of his seat had it occurred at a different time, say during the main course of the flight. So in my view this is less a question of justice, of who was rude or more accurately, of who was in the right, than it is of how to handle the inevitable irritable passenger whom one will meet on an airplane, be it in economy or business class.

As you no doubt know, airline staff are not infrequently the focus of attacks such as the one you received from your irritable co-passenger. The staff I admire most are those that resist the urge to defend themselves, even and perhaps especially when the attacker is in the wrong. I note that these staff seem to be most effective when they express sympathy with the passenger's emotions, if not the passenger's take on the situation ("I can appreciate how frustrated you must be, sir....") Especially in a situation where there is little either of you can do (you cannot change the spacing of the seating, and with or without reclining, seat knocks are a fact of life in economy), sometimes just listening and sympathizing with a person calms them down, and perhaps can make you feel better too.

No, you weren't rude.

I was on a jungle jet last month, and overheard something similar to what the OP mentioned. A man one row up and across from me was sitting in his seat while boarding was taking place. I was in the one seat row (A) and he was in the two seat row (A&B). There were two ladies that sat in the seats behind him. I didn't notice anything unusual, but he suddenly turned around and said in a loud voice "leave the seat back alone". The lady said she was just trying to get situated and that she was sorry. This guy must have been having a bad day, because his face was beet red. The two ladies were quiet after that, and didn't move around too much. The guy didn't recline his seat after takeoff. When we deplaned, he gave them a dirty look, but that was it.

I don't think I've been on a flight were my seat back hasn't been bumped or kicked. I'm sure it's by accident, as I've done it myself. It's the little kids that are hard to sit in front of. It's not really their fault, their legs are too short to bend so they stick straight out. And they can't keep still.

Welcome to FT!

Lessons learned:

1. Don't wear heeled boots when flying coach if you are tall (or take them off while sitting on the runway)

2. Be aware that seats were made to recline and some people will recline them for a variety of reasons (though they should not do this at take-off). I recline my seat because I have a bad back and can't sit bolt upright the whole flight. You too can recline your seat to make more space for yourself, just do so cautiously (I always look back first and recline slowly in case someone has a computer there, and minimize the recline to just what I need to take pressure off my back)

3. Try and get status using FT tips so you will be upgraded and the reclining issue won't be so important if you're in F.

The rows are simply too close together.

Leaning the seat back is not rude. Politely asking if it is possible to reach a compromise is not rude. Politely declining such a request, claiming size or back problems, is not rude.

Kicking the seat in front of you is rude.

If you did all you could to avoid kicking the seat but unavoidably did so, then so be it, but you admitted you did not. Even if you believed he was inconsiderate in leaning back, rudeness in return is even more a breach of manners.

We all hate to sit in coach. Manners ease the experience for all concerned.

Quiet "Miss Manners" Lion

I am surprised at how no one (apart from me) seems concerned about the fact that this person's seat was reclined during take-off. This is a safety issue.

Well said Efrem!

Regardind the actual story. Having the seat reclined during take-off was putting your and your seatmate's life at risk. You should have told him to raise the seat then or called a F/A.

But just as you don't want the one sitting behind you to disturb you, you shouldn't disturb the one in front of you. Getting up by holding the seat in front of you, putting your knees at the back of the seat, or kicking, are all things that can be pretty obnoxious. So don't do them.
The man probably could have told you in a better way, and you probably could behaved in a better way afterwards. So equally bad I'd say..

Aviatrix, if you are in the habit of being surprised, perhaps you should ask for additional clarifying details before passing judgment on others - such as my so-called disregard for airline safety. That was a cheap shot, and your defense of 'surprise' doesn't mitigate it.

It is not that reclining is irrelevant to safety. It is that the OP was apparently upset not by the safety violation, but by the violation to her feelings upon being verbally attacked by the stranger.

This particular incident has nothing to do with a passenger's right to recline his seat. It has to do with a passenger reclining his seat during takeoff; something he is NOT supposed to do. It's a very cut and dry issue. This is not about seat reclining in the middle of a flight.

I think amarain should have followed Aviatrix's advice.

While the incident began before takeoff, when as has been previously posted no seats should be reclined, the essence of the confrontation had nothing to do with when it happened. A careful reading of the original post, with comments such as the person in front turning around and complaining 30 minutes into the flight, followed by the OP's not making an effort not to disturb him, will confirm that.

Whether or not keeping seats upright before takeoff is really important to safety (granting that it is a rule that should be followed in either case), whether or not the FAs should have noticed, and whether or not anyone should have brought it to their attention given that they did not notice, are separate issues.