Why the need to sit together
 

I see lots of threads about people wanting to sit together, what's the big deal with it? Perhaps being a guy I am either inherently stupid, or just insensitive but if I'm traveling with someone I figure I'll be spending enough time with them while at the destination that a few hours not together just won't matter.

Even though I have this view, I’m fine with someone wanting to sit with their kid but that’s different than needing to sit with a SO of an adult age.

True story, one time I booked a flight with a friend where we had a window/isle (now I would just book two isles instead) and the person in the middle quickly figured out we were traveling together. They offered to switch seats so we could sit next to each other and we both said “no thanks, I’m spending enough time with her/him over the next week”. I then added “besides middle seats suck”.

Why the need to sit together
 

Agreed. I once traveled with my boss from JFK-PVG. He insisted we sit together. Once on the plane he took a pill and fell asleep for the next 10 hrs. He was in the aisle seat so had to climb over him to use the lavatory.

It's well known that members of the same family will often self-combust if they are forced to sit separately in an aircraft, leaving nothing but a pile of ashes and the occasional shoe in 62D.

At least, I'm guessing that's the case the way some people carry on - myself I'd be grateful to be away from the incessant nagging that an enforced but temporary separation would treat me to.

As is extremely common on this forum, we are all forgetting that not everyone flies every month or more.

When you fly that often, you don't care about a lot of things any more, including who you sit next to. You value speed, law and order instead.

For people who fly once a year, it's perfectly understandable that they want to sit next to the person they are traveling with.

Sorry, I just don't get what you're saying.

The person you've shared space with for the past extended period of time has now become indispensable?

OK.. I kind of get the desire to sit next to a SO on a long-haul flight..

...but I have been asked to move so that a mature age couple could sit together on a 2 hour flight...

..THAT is mystifying to me...

I recall a thread (one of the many threads about switching seats) where one poster couldn't understand why a passenger would refuse to switch seats so that a couple could sit together, expressing indignance that anyone would have the gall to say no. Just goes to show that everybody has an opinion!

But OP, my opinion is yours: I have no need to sit next to my travelling companion on a relatively short (compared to the entire trip) plane ride, especially when I will be spending 24 hours a day with him/her for the next week or so.

I won't attempt to explain why others do what they do but I arrange to sit next to my SO when we travel together so that she can lean on me when she wants to sleep and [when possible] raise the armrest to allow us to be more comfortable in the seats. Being together also allows us to share the excitement of the trip that we are on or to discuss [in low voices] any topics that we so desire and not involve those around us or the whole plane. Not everyone shuts out the outside world and wears noise canceling headphones attached to some individual entertainment device. But speaking of such personal entertainment devices we also sometimes [very rarely] do enjoy watching a movie together on a flight or listening to the same music. I could go on but there are a number of other reasons that I want to sit next to my traveling companion.

Oh, I forgot to mention that currently I live approximately 15,526 Kilometers from my SO, therefore I value every waking [and semi-conscious] minute that I can have with her when we are together.

Please note that whenever we travel together I ensure that we have seats next to one another if advance seat selection is available and there are seats available that are next to one another. However, try as I might on some occasions advanced seat selection isn't possible and/or there are no available seats that are sidewise adjacent.

Some folks like to sit together... I respect that.

I respect even more those same folks who don't pull an
attitude if it cannot be arranged.

My husband likes to sit next to me when we fly. I personally like the 'alone time' when we don't (at least on non-international flights). We both recently got upgraded from ATL to MSP and weren't sitting next to each other. Didn't bother me as we had taken the overnight flight back from SCL and we were both tired. He asked his seat passenger to switch and she didn't want to. We both slept most of the way back to MSP so it really doesn't bother me to have a break.

When I travel with family, the number one reason for wanting to sit together (in coach) is because if I'm going to be in extremely close physical quarters for many hours, I'd rather be next to family than to a stranger, particularly if the other individual is generous in size.

As an earlier poster noted, it can also be part of a sharing experience with someone you don't necessarily see often. When I'm travelling with family, it's someone I don't see very often, so given the choice, I'd like to maximize my time enjoying his/her company.

Agreed, but I am confused a bit. In your true story, you did not know if your companion was a he or she? :p

If you are going to be talking a lot, it's better that one of you switch with the person in the middle seat. It's not fun for the person in middle seat to have people on either side talking over them.

I personally like to sit apart. Unfortunately, Mrs Airwolf has to ask me questions about everything when we travel. I like to get a window seat & coccon with my iPad or a pillow.

3hrs or whatever is some of the most boring time in my life. I just want to pass it by as quickly as possible with as little interuptions as possible.

I'm perfectly fine if I can't sit next to my family, SO, or friend. But it is just a nicer experience if you can. However, I would never seat poach or try to trade a worse for better seat to do so.

Not sure why the animosity about people who want to sit together.

When you go out to a restaurant, so you sit at separate tables?
Whe you go to a movie, do you sit in different rows?
When you go to the mall, do you take separate cars?

I once had the pleasure of asking the wrong person for a seat swap. I was in 2E and Mrs. ralfp was in 4F (pmUA 752). I asked the person in 3E if he would swap. He was nice enough to accept, but then Mrs. ralfp pointed out my error. The icing on the cake was that the person in 3F was already seated. :o

^ The relaxed personal space rules can make sitting next to one's SO far more comfortable.

This is why, when flying with Mrs. ralfp and cannot select adjacent seats, I try to select seats to maximize the chances for "fair" seat swaps. e.g. if Mrs. ralfp is in an aisle in a 2-2 config, I'll pick a window.

It's certainly not the end of the world if we can't be seated together, but someone else already touched on the reason it's nice when it DOES work out: The personal space issue. It's a lot more comfortable to share limited space with someone who is familiar as opposed to a stranger.

That being said, I've spent hundreds if not thousands of hours in planes next to strangers, so like I said, it's not the end of the world either way.

I'm surprised that only happened to you once. It is a very common scam to try to get you to switch into a middle seat with the excuse of, "Wouldn't you like to sit next to your friend?" Since I always pick an aisle seat, I get asked to swap all the time. And, yes, I'm tired of it. It is not like only one person, once in a while, asks. It is that I am constantly asked, probably because I'm small. I don't feel like answering the same question multiple times. The answer is "no" and, though I try to be polite, sometimes it's probably a pretty curt "no." The person asking knows -- or should know -- that they're asking you to take a bad seat, so I don't particularly care about their feelings either, since they demonstrably don't care about mine. If you want me to take a middle seat, offer me cash, don't offer me a friend I already have and found all by myself. That's just cheap, cheesy, and sleazy. OK, rant over.

Oh, and what really gets my goat is when they assume my "friend" or my "husband" is just some random middle-aged guy who happened to be put in the window seat. Guess what. I never saw that dude before. If I'm making polite conversation with him for a few minutes while waiting for a flight to board, it doesn't mean I want to sit up close and personal with him. It doesn't even mean I know him. Assumptions are odious.

+1
Between work and other obligations, I have little down time with my husband. I strongly prefer to sit with him on flights so we can have a drink together and catch up without an interruption.
We've never asked anyone to move, but on the extremely rare occasion when we have been seated separately, one of the passengers next to us has offered without any solicitation.

Not to excuse rudeness, but because it is a heck of a lot more physically comfortable to be seated next to one's spouse than next to a stranger, at least in coach. (understood that a few may disagree)

There are many reasons: some of us have been together for decades, and actually enjoy each other's company :eek:; some who are pretty busy in their lives may use the long flight to plan activities at the destination; in others, or at least our case, my spouse needs to have medication administered on a schedule, and I am the one who does that. And what schwarm said; I am much happier with my spouse's head lolling on my shoulder than most other people's. ;)

We've usually been seated together, but on the rare occasion where it has been necessary to ask others to switch (e.g. longhaul flight with two meds administrations scheduled), we do so politely and do not expect that we will take the better seats and discomfort the one(s) we may ask to change, nor do we presume to behave negatively toward them if they decline the offer.

In all instances, there's little need for me to worry myself by becoming judgmental on why people might want to or need to sit together. ;)

Just to be clear: There's no animosity about people who want to sit together. The animosity is reserved only for (1) seat poachers and (2) those who get upset when passengers refuse to switch seats to accommodate their "need."

It almost sounds like some people think it's a character flaw to want to sit together. I don't get tired of my husband's company, so why would I prefer to a stranger's? Someone once offered to switch so we could be together, but I've never asked anyone to do so. I might make the request if we weren't next to each other on a long flight, but I would never "pitch a fit" if no one wanted to swap, and I sure wouldn't offer them a worse seat.

I've had smelly people sit next to me. I've had obese people overflow into me. I've had tobacco chewers spit and stink next to me. I've had people snore next to me. I've had people fall asleep and lean on me.

I'm pretty comfortable that my wife won't do any of these. I'd much rather have a known commodity sit next to me. We can discuss plans for the week, talk about our next vacation, discuss what up at the house, etc. It's extremely rare that a random stranger has as much in common to discuss.

Co-workers - that's a different question. They can sit anywhere.

Note, the poster wrote "we both said..." In other words, one of the passengers was male and the other was female. The male half of the duo said “no thanks, I’m spending enough time with her over the next week”. The female half of the duo said, “no thanks, I’m spending enough time with him over the next week”.

My husband and I run a small business together, and we travel a lot for work. On short, daytime flights we prefer to sit next to each other so that we can run through last minute preparations before we get to wherever we're going. On long haul flights we prefer to sit together simply because it's more comfortable snoozing next to someone you know :)

We usually reserve seats on booking. If we can't reserve seats we check in early to try to get seats next to each other. So far, we've never had to ask someone to swap (although have been asked to swap many times so a family can sit together, and asked by other couples that for some reason assumed we weren't together).

If we weren't able to get seats together, I think we would ask if someone would swap, but if that person said no, that's fair enough. I figure there's no harm in asking, but wouldn't expect a yes.

I like to sit together because my husband could be deployed and away from me at any time, for months at a time. When he is home, he works 60+ hours a week. Why on earth wouldn't I want to be near him when I have the chance?

That being said, the only time we would have a chance of not being seated together is it we were upgraded. I always book Y seats together - doesn't everyone? :confused:

And I'd never switch with someone who wanted to separate us.

I consider myself lucky that my spouse and I, after 12 years of being a couple, are still as giddy and head-over-heels in love with each other as the day we realized that we were, indeed, in love.

When we travel, as much as we hate the middle seat, one of us will take it to be next to the other. I find the discomfort of the middle seat completely bearable when I am able to lift the armrest and hold hands with my best friend and soulmate.

Yes, I am the hopeless romantic. No, I don't want to get away from my spouse because we have lots of other times we are together.

I guess I am one of those rare birds that finds that having my better half along for the ride is what makes the ride that much better.

I'd rather sit next to a known element (the person I am traveling with and I like) than some annoying, obnoxious, pretentious person with personal hygiene problems, or a runny nose, or who has to pee every 20 minutes, or who doesn't understand that my space is my space and their gut hanging over the armrest is annoying to me.

Lets not even get into sitting next to the mother with a crying baby on her lap for the entire flight.

The known > The unknown when it comes to air travel for me.

I don't think it's animosity just because people want to sit together. Despite my earlier facetious post, I prefer to sit with my partner. I think the animosity occurs when people poach seats or try to reorganise the cabin to accommodate them, and particularly when they get huffy if they can't get their own way. Personally I would never ask a stranger to move for me just so I could travel with a friend/family member. I try my best to get the seats I want prior to boarding the aircraft, and if something I can't control separates us during the process, well that's just tough.

(Edit: I posted this before I saw #22 - apologies for saying exactly the same thing but with less eloquence!)

Sitting in the middle is bad enough - one simply has to deal with it - but the prospect of the window and aisle passengers talking across you on a multi-hour flight is quite another. I wouldn't be quick to assume it's a scam.

Right on the nose!

In cramped quarters, I'd rather my wife share my space than some stranger. That doesn't mean we won't travel if we can't get seats together -- that happens often. We won't self-combust. However, we're both more comfortable when pressed up against each other, as opposed to pressed up against strangers.

The question, "why the heck do you NEED to sit together??" in reference to those who don't book seats together but then go out of their way to badger/guilt/annoy others into swapping seats for them, is a valid question. But it makes no sense to question why, given the option, people would rather share a cramped space with a friend/family member as opposed to a total stranger. The reasons are obvious.

It's a scam. Especially when the person they imply is my "friend" is a total stranger that I said like two words to, just to be polite. You're not five two, are you? Trust me. There's an assumption that if you're little, you have a little brain, and you can be pushed around. I'm really sick of it. Really!

On my next trip (with a large group) a lady is traveling with us who is a nervous traveller. This is only her third plane trip. We have promised her husband that one of us will sit next to her on every flight. If making sure she sits next to someone she knows let's this person travel and see the world, I can't see the problem with that. On her first trip, flights didn't go as planned due to a hurricane. So on the flights she ended up on she was separated from her husband. Was it really so wrong to ask people to switch seats so a nervous flyer could be comforted - when not in a situation of her own making?

I should add that I have no problem when people book seats so they are next to each other. My issue is with people who don't want to pay for seats in advance and then freak out because they are not sitting with their traveling partner once the airline assigns their seats for free.

Valid points on both sides, especially when sitting next to a stranger we are likely 10 inches closer to them than we would prefer.

My mother is 5'2 and softly spoken and mild mannered to boot. No one scams her any more than they do taller me. If you are talking to someone, it's not an unreasonable assumption that you know them, so I think you are reading far more into it than there is - they made a snap call you knew each other and asked is you wanted to trade. It's hardly difficult to say 'no thanks' in any case.

On top of everything that has already been said here about the advantages of sitting together, I'll add this one: my wife is a really nervous flyer, and I much rather have her near me where I can keep her calm.

Does this make you her emotional support animal? :DThen you can lay at her feet during the flight and not pay for a ticket. ;)OTOH, the airline won't supply F&B, except maybe water if you behave well.:)

NY Times: "Etiquette vs. Entitlement in a Scramble for Seats"
 

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/10/bu...road.html?_r=1

..... “Would you mind switching seats so my wife and I can sit together?” he asked. The wife was looking at me hopefully. Actually, I did mind. I had paid extra for that aisle seat, using an airline credit card that also gave me priority boarding — which meant I was assured that I would have space in an overhead bin near my seat for my carry-on. The extra fee, $20, had bought me a slightly less crummy coach seat on the aisle, but I was happy to have it. .....

..... In a telephone interview, Mr. Cohen said that he thought that some people traveling together on leisure trips exhibited a “sense of entitlement” about being able to sit together. He recalled a recent flight on which a woman sitting in the aisle seat across from him was badgered into giving up her seat and moving a few rows farther back by a couple who insisted on sitting together. The flight attendant also told the woman to swap, and thus “became a tool of this couple to get their way,” Mr. Cohen said. .....