I can handle not wearing my Alden shoes because of the steel shank, the nonsense of debagging my laptop, the long lines at security, and yes, even the occasional gate grope, provided the groper asks for my permission before groping me, but I cannot handle removing my shoes for no enhanced safety whatsoever, to the detriment of my hygiene imaginary or real. I draw the line here.

So I offer the beginning of what I hope will become ways of dealing with the madness engulfing us currently, and reassure myself, this too shall pass.

1) I will always travel with my plastic shoehorn in my pocket. At checkpoints requiring me to remove my shoes before passing through the metal detector, I will decline, point out that my shoes have less than a one-inch heel if they do, and walk through anyway, accepting secondary screening and arriving at the airport with ample time for this charade. After sitting in the screening area and removing my shoes, I will remain with my feet in the air and decline to assume the position to be searched until my shoes are screened and returned to me. Thank you so much to Spiff for this last, essential element.

2) Realizing that TSA is perfect in its imperfection, I will presume that this disobedience will eventually be deemed a security risk. I will therefore begin stockpiling shower caps from hotel rooms at every chance, so when the time of our insanity intensifies, I will be prepared. From that time onward, I will pack four shower caps with me when I travel. In my office or home before leaving for the airport, I will remove my shoes, place one shower cap over each of my stocking feet, and replace my shoes. At the checkpoint I will then remove my shoes when absolutely required to do so. Retrieving my shoes, I will sit in the screening area, remove my shower caps, and replace my shoes, all without ever allowing my stocking feet to touch the floor. I will repeat this procedure on the way home.

3) I will always require a TSA screener to wear a fresh pair of gloves before search my luggage, and before searching my person if contact with the screener shall be required. I shall inform the screener that I do not grant permission to him to place the hand-held metal detector directly on my person, and shall request a TSA supervisor whenever this request is not followed.

4) Finally, in keeping with Penn�s brilliant strategy, I will always file a complaint for assault whenever a screener pats me down without first obtaining my permission. See the following link for Penn�s heartfelt, funny story:
http://pennandteller.com/sincity/pen...ederalvip.html

This one isn't nonsense. It's hard to see through a bag when there's a laptop inside it.


Edit: Geeze, Penn can be a jerk. It's ok he's mean to us, but to treat National Guardsmen so poorly?

"The National Guard guy came over to me and said, "Would you get on the radio and talk to my platoon commander, we're really big fans," and I said, "I would never turn you down as a person. I would do it for you and your commander in a second, but, what you're doing is wrong, I don't approve, so I can't really do that now. I'm so sorry." He passed it on over the radio (Oh, I'll be treated well next time.)"

http://pennandteller.com/03/coolstuf...tyedition.html

[This message has been edited by CATSA Screener (edited 06-27-2003).]

I just wear a pair of those cotton-soled "kung-fu" slippers (the black ones) now. That way, my socks stay clean and I don't set off the detector.

So far, it seems to satisfy the TSA.

What a great line.

I will add it to list of one-liners.

Thanks RR

Heh. I liked the idea of the "Security Edition" of the Bill of Rights. I might just buy a few of those!

That sounded polite to me. I respect the fact that he is willing to stick to his principles at the risk of alienating his fans. Besides, true fans will approve of what he did.

Well, I was opposed to this recent war but there's no way in hell that I'd take it out in any way on the soldiers who were sworn to protect us. Those NGers were sacrificing just by being there. They were called up by the thousands and many had to leave school or well-paying jobs. The least we can do is show them some respect even if we don't agree with the reason they are there.

There was a war at the airports?

Wow, snappy comeback.

I'm not a fan of either of these guys as entertainers, but I do agree with their views and liberty and how they handled these requests. (And I did support the war.) There is a big difference between politely declining to do something extra, and going to a foreign country to bad mouth the U.S.

As for Penn's experience, he was probably the victim of an assault, meaning that he can pursue a civil claim and the govt. can pursue a criminal claim. As for the criminal claim, that is left to the discretion of the prosecutor, and unless he was trying to do something other than his job a reasonable prosecutor will not bring that case. Civilly, that is probably the tort of assault. The federal tort claims act might bar your case--it bars many cases against the federal govt. In any event, your damages are slight in financial terms. However, you could ask for punitive damages in a tort case, although there is nothing about his experience that was particulary egregious. But the point is correct--any unwanted touching is assault.

BTW, great moniker.