Agneisse

Agree with this completely. I do not have children of my own, but am a child of parents who traveled a lot for business. I have a great relationship with both of them. I don't feel any of us missed out on anything compared to my friends who had non-traveling parents. I loved the experiences I got as a result of their globetrotting careers (including things as little as postcards from exotic places), and I now get great advice about life and work no doubt informed by their own experiences.

COSPILOT

Some thoughts for the OP.

My kids are now 10 and 13, but I've traveled extensively for the last 15 years. The good thing is that I was able to schedule trips around important life events such as birthdays, holidays, school events, etc. Only missed one birthday, and it happened to be mine. Thought it would be ok, but admittedly it was a little strange to be alone in the hotel facetiming with my wife and kids.

That said, I have two companies chasing me at the moment. One of them is Denver based and I would basically leave the house at 6 am and not return until 8 pm MON-FRI. The other is a national sales manager role, which will expand to all of North America in a few months, so back to a ton of travel, but my kids love the perks that comes with that when we vacation. Based on experience, I will have more quality time at home with the travel job and certainly greater flexibility.

I'm going to be exhausted within weeks commuting to Denver every day, and no I'm not moving as we live in the best school district in the state, not to mention an equal home would cost me another $500K to match what we currently have. So it's a no brainer for me, I'll take the travel job and actually be home more often when it matters.

ng1265

Concurring with posters above, extended travel has some impacts.
On a personal perspective, I had some issues with in in my previous job, where travel was erratic: I could stay for 6 months at home, then be away for 2 months consecutively, working on critical assignments abroad, whilst my wife was dealing with the eldest and pregnant with the second one. Lots of strain, especially given the last-minute trips, have put me off business travel for quite some time.
Had some fun stories as well: wife stuck in AMS after being IDBed after her hen do, was in LHR taking care of the kid and had to jump onto a business trip at 6am the following day, last-minute 48-hour trips across the world, but it was a mandatory assignment for 3 weeks in the US whilst my wife was 8 months pregnant which made me throw the towel in and switch to a job involving less travel.
Regretting a job opportunity is less important than missing out on your kids growing up and the "missed" moments and memories with the family you'll soon build.

On the other hand, from a career perspective, could you negociate a reduced travel pattern after a year or 2 once you're settled into the new role?

YVRtoYYZ

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glg

Ain't that the truth. I don't even travel for work that much (4-6 times a year, often not full weeks), yet naturally one of those nights was when the smoke detector batteries flaked out. The hard-wired connected kind, so the whole house they're all beeping. Oops, no 9 volt batteries in the house either. That was a few years ago and my daughter remembers going to 7-11 in her pajamas.

Annalisa12

My step daughter had a baby a year ago. Her husband went away for 2 weeks on a business trip when he was only a couple of months old. She really struggled without help. She said she cried with stress and counted the days for him to be home. She would of been a wreck if he had gone away regularly. When he did get home he said they baby had changed so much in that short space of time. He felt he missed a lot.

I do not know how single parents manage as it is so hard to do it on your own.

darthbimmer

It's important that your partner support your decision to take the travel job. Be careful that "I think I'll be okay" is NOT support. It sounds more like acquiescence. Make sure you both agree and go into it eyes-wide-open.

Career-wise, this can be an important step. Managing multiple sites gives you valuable experience and profile in the company. Potentially if you do well in that role for a few years you'll move up again.... Would that role involve similar travel, more, or less? If not, being at HQ at least gives you more options for lateral moves into a non-travel role if heavy travel proves too burdensome.

Financially, make sure this new role puts your family materially ahead of where you stand now-- including differences in cost of living for the new location. Your travel will make it hard for your wife to resume work, so you'll need to be the breadwinner. Plan into your budget some outside help for your wife since you won't be around as much. For example, hire a housekeeper for a few hours a week. Find a regular babysitter who can watch the kid a few hours at a time a couple days a week so your wife can shop, get her hair and nails done, eat lunch and network with adult friends, etc.

Annalisa12

If you earn more money, get household help when you are away. Baby Egg is 1 year old and I still get called to say... I'm a mess, he won't settle, can you come over and watch him whilst I shower.

Anna Phor

My spouse is the traveler -- he's gone 25-30% of the time. We don't have local family. Here's what makes it work for me:

• Highly organized family calendar -- I know when he'll be here and when he'll be gone
• Small house, close in, easy commute. We live in an apartment so don't have to mess with yard work or exterior maintenance. I never have to shovel snow or deal with a leaky roof. Our building has handyman and cleaning service. Commute is short enough that I can do kid morning drop-off and pick-up without much trouble.
• When kid was younger, we had a nanny share set up. Having infant care IN YOUR HOUSE is amazing -- you don't have to get the baby up and schlep them and all their stuff out of the house in the morning
• I have a great network of friends with similar-aged children. This is a lifesaver. I vacation with them frequently; sometimes with traveling spouse and sometimes without. We have a standing dinner date (with kids) every Friday night.

mmff

It's great that this was possible in your case. The vast majority of people whose job requires more than 50% of travel have unpredictable schedules that often change last-minute. Their spouses need to be able to live with that reality or it won't work for them as a family.

Anna Phor

Oh, for sure. But what helps is having systems in place that make the communication about that run smoothly.

MaxBuck

Really good exchange of viewpoints here. My only remark at this point is that every family is different. You may find that your priorities, spouse and support network require that you restrict business travel severely. Or you may find, like I did, that the family does better when you allow clients' needs to reign in order that the greater Family Good (economics and self-actualization) be maintained. And my time on weekends and my attention to wife and daughter was optimized accordingly.

No one answer works best for everyone. Don't let someone else's priorities govern the way you make your own decisions. And don't let other people's opinions make you feel bad about yourself!

jrpallante

I was not only referring to what is best for the child, but what is best for the parent. When a parent is substantially absent from a child's life, that parent is short-changing themselves. I understand that people sometimes need to make difficult choices, and they naturally feel compelled to rationalize those choices. However, you would be hard pressed to find a grey haired person who regrets having spent too much time with their kids in lieu of chasing another sale, another promotion, or another useless meeting on the other side of the world.

MaxBuck

Since you were responding to my comment, let me just say that this gray-haired person doesn't regret the time I spent chasing sales and attending meetings for a job I loved. And that love for my career is, I believe, something my daughter values to this day.

It seems to me many of those who've chosen to center their lives around their kids to the exclusion of career growth have lately become pretty priggish in their judgment of the more career-oriented among us.

jrpallante

Wow! You clearly view this as a black and white issue. Everybody needs to establish their own priorities, and make their choices accordingly. I am glad that you are satisfied with the choices you made. I come from a family of foodies, and my father always said "some people eat to live, and others live to eat." It's just a different perspective on the same goal...